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+--- Thread: Astra checks on Hadaza 1/8/22 (/showthread.php?tid=654)
Astra checks on Hadaza 1/8/22 - Anatketani - 02-06-2022
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/08/2022
Several Hours after they had left the plant of the prylec and done the test that the professor had asked them to do. It was interesting to see the different results everyone got. She had gone back to her room she wanted to record a message for baby Roza and wright a letter to Sol. She needed to be calm befor speaking to Hadaza.
She know what it was like to have her own life threatened. It had bothered her for a long time. Despite her Anxiety towards her she know she needed to reach out.
After finding Hadaza's room she knocked on the door. " Hadaza is you there" She called and knocked on the door.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/08/2022
Hadaza hears the rap, but is slow to answer. She is not in a hurry to engage anyone, especially since the Professor's outburst in front of everyone else. She rises from her meditative position and opens the door.
@(Princess) Astra Korraay
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/08/2022
Astra smiled there was still a bit of tension to her. She silently cursed herself for being unable to control her anxiety. " Hi I wanted to come see how you were doing that was quit the ordeal do you want some one to talk to" She asked gently.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/09/2022
Hadaza's demeanor is unforthcoming. "I'm fine. Thank you for checking on me Astra. Now if you will excuse me. I need to return to my meditations."
She turns from the door and shoots a hand at the switch to close it, but misses. With her back turned, and her attention elsewhere, she doesn't notice that it remained open.
@(Princess) Astra Korraay
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/09/2022
" Hadaza may i Join you" Astra asked gently not wanting to push her to far.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/09/2022
Hadaza hadn't quite seated herself when Astra's voice hit her ears. Her back stiffened at the sound, but she doesn't look around. "As you wish, though I will admit that I am rancorous company just now."
@(Princess) Astra Korraay
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/09/2022
" It's ok I don't expect you to trust me, honestly iv ben struggling to see you as separate from the Crusaid" She said gently there was some gilt in her voice. " I am sorry for that I know better then to judge some one for who they are or in your case were affiliated with. But I would like to change that and get to know you if you will let me" She said as she steped into the room.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/09/2022
"Crusade?" Hadaza turns her head slightly. "What crusade? What are you talking about @(Princess) Astra Korraay? I don't know anything about any crusade. Unless," she says wickedly, "that's another name for the Swarm."
She turns finally to face Astra, expressionless but with a low, menacing growl, "According to Kasandra, Durro and the Professor, there is no way for me to separate from that."
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/09/2022
Astra put her hands up in a gester to say she is no threat. " No, they have nothing to do with the Sworm. I dont realy know much about them other then the captered me and did somthing to me that I dont remeber. The patch on your sute. It is there symble that that of the people who were on your team. again im sorry" She said. She did not move. " Please Hadaza i dont mean you any harm" She said.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/09/2022
She steps slowly, deliberately towards @(Princess) Astra Korraay. The rumble in her throat now rolling from her gut. She seems to swell as she finally says, "So what you are telling me that not only am I tainted by the Swarm but that I am somehow connected to some clandestine shadow organization who captures and tortures little girls?"
Hadaza can't take another hit today. "You may not mean any harm to me, Astra. But it is becoming more and more evident that my raison d'etre is to, in fact, cause harm to others."
She takes another step towards Astra, almost on top of her now in the cramped quarters. "I'll give you this ... you have spine, Jedi. That said, it might be in your best interest to vacate my quarters before the sleeper assassin operative of the goddess's madness crusade gets activated, spontaneously remembers her mission, and finishes you where you stand before you can draw your next breath."
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/09/2022
Astra stars up at Hadaza. Her hart races and every fiber of her screams Run. she takes several deep breaths trying to calm herself. She knows she cant run she cant back down now. " I do not bereave you will hurt me or any one else. You may not trust me but I am choosing to trust you. you have not once dose anything to course any of us harm." She says as calmly as she can manage.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/09/2022
Hadaza takes a step back, breathing in the calm strength of the young woman before her. A tear forms in the corner of her eye, belying the thundering rage of her countenance.
Through a jaw that is locked with choler, she whispers, "People almost died today, @(Princess) Astra Korraay. Your friends are right. I'm an unstable unknown - volatile, maniacal, infected. How can you be so sure that I am not what they believe me to be? Controlled by something that hollowed me out and replaced whoever I was, whatever I was, or was ever destined to be, with a booby trap, a homing device, or worse, that will bring about the end of not just this world but all worlds? And now you come to me saying that you're sorry for being scared of me because of some affiliation that a dead woman belonged to based on a uniform she wore and that we coincidentally share a face? How am I supposed to react to that, Astra?"
The tear that hovered on her lower lash falls slowly down her cheek and she turns away. "You should leave."
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/09/2022
Astra takes a step closer and puts a gentle hand on Hadaza's shoulder. " You are not alone. I understand how you feel. You are not a danger and only you can decide who you want to be." She said posing for a moment to let Hadaza process what she had said.
" I'm not going anywhere, I am her for you to help you Hadaza. There was I time I thought I was a danger to everyone to thankfully I had a few people who did not give up on me. So I promise you I will not give up on you. you don't have to deal with this alone." She said gently.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/09/2022
Hadaza whispers, "You can decide who you want to be. Durro said something similar to me recently."
She looks up to Astra's face. "He said that I am ...", her gaze stretches beyond the room in recall as she begins to quote Durro from their earlier conversation, "... starting from scratch and becoming the person she wants to be. That it's not an opportunity that most of us have, though it's an opportunity a few of us would take, if offered"
She blinks to bring herself back to the room. "He's not wrong. The chaos of trying on other people's lives, thinking their thoughts, trying to find your own in the din, and then stand behind those thoughts on a foundation that is littered with debris that isn't yours ... you can't imagine how hard it is."
@(Princess) Astra Korraay
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/09/2022
"Durro has his moments, thow he can be a little umm.. thoughtless from time to time. but he usuly means well" she said with an amused grin as she thought about some of her and Durro's more heated interactions.
" Actually to a point I do understand. There was an ascendant and my personality was split into five different individuals. Its difficult to find peace with five no six voices in your head. I also know it is had to put yourself together after Turmeric events. I lost my family twice, and more friends then I can count. I ended up pregnant when I was seventeen, Sol Kenobi and i were going to get married, we ended up meeting my mother how was going to be the queen of bakled. I did not even know how she was before that day. there was a boom at her coronation Sol and my Adoptive father did not survive. My daughter Roza and I survived. I understand what your dealing with and I want to help you." She said gently. She hoped that telling the story and opening up to Hadaza would help her open up and see that she was only trying to help.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/09/2022
Hadaza is stunned by Astra's admission. "Your Highness, I'm so sorry. I didn't know!"
She kneels quickly and lowers her head. Her voice floats up to Astra from where Hadaza crouches before her. "Please forgive my behaviour earlier. I should never have threatened you."
@(Princess) Astra Korraay
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/09/2022
Astra reaches taking Hadazas hands and pulling her back to her feet" That's not why I told you that." She said could not help but giggle for a moment.
" I told you that information because I hoped if I opened up to you you would quit trying to push me away." She said still smiling.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/09/2022
Eyes still downcast, she can't look Astra in the face, given her actions earlier. The fact that this woman has been through so much only raises the Hadaza's esteem for her as a person, to say nothing of her royal status.
She has another reason to be ashamed of herself. Rather, she finds herself inspired by the strength and determination of the Princess to not only live, but thrive, for herself and her daughter. She has put herself back together under extraordinary odds ... odds not unlike Haj's own.
She raises her violet eyes to look into Astra's own. The girl's diminutive frame hides enormous might. "I'll say it again. You have spine, Jedi." This time, though, the words hold admiration instead of the vilification of the earlier pronouncement.
"I thank you for your authenticity. You've taught me much this evening ... and given me a reason to hope where there was none moments before." She appears as though she wants to hug @(Princess) Astra Korraay, but doesn't have the confidence to do so.
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/09/2022
Astra smiles and hugs her. " Please just call me Astra. I'm not much different than you, and I am still healing from my past. But maby if you want we can do some of that healing together. " She said with a smile. She pulled back from the hug.
She is quite a moment. " I know you don't remember your home but would you like to see mine" She asked with a smile.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/09/2022
Hadaza smiles. "I would like that."
She turns again. "I've been so awful. Tesara, Durro, even the Professor for all his eccentricities ... you've all been so kind in your own way. I'm so sorry for my ... for all the chaos that I leave in my wake."
She sits down on the bed. "With your help, with all your help, I will do better. My vow to you"
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/09/2022
"Its ok im sure no one blames you, and im sorry we can help you, even throw he is a solger he is realy helpfuly with Mental helth issues gave me a medication that supresses the other voices" she offered hoping it was helpful.
Astra smiled pulling out her commlink she starts to show picters of the Sereno acadamy. Three indavaduals show up in her picters she identifys them at Roza (her best friend), Sol ( Roza's father), and Lord sereno (Her own father). At some point in there teans Roza dissapers from the photos.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/09/2022
Hadaza doesn't see anything that Astra tries to show her. She shudders at the memory of the nurse's injections, and of the voice that accompanied them. "I don't want medication. And I'm not sure that I want anything at all from the Professor right now. His ... comments ... on planet ... to everyone ... stung."
Her words falter and she shudders again, stronger this time. And it doesn't stop. The shudders become paroxysms as the emotions of the day roll through her body.
@(Princess) Astra Korraay
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/09/2022
Astra hugs Hadaza " Hay its ok breath no one is going to make you do anything. i was just leting you know he was helpful for me so he may be able to help you" She said as she held Hadaza in a tight Hug.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/09/2022
As she sits quaking, wrapped in Astra's embrace, she can't help but think, At least I'm not crying this time She starts the deep, rhythymic, medtitative breathing that Tesara taught her once more. Astra can feel her starting to calm.
When the mindfulness practice had done its work, Hadaza untangles her self from Astra's arms. "Thank you, Highness. You are too kind. I would ask to take my leave now. I think I should get some rest."
@(Princess) Astra Korraay
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/09/2022
Astra shook her head and smiled. " your welcome. Are you sure you will be ok. My friend Roza use to have episodes like that. I do need to meditate I can do that here until your asleep if you like" She offer genuine concern written on her face.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/09/2022
"That's very generous, Highness, but I really need some time to myself, I think. I have a lot to consider and I'm utterly exhausted. If it will make you feel better, I'll set an alarm so that if anything goes amiss it will alert you to the problem. I truly need sleep more than anything else. I'll see you at breakfast."
Haj begins her preparations for sleep, despite Astra still being in the room - a signal that she needs the solitude for deep healing and reflection.
"Good night, Highness"
@(Princess) Astra Korraay
(Princess) Astra Korraay — 01/09/2022
Astra nodded " Ok please if you need something or you have another episode like that let some one know" She said gently then left the room closing the door behind her.
@Hadaza
(I think we can call an end here)
Hadaza — 01/09/2022
/end