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+--- Thread: Astra tries to teach 4/9/22 (/showthread.php?tid=722)
Astra tries to teach 4/9/22 - Anatketani - 05-29-2022
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/09/2022
Astra watches hadaza she takes several deep breaths to keep herself calm. She does not have time to deal with or process what Hadaza has just told her. And honestly, the woman in front of her is her friend and a member of her family. Whether she was made by the crusade or not she is not her enemy. This situation needed the calm detachment that Durro had been trying to teach her. Yes, she was afraid she could feal her heart racing she could practically hear her own heartbeat in her ears. take a deep breath calm I need to be calm and I need to help My friend she thought.
“I know you are struggling to calm down the truth is I am too but it's okay we are ok,” she said. She takes another deep breath calming. “ I know you are not a Jedi but let me teach you some of the traditions and discipline I grow up in it will take both our minds off of this situation and fill the time until Master, Tesara, and the girls return. Ok?” she asked and gestured for Hadaza to follow her. For a brief moment, she wished Durro were there. But he was not this situation was up to her. Be calm dont let your emotions cloud your judgment she thought. Then she remembered the force trick she had learned from Quinn’s father. Her heart ached and she was distracted for a brief moment. But she shook her head. focus she thought and almost imagined Lord Sereno’s voice. She projected a sense of calm hoping it might help Hadaza as she lead the way to her room.
“I think there is just as good a place as any, and no sand to stare at,” she said with a slight smile. She weights for Hadaza to enter the room befor following her. “ Ok, so the discipline I train under is called clouds and breezes, it's fighting style but also defines how we interact with the force. For us, we try to live in harmony with the force feal its flow and the currents both outside and inside us. Yes, the force flows in a path within us there are five pools where is circles the moves to the next. Sometimes how we are feeling can block the pools and cause us problems. It's why paying attention to our emotions processing and feeling them is important. As master Thell-Tanis once said to me it's not healthy to boddle up your emotions you need to feal them, but it's our choice when and how we feal and let them out.” she said pausing to see if Hadaza understood. “It's important for us to feal emotions there part of us but we also need to be able to step back and think things through. Without our emotions clouding our judgment” She said then weighted for the inevitable questions as she know Hadaza would have lots of them.
@Haj
Haj — 04/10/2022
Haj chuckles darkly. "Feeling my emotions is not a challenge for me, Highness," she says wryly. "I've gone to both Durro and Tesara to help me learn how to feel them without letting them rule me. Each has had success in their own ways, and I've found a way of my own that helps. But I've not had the years of discipline that you all have had. What's more, I don't just feel my emotions. I get caught in the whirlwind of those around me as well. So, I am not always successful at the detachment that I hear you all speak of."
She shakes her head slightly as she continues. "Please forgive me if I am," she frowns as she looks for the right word, "overwrought right now, Highness. I could have killed us both if you had not been paying attention just now. And I have no idea about how or why?!"
She slams her fist down on the arm of the chair. "No, that's not true! I do know why, or at least I think I do. What I don't know is why now. I've been on board with you all for months! If that programming was really there, I've had ample opportunity to dispatch each of you easily! Why wait until this moment? What has changed?"
She takes a beat. "Oh ... yes ... that's right ... only everything," she says with a rueful smile. She looks down at herself then up at Astra. "Only everything," she says more softly.
She rests her head against the side of the chair. Still looking at Astra, she says, "Five pools, huh? What do they represent? Why five? How would they get blocked? And how do you unblock them? Can you change the speed of the flow? Reverse it? Cause it to spin in one pool and not others intentionally?"
The rapid fire questions are her mind trying to find another way. She is attacking this the way she does her sparring matches with Durro or her discussions of battle tactics with the Professor. As much as she loves them, Durro and Tesara are too calm for her. Maybe Astra's temperment, which so matches her own, is the key she needs to finally unlock this secret.
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/10/2022
Astra smiles " Your not the only one that's get caught up is emotions and swept away. I have broken down and cried im Master and Tesaras arms more times than I care to admit." She says gently. Something Durro said to her rang in her ears. " Master once said it's not that we fall because we will fall the important thing is that we get back up and try. The only true failer is in not trying." She said.
" not it's that you now know about it. That's why I refused to tell you earlier to protect you. If you did not know about the programming then perhaps it would take time to take over" she said gently.
Astra just stared at her for a moment. She had not expected quite so many questions all at once. She practically chided herself. She know Hadaza was much like herself when it came to questions. * was teaching me like this master I owe you an apology and a hug when you get back* she thought.
" Ok first as far as I know the energy only flows in one direction, I also do not believe you can control it to the degree you are thinking but if the energy is flowing freely it can enhance your connection to the force. Waght did I say five there are actually 7 I meant to say seven. Sorry about that. The first pool and at the back of the spine it is assoseatied with survival and is often blocked by fear. What are your biggest fear?" She asked?
@Haj
Haj — 04/10/2022
Haj frowns. "My biggest fear? Highness, that is a loaded question."
She sits back and crosses her arms, the creases in her face deepening. "I don't fear for my own safety, so I can't see how my fear would interfere with my survival." She barks a self-depricating laugh. "Or I wouldn't have if I hadn't just risked my own survival. Except that wasn't out of fear, necessarily, though I am sure that was a component."
Astra can see Haj's eyes darting from side to side, as though she were reviewing data files trying to find the information she needed.
"The energy only flows in one direction. It can't be controlled, but the connection can be enhanced. Seven pools, beginning in the back of the ..." Haj's recitation of what Astra has just told her appears to be some sort of verbal meditation as her mind searches for the answer to Astra's question.
She stops. "Wait. It only flows in one direction? How is that possible? The Force flows into, out of, and around all things. That's more than one direction, often at the same time. And it can be controlled, can't it? I mean, we control all sorts of energy - heat, light, breath. Why can't we then control how much of the Force that we use, when we use it, how we use it. That means we can control it, doesn't it?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/10/2022
" It's not meant to be a loaded question it's a question that you need, to be honest with yourself about and you do not need to answer me. It's a good question to ask yourself to help you process the emotion" Astra said gently.
She watched hadaza and mission quietly. Had she been like this when she was a yungling probably.
A patent smile crossed her face as she shook her head. " think of a big river there can be curints in all different directions in a river but it's it always flows in one general direction. It may stop at a lake or pond and sworl around for a bit but then moves on. As for controlling the force its less about control and more about living in harmony with it. As a Jedi I was thought that the force is my alli, it it also your alli. You will never be alone or defenceless with the force as your alli for its a powerful alli to have and not one everyone can interact with. Some of your questions do pose interesting thoughts but they are better suited for a master to answer. I am not a master and still have much to learn myself. But you can alwas save them for Durro" She said hoping her explanation helped.
@Haj
Haj — 04/10/2022
Her brows crease once more. "So, knowing and acknowledging my greatest fear is the basis for processing, and detaching, from all other emotions? How?"
As her mind tries to unravel the twists and turns that Astra's words are creating, she gets caught in one of the whorls that are created by that River. "Ally? Or tool? To say the Force is an ally is to say that it has the ability to think for itself; that a relationship must be formed that is mutually beneficial and is constantly being re-negotiated. Is that what it is? Or is this energy merely a tool that some people have the access to and can learn how to use for purely selfish reasons?
She knows that she is poking hard at Astra in ways that she never has with Tesara. Tesara's teaching style doesn't seem to raise the same types of questions in her mind. Its less theory and more example. Tesara explains, then demonstrates. So Haj changes track.
"Show me," she says to @Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/10/2022
Astra blinkes she stares at Hadaza confused for a moment. " No it's not the baces just a starting point you said you had and issue with the flow which makes me think one or more of the pools within you is blocked," she said
This one astra could answer without missing a beat. " Yes, the force is to some extent alive. It can also be corupted and used for selfish desires. That Haj" Astra started rating a worning finger. " Is a path to the dark side there is nothing down that rode but pain and suffering. You don't want to become like Quinn right" Astra asked.
Astra looked surprised by Haj's sudden demand. She shakes her head. "Show you what? This is not sumthing that can be shown you need to feal it. Though we can move to a different subject if you prefer" She offered. Seeing Haj may be a little frustrated with this particular subject matter.
@Haj
Haj — 04/10/2022
Haj's face darkens at the comparison to Astra's Sith ex-lover. "No," she growls. "I do not want to become like Quinn. Contrary to whoever, or whatever, created me or for what reasons, my nature is not that. Now I'll thank you to remove your finger from my face," she finishes, rising from the chair to stand before the young Jedi.
"You want to know what I fear,Jedi?", she snarls quietly at Astra. "I fear that. I fear that one day I will fall, that one day my demons will be shouting down the better angels in my spirit and there is nothing I can do to stop it, or worse that I won't want to.
Haj starts to perspire under the strain. "So when I ask you to show me, it is to show me how to strengthen those angels so that the demons don't win. Theory and visualization are intellectual masturbation only create more questions. Your pools, their flows, blocks, and allies, don't make any sense to me. They aren't real or tangible. So do for me or show me how to do. Don't give me words with no substance."
Weakness and pain cause her to lose her balance. She catches herself on the arms of the chair, slowly settling herself back down to the seated position once more. Panting with the exersion, she says, "I'm sorry for losing my temper, Lillesøster. You talk about feeling it. I can do no other. That's why I need to be shown a different way."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/10/2022
Astra startles backward at first. " haj breath. It's nothing more than a worning" Astra said trying to maintain some control.
"Haj," she said finally approaching her after she sat down she gently reached out straitening Haj's hair. "I believe we just made some progress. You are not the only one afraid to fall and there will always be the temptation to fall. The dark side is like a lover whispering in your ears. Anyone can fall even Durro. I was not intending to upset you. " she said gently.
" Do you feal any better about it now that you have given it a voice. Or is there perhaps more you need to say?" She asked gently. So this lesson was going to take some time but if haj was going to use the force to enhance her senses or farsee she needed to work through this and build a base.
@Haj
Haj — 04/10/2022
Haj puts her head in her hands. "Its a warning I don't need, trust me. That my flame is ill-tended has been a warning that even the Gods see fit to impart, for all the good it seems to be doing." She looks up at Astra. "It seems there is only one person alive who has the ability to bring me peace ... and it most certainly isn't me," she finishes with a weak chuckle.
"Every day I live with the paradox of who I am, the joy and the fear, and with what I am capable of both great and terrible. Durro talks about my past not mattering, my creation not mattering. That its the choices I make now that matter. If those choices are taken from my control from the moment of my creation, however, then its my now that doesn't matter. This is what I need to learn how to hold on to. I need to learn to stay present, or to see a way where my future is based on my now, not my then. And I need to be able to do it in the moment, not when I have the luxury of contemplating the void."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/10/2022
"I see," Astra said calmly. She gets up and crosses the room to her desk picking up a blue ribon the one she had used to tie her padawan braid. She returned as she lessons to Hadaza speak.
She looks thoughtful for a moment. " The fourth pool it's here in your throat," Astra said gesturing to it. " this one is associated with truth and is usually blocked by lies. One's we tell ourselves." She said gently. She watches hadaza for a moment.
" This pool was a hard one for me to unblock. I never wanted to be a princess so I denied it. It was you who thought me to accept that part of who I am." She said she pused a thoughtful look on her face. As if she were trying to pick her next words carefully.
" your past creation theses are things that happened to you and are a part of who you are you can not denie them you have to accept them for what they are a part of you you can't find peace or alliance without accepting this, but haj your future is still up to you, acsseppting these parts of you dose not mean the define you but it can help you move forword" She said gently as she uses the ribbon to tie Hadazas hair back and out of her face. " Such a pretty face and eyes you have. And now your hair will not get into your face when you get upset again because I have no doubt you will again." She said gently.
@Haj
Haj — 04/10/2022
"You sound just like your Master, Highness. I don't deny my past. I can't. But you are right. I struggle to accept it. Its horrifying to me. Its not who I am, not who I want to be. And I struggle as each new revelation peels away a layer of the veneer of ignorance and innocence."
She closes her eyes and smiles. "I am now in the enviable position to find myself happy, hopeful, part of something bigger than myself, and part of a greater purpose."
"I suppose what I have to do, really have to do, is what I did as those revelations were first coming to light - find gratitude ... for the Crusade, for the Swarm, for whoever that person was that brought me here," she looks up at Astra, "to this place, this time, and all of you, with the skills necessary to destroy them. If not for my past, I could not create a future."
She exhales slowly, touching the ribbon in her hair. "Is that what you mean by it helping me move forward?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/10/2022
"Well he is a great teacher. I do understand how you feal there. So you want to speak more about it" She said with a smile.
" you have found and built a family here I think" She offered.
" that is one way to look at and a vary positive way as well. The question is can you keep that in mind later on when you learn soothing else about your past or. As you learn some other skills. You need a good foundation befor you can move forword. Befor you try things like telepathy, enhancing your sences, or far seeing. So we have gone throw two pools of energy would you like to go though the rest or is there more you need to say about your past and your fears? " Astra said.
@Haj
Haj — 04/10/2022
"More like you lot found me, I think," Haj retorts with a smirk and a wink.
She slumps down against the side of the chair and closes her eyes once more. "Fears are exhausting things. But you're not wrong. I need to remember gratitude when the layers get pulled away. It will be the only way to stay present with whatever is revealed. Whatever it is, it's made all this possible ... and makes it possible for us to succeed in the end."
She smiles wanly. "Master Anerin will be so pleased to know that I've come to this place when we sit for our next lesson."
She sits in silence for a few minutes. Without opening her eyes, she says, "The first pool is at the base of the spine. The fourth is at the throat. Where are the other 5?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/10/2022
"yes we did" she said with a smile
"That is also true" she said
" I believe your master would be proud of you " she said
"The second is in the lower back it is associated with pressure and is blocked by gilt is there anything you feel guilty about?" she asked
Haj — 04/10/2022
There is silence as Astra's question hangs in the air between them. It almost seems as though Haj has finally ceded to exhaustion. Finally, Astra notices a tear slip from under the closed lashes.
"Yes," Haj whispers. She clears her throat and goes on, voice a bit stronger. "But as we have already discussed, it's not mine. So I don't know if its guilt, regret, or sympathy I feel. I know that whatever the emotion is, it has caused me to act rashly, and that guilt is mine to bear."
She shudders. "Mine or no, those images will haunt me, for the hand that dealt the blow was wore my skin, even if the spirit that did the deed was not." She looks down at her hands. "Even now, that's no longer true," she says with a chuckle. "I owe the storm for sanding the blood from my hands."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/10/2022
Astra sits silently and lesions quietly. " you need to forgive yourself. Weather the actions were yours or not it is your gilt. forgive yourself and let the pain go you need not hold on to it." She said gently.
@Haj
Haj — 04/10/2022
Haj wipes the tear from her face, still not opening her eyes. "I can thank the storm for that as well."
She sits unmoving, saying nothing more on this subject or any other.
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/10/2022
Astra sits quietly listing the moment pass. She picks up Mister Hops from her bed and handed him to her. "I know he is not your bunny but I don't know where yours is" she said. She would sit and weight for Hadaza to be redy for them to continue the lesson.
@Haj
Haj — 04/10/2022
Haj slowly wraps her arm around Mister Hops, pulling the small stuffed rabbit close to her body. "Thank you," she says softly. "I'm very tired."
She takes a few deep breaths. "I need to sleep, Highness. Can we break for a little while and return after I've had some time to rest?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/10/2022
Astra nodds " Would you like to go back to your room" she asked.
@Haj
Haj — 04/10/2022
Haj nods wearily. "I should be better in a little while, Highness. Where can I find you later for more about the pools?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/10/2022
" I plan to stay with you your welcome to stay here if you wish" Astra said. @Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
Haj never heard Astra's offer to stay in her quarters. Her body was shutting down and she was almost alseep as the Princess spoke. She headed to her room, where she desperately wanted familiar comfort in which to lay her spirit.
When she woke, the chronometer showed that she had been asleeep for some time. Better, but not fully rested, she reached for her commlink.
"@Princess Astra Korraay, are you still on board?"
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
" I'm here are you ok " came Astra's voice from next to her. She was sitting on the floor legs crossed meditating. True to her words she she had not left Hadaza's side.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
Haj sets the commlink down, feeling a bit chagrined at having missed the Princess sitting at the foot of the bed. She rubs her eyes sleepily. "Better, yes, though a long way from OK. Could I ask for your help? I'd like to get a shower. If you could stay close by, just to make sure ..." she trails off, blushing in embarassment at the knowledge that something as simple as getting clean is now too much to handle on her own.
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
" Of course not a problem" Astra said gently. She took a moment to streak then moved to Hadazas side to help her.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
"Tell me about the next pool," Haj says, wincing, as she steps in gingerly to get washed up. It's an honest question, but also a diversion to help keep them at ease.
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
" we were on the third which is in the stomach this one is associated with willpower and usually blocked by shame. This one can be a bit tricky. A good question to ask your self is what about you disappoint you the most" She said.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
Haj takes a moment to examine her new skin. Its not the first time that she's seen it, though, to this moment, she's not had the space to really look at it in total. Arms, legs, torso ... everything is a soft, muted peach. All markings of a previous life are gone.
She spies her face in the mirror over the sink. She barely recognizes the visage looking back at her. The only familar features are her horns, most of which are now smaller due to the relentless onslaught of the sand, and her eyes. Everything else has been reshaped without the shadows of the dark ink contouring her cheeks and brow. She notices how the white streaks now present in her curls add to the stranger's reflection in the glass. She bows her head and weeps silently, both in grief and gratitude.
Astra's question filters through the room.
"Oh, Highness," she laughs through tears. "Again you ask a loaded question. It seems these pools of yours are designed to drown one .. or force them to swim for their lives."
She sinks down to the floor of the shower, letting the water run over her. She remembers a moment, not long ago, where she was in a similar position, though for a very different reason. "What disappoints me the most about myself?" she whispers to the room. She's not ready to tackle that one right now.
"Let's skip that one for now, if you please. I need to clean up my list before I come to a solid conclusion," she calls out to @Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
" I told you this would not be an easy lesson and it's one that I struggle with still. " she called back.
She wanted a moment hadaza insisted on skipping this one which was fine. Astra was only trying to give her to tools.
" The fourth is in the heart it is associated with love and blocked by grief. Lay that grief out let it flow and know that love is never lost it's always inside you and can take new forms" She said gently.
" for an example, I lost Sol and lord sereno in the bombing on backlid but there love never left me. It is still her in my memory, and now I have my daughter and all if you who I do care about" she said gently. She hoped the example would help and was glad to not be to close to Hadaza and now pondering the next pool. at the moment for silent tears ran down her face and she struggled for a moment to contain her own emotions.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
Haj sits back against the wall of the shower and allows a blissful smile to cross her face. Denne, she thinks, vil være et stykke kake She allows her heart to be filled past capacity, feeling as though it may burst from her chest and take flight. There is no grief to block this pool. Basking in the glow of what was heretofore unimaginable, she is silent for a long time.
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
" I think we found one that was not blocked. Should we continue" she asked.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
Haj laughs heartily at having been caught by the young Jedi in a moment of reverie. "No secrets from you, huh? Good to know."
She comes out toweling her hair. "I'll remember to keep my distance, the music on, and the door set to 'do not disturb' when I want a private moment to myself," she says with a lacivious wink.
She heat from the shower has done her some good. That, the nap, and finally seeing herself after the storm have healed some places in her she didn't know that needed it. She's still moving slowly, but finds her way to the bed without needing Astra's help. "Could you hand me that robe hanging just there behind you? Then we can move to the next pool." she asks.
As she doffs the towel, Astra can see the extent of what the storm has done to her skin.
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
" some emotions are just loud and the riples can be felt in the force" She said with a smile.
She nodes and turns to get the robe then hands it to Hadaza. " goodness all your tattoos are gone" she said a bit surprised.
" the next pool is at the center of the forehead it is associated with insight and is usually blocked by illusion. Things are not always what they appear to be" she said.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
As she puts the robe on, she replies to Astra's comment. "Based on what I gather, the skin was badly damaged over most of my body. Handyman had to remove it." she says as she holds out her arms. "It's so strange. I've never seen myself without them. Its like having your identity, your sense of self, scrubbed away. You may look at the world the same way, but even the people you see every day look at you differently, even if its just for a split second .. like they don't recognize you. Or maybe that's just me being self conscious," she says, wrapping her arms around herself and settling back into the pillows. She grabs Rancor and holds the bunny like a shield between her and Astra. The move is conspicuous, given that she was comfortable with the casual nudity of a moment ago.
She breathes in. "OK, center of the forehead. You mean here?" She touches the exact spot that Astra mentioned, then moves her hand away. Her brows crinkle. "Insight and illusions. How, precisely, does one discern if that they are seeing is an illusion?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
" when you looked in the year who did you see did you see you or someone else" She asked.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
Haj blinks slowly, at the out of context, yet pointed, question. It wasn't what she was expecting to hear next. Caught offguard, she answers without parsing her words, "Someone else. For just a moment it was someone else. And I was glad of it."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
" Are you sure it was someone else it was your reflection. If I were to die or cut my hair would I not be astra. So why is it without your tattoos you see someone else?" She asked.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
"Would you? Think seriously before you answer, Highness. How much of your identiy is wrapped up in those long, red locks of yours? If you aren't sure, we could always test that right here, right now." She gives Astra a playful smile before returning to her thought.
"Now think what it would mean to you if they were shorn to the scalp, never to return," she emphasises the last 3 words to drive the point home. "Undoubtedly, you would still be Astra. But would you be the same? Would you even be able to look at yourself and say, 'that's me'? Eventually, probably. But that first time, when the totality of the transformation really hit home, could you honestly look in the mirror and say you recognize the person looking back?"
She settles her chin on the bunny in her arms. "What you have to understand is that, for me, there's gratitude in the change. My eyes are the same, the shape of my cheeks & mouth are the same. I know who I am. And now I can walk through the world with a clean slate on the outside as well as the inside. Even if Handyman hadn't done it as a matter of medical necessity, I was going to ask him to remove them. Oh, in part it was because they were likely ruined beyond repair and, therefore, unslightly. And a girl has to have her little vanities," she says with a wink. "But its more than that. They were a reminder of a life that is not mine, one that's fraught with death and brought death with it ... or don't you remember that the Professor was almost killed because someone recognized me. Because I do."
She stops, remembering Ben's blood all over her hands as she pressed them to the wound in his side, admonishing the helvete for her inaction as he lay dying before her. "Now we have one less thing to worry about. And I'm glad of it. I see light where there was shadow. I see innocence where there was damnation. I have a fresh mien to go with a fresh spirit. There's hope. But it's no less strange than waking up wtih no memory."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
Astra smiled and missioned " You are correct, but you are still Haj tattoos or not. But you are also right it is a clean slate for you as it would be hard to recognize you now. Perhaps you can get new tattoos with new meaning" She sigested.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
Haj contemplates that. "I hadn't thought about it, honestly. Maybe once we beat the Swarm," she says thoughtfully.
The memory of what they were told in Master Drease's hut came to her. "Speaking of which," she says without any indication of outward connective tissue to thread the two thoughts together, "you never answered my question. You said the, what was it, 5th or 6th pool, insight and that its block was illusion. How, precisely, does one discern if that they are seeing is an illusion?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
" it's not always sometimes it's a perception that is not entirely true. Have you ever heard the resize don't judge a book by its cover" she asked. The thoughtful look on her face made it clear she struggled with a way to explain this. I know your perception of Ashanti. You see her as a threat but the truth is she is not a threat to you or anyone else on this ship. Or the two different jedi orders they are really the same group of people even though they live like they are divided " she said.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
Haj scowls at Astra. "I'll reserve my perceptions of the helvete as accurate unless and until she can prove me otherwise, thank you. And as someone who has more in common with her than I care to admit, I don't see them as all that illusionary, even if they aren't the whole of the picture. As for your example of different Jedi orders, I'm sorry to tell you that that one falls on deaf ears. I know exactly 3 - you, your Master, and Master Drease - and one person who decided that the Jedi was not for her. I have no basis for comparison between different orders."
"So I return to my original question - how does one determine if what their senses are telling them is real or illusion?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
Astra takes a deep breath " You can't always tell you can do your best to keep an open mind and gather as much information as possible befor making an informed decision, please forgive my inexperience as some of this I am still learning myself" She said gently.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
"Sooooooo then this," she points again to the center of her head, "is more about thinking before you act because you may not have all the information, or it may be the wrong information. Is that about right?" Haj sighs and frowns. "I'd say that seems evident, but recent events prove otherwise." She snorts her indignation at the irony, but stays present with the lesson.
Reaching over to grab the blue ribbon that Astra had given her, she ties up her hair as she recounts the pools so far for Astra:
First pool is at the base of the spine and is associated with survival; its blocked by fear
Second pool is in the lower back and is associated with pressure; its blocked by guilt
Third pool is in the stomach and is associated with willpower; its blocked by shame
Fourth pool is the heart and is associated with love; its blocked by grief
Fifth pool is in the throat and is associated with truth; its blocked by the lies we tell ourselves
Sixth pool is in the center of the forehead and is associated with insight; its blocked by illusion
"Is that right so far? And the Force flows between them like a river, connecting them to each other and then back to the source?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
Astra lissiond thankful that Haj seamed to finalybe understanding.
"That is correct the final pool is at the top of the head" she testers to the spot. " It's is associated with the force and is booked by attachments. Attachments wail a good thing can become a bad thing if you can't let them go. Think back to Quinn it was his love for me that let the queen twist him into what he is. Or my attaching to roza if im not carefully I'll drive her to the sith queen rather then protecting her from the Queen." She said
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
And there it was ... attachment. It always came back to attachment with these Jedi.
"Or how ...." flashes of each time that Durro was put in danger, real or imagined, because of her hit her gut and she looks away. "Your head pool and your heart pool seem to be working against one another, Highness. How do you reconcile that?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
Astra smiled " No they keep each other in balance. Attachment is a good thing but when the time come to say goodbye we need to be able to do that." She stops dropping her head.
" I'm sorry give me a moment to collect my thoughts" she said gently. Closing her eyes for a moment and breathing deeply.
" our attachment they can help make us stronger and help shape who we are." she said starteding to absentmindedly play with her brackle. " But they can become destructive when are attachment to someone becomes unhealthy. Like now roza is on baclid and the force has called me away from her. As much as I love and want to be there for her I have to let her go for now because if we do not stop the sworm she will not have a future and neither will anyone else. I know something is going on between you and my master but if the force should call him to somewhere you can not follow would you be able to let him go do what he needed to do?" She asked.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
"I don't know," she whispers.
She puts Rancor down on the bed and says more firmly, "I just don't know. I want to say yes, especially after what happened when Ashanti was impersonating Quinn. If that had really been Quinn, he, the girls, all of us, could have been killed because I couldn't let go of my attachment to him. I want to say that I know he is his own man with his own destiny and that I may not have a part in it, that it will break my heart to let him go, but I will do that if that's what is called for."
She looks at Astra with a powerful intensity, dropping her voice once more, "What I do know is that when the Force calls him beyond and he draws his last breath, I will go with him, detachment be damned."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
Astra smiled " it ok I understand and I thought that way once. After I lost Sol I had wished I died with him. It was roza who saved me." She said gently. She walked over and huged Hadaza.
" Just remember you can't control what he does or where his path takes him. But love still he needs you I can see that much" She said gently.
She let go of Hadaza stepping back letting the moment hang in the air. " What force skills has Tesara thought you? I do believe it's time to move to sumthing a little less difficult why don't we practice interacting with the force." she said
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
'I am Death' she told him. And because I am stong enough, I will see it through ... just not in a way either of them expects
Haj shakes off the dark thoughts that have crept into her spirit. She can't think about that now or she will get mired down. She needs to stay focused on the immediate future and the success that she has to believe awaits them all.
"Huh? Tesara? Um .... let's see. I know how to affect minds, move objects, enhance my abilities, and, of course, empathy," she finishes with a wry chuckle. "I'm not sure what else I could do. We found out about most of these skills by accident, though Tesara did tell me that it could be used to affect minds. We ... were ... talking about ...." she trails off. Astra can hear something about prank and Professor as Haj mumbles under her breath.
"So let's ask this question - as you know, have a I tendency to run off alone more often than not. What is a way that the Force can either help me to see where I'm headed or to keep me in touch with everyone when I'm separated from you?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
Astra lesions and chuckles at Hadaza's mumblings. " A prank on the professor sounds fun.
Astra smiles " Telepathy like remember when i shaired the image of Roza and Quinn with you" She asked.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
Haj nods, brow creased in concentration ...."I do ... show me"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
Astra nodded " Ok … let's start simple with an emotion. you sort of open your mind up to the force and let it carry the emotion" she said. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. She focused on the feeling of joy and let it flood the room.
OOC: @Haj you will need a telepathy roll. Astra takes ten witch should be more then enuff.
Haj — 04/11/2022
"Wait, Haj says. "I'm confused. Isn't emotion Empathy?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
"no empathy lets you read another persons emotions but to send and emotion is telepathy. its a starting place" Astra said.
Haj — 04/11/2022
Joy floods Haj's senses, carrying her away. Her eyes close as her heart swells. She can't help but open her arms to it, as though to a lover's long anitipated return.
"Ah, ok. So ... like this?"
She centers herself, trying to find an emotion. She focuses on gratitide, deep thankfulness for being alive, for being loved, and for the chance to make it right
@Princess Astra Korraay
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Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
Astra smiled feeling the emotion. "Gratitude interesting choice. that's exactly what how though it will take more practice its easer here because this planet is full of the force. why don't you try it one more time. pick a different emotion then will move on" She said.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
Haj searches her mind for an emotion. Unbidden, the vision of the young padawan at the end of her blade enters her mind. She's swamped with shame and regret ... and sends it before she can stop herself
Image
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
A startled look crosses Astra's face as the emotions wash over her. " Ok that enough of that.. i was not expecting that" she says as she sends out a wave of calm. "want to try images or words next?' she asked
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
Haj reaches out a hand to touch Astra's arm. "I'm so sorry, Highness. I didn't expect it. I was ... looking for something else..
She takes a shuddering breath, touching the calm that Astra is sending and bringing it into herself. "Let's do words. Likely safer, and more effecient."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
"Its ok you still did it and that was great" she said with a smile.
" ok so much like emotions but focus on the word or small frase you want to send. this will tier you out faster so when using words they need to be few and clear like this" Astra shut her eyes. she sends the fraise You can do this to Hadaza.
OOC: im takeing 10
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
Quite naturally, it seems, she sends back to @Princess Astra Korraay
Image
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
Astra burst into giggles Brilliant she sends back.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
"How far is the range, when we aren't on Origin, I mean. I assume that it's easier here because of the nature of this place. Can we communicate like this across the Gungnir? Across the village? A planet? A system?"
She sends a thought without meaning to Across time?
@Princess Astra Korraay
Image
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
Astra blinks " I believe the further away someone is the harder it will be to send a message as for across time no you can not send messages across time atlest as far as I know you cant" she said
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
"Oh .. you heard that, huh?" she says sheepishly. "Ok, it has a range. Not what I expected to hear, but I'll defer to your knowledge."
Haj gets thoughtful as she tries to understand the mechanics of it. "So we can send and receive images as well as words, is that right? Communication is limited to small snippets of info, short phrases. But what about images? Do they also have to be a single frame or image, like a building or item? Or can they be vistas?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
" its a signal image essentially what you see so umm.... like this" she said and sent Hadaza an image of Sol with his lightsaber raised the light blue of her training blaid could be sean in the image. "Its from a sparing match sol and i had. you can also pair images with emotions to send a more complete message" she said.
@Haj
Haj — 04/11/2022
Haj's tone is soft as she says, "He's handsome, Lillesøster. Roza favors you both. Thank you for sharing that memory with me."
She sits back on the pillow, interlacing her fingers on her lap. "I have a strange question - when someone sends you a message like this, how can you tell if what you are seeing is real or if it a false image sent to deceive you?
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/11/2022
Astra smiles "I think she has much more of her father in her" she said a distant tone to her voice.
"I don't know iv never sent and image I imagined before and well there was Quinn's father.." she said trailing off for a moment. looking thoughtfully.
" he taught me how to send and pull images from some one else mind ill explain that later. he sent me the image of a hooded figer with a red lightsaber and the emotion of alarmed along with it. it was one of the ways they signaled that they found a dark sider to the rest of there pack. but i really don't know how you would tell. there also the canection that i shair with Durro and Tesara shares a simaler canection but you have to have a speshal bond with the person for that" she said clerely thinking out loud.
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
Haj's mind whips as she tries to process this infodump that Astra has just given her. Her face scrunches in concentration as she tries to parse and process it all, some of it very disturbing.
"I have ... several questions, Highness. She holds up one finger. "First, sending emotions, words, and images I understand. We've just done that. And if you can send images, I have to imagine that you can send false images. But you are telling me that it is possible to reach into someone's mind and take images from them?" She looks very concerned at this. "That means someone with this skill, if highly developed enough, is capable of taking your deepest fears or secrets and turning them against you. Is that what you are saying is possible? That's ... very disturbing. How does one protect one's self from such an intrusion?"
She holds up a second finger. "You said something about a connection that you and Tesara share with Durro that requires a 'special bond'. How is what you are talking about different from what we have done here, and what you are telling me is possible?
She holds up a third finger. "What do you mean that Quinn's father had a signal for his 'pack'?" She puts down her hand and shakes her head, hair falling from the ribbon and into her face. "No. No. I really don't want to know that last one. But the others, absolutely."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
Astra just stares at her for a moment. " Oh my im so sorry I was thinking out loud, lets deal with this one at a time" she said.
" It is possible and someone like Quinn can do it easily. Let's I know.. " she says her eyes and sends Hadaza the image of a slightly curved lightsaber. It's simple in design but there's a light blue hint to the meatel as the light hits the hilt. " Find this reach out to the force and find it" She said.
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
She reaches out and catches a glimpse of the blue light
"ok, got it"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Image
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
She finds that the lightsaber had been Astra's. One she had built when she was 13 years old. " Good job now it's easy to do this here with me because im not resisting you. If a person has a strong enuff will they can resist and you can hurt them wail trying to get information from them. As for quinn there's no much defence for the power he wealds it's a special gift like my sight ability." She said
" Quinn and his father were jefi hunters and there team was called a pack. As far as I know all but Quinn is dead." She said a sad tone.
" The bond tesara and I shair with Durro seems to be based in Telepathy but it allows us to communicate freely across vast distances and we can shair full memorys with echother. But it requires a special bond shared between two people you and Tesara may be able to do as your apprentice. I know jedi share a special bond with their apprentices. The bond between Apprentice and the master is pretty strong in jedi. You and Durro my also have a connection that will allow you tow to caminicat in that manner as well." She said.
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
Haj is thoroughly confused. "If you sent me the image, how did I 'take' anything? What was different from the other times that we practiced this? Why is Quinn different if this is a skill that any Force user can wield?" She puts her head in her hands. "I was right there with you til the end, Highness. I think I need to stop practicing for a few minutes while I get my bearings."
She sits back, lays her head on the pillow, and closes her eyes.
"Jedi hunters," she says finally. "Like the Crusade?"
She lets the last part lie for now, not correcting Astra's incorrect assumption that Haj is Tesara's 'apprentice'. She was not now, nor would she ever, be a Jedi.
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
" What did you learn about the lightsaber I sent you," Astra said.
" yes, any force-sensitive can practice this ability a rare few are excellently good at it. Quinn is one of those. Just a signal touch and he can see everything without even trying. It much like with far seeing Durro, Tesara and I are all able to do it but im the only one that can see visions as if im there the detail is perfect and im rarely wrong. These rare abilities are extremely powerful and rare they are usually passed down a family line as well" She said trying to explain.
" no not like the Crusade jedi hunters are a special group of jedi who hunt down Dark sides they usually take them to starlight prison to get help coming back to the light side. " she added.
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
Haj is silent for several minutes. Then, without lifting her head or opening her eyes, Haj says, "It was yours when you were a youngling." Her tone is one of resignation, as if she doesn't understand what Astra wants from her and doesn't have the energy to try any longer.
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
" you found it's left a little exercise to help you get the idea of how to do it. Are you ok" she said gently.
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
"I'm fine, Lillesøster," she says, but Astra notices that her breathing has slowed.
"Those seven pools," she says,changing the subject without preamble, "you never said what they do, how to access them, or how to use them. Would you ...?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
" No I don't think you are fine. Does anything hurt or are you tired" she said.
" You reach out to the force feal the energy around you how it cannects and flows throw you. It's easiest to do during meditation but when you can feal it you use to hiten your senses and and some other force ability. I use it more commonly when im healing. " she said.
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
Haj cracks her eyes open to look at Astra, but otherwise doesn't move."You can use the Force to heighten your senses? You mean like sight and hearing?"
With some effort, she pushes herself up a little. "Show me."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
Astra burst into a fit of giggles and dropped to the floor. " im sorry I'm sorry " she muttered between fits of giggles.
" show me is your favorite Fraize, isn't it. Your name should be the curious wonder" she said with a smile.
" I think maby you should rest for a bit we can go to the cargo bay and use it to play a game of hiding and seeking after you have learned how to enhance your senses that is " she suggested.
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
Cheeks burning with embarassment, she grimaces as she moves to re-engage Astra. "I'm fine," Haj insists. "We can do Hide and Seek now. How do you use the Force to enhance your senses?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
" That grimis tells otherwise I think another brake is in order. Like I said you reach out to the force feal it flow this you and then invite it to be your senses" she said.
" Hay haj, next time you go on a misadventure can I join you," She asked a somewhat joking and playful tone to her voice.
OOC: if haj wants to try it it's an enhance senses roll.
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
Now thoroughly humiliated, Haj closes her eyes once more and reaches out to the Force with her whatever she has left in herself at this moment. She does as she is told and invites it into herself.
Suddenly, she can hear the rustle of Astra's hair against her robes as she laughs at Haj, smell the subtle scents that emanate from her.
"You smell like the sea, Highness. I think you may be dehydrated. You should, perhaps, get some water," she says with a fiendishly defiant smile
@Princess Astra Korraay
Image
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
" Well I was born in palice by the sea on baklid a gave of hid and seek will be fun after you have had some rest " she said.
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
"I don't need to rest. I told you I'm fine," Haj growls. She throws back the blankets to swing her legs around, determinedly headed for her chair ... and the cargo bay.
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
Astra grinns " ok lets go, you stubborn you know that" She said with a smile. As she moved to follow Hadaza to the cargo bay. " haj you know it's ok to tease back right" she said with a smile.
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
Haj doesn't respond to Astra's comment. When Astra looks down, she sees that Haj is unconscious
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
" Oh for the love of ..." she mutter as she moved to check on Hadaza make sure she was not hurt. "You stubern girl i told you this was a bad idea" she muttered.
Image
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
Haj rouses easily, though disoriented at having been stirred from the exhaustion to which she had finally succumbed. "I'm so sorry, Lillesøster," she admits, her words slightly slurred from debilitation. "It seems I'm not up to Hide and Seek right now. Please forgive me. I need to return to my room."
She turns and goes up the hallway she had just travelled, heading towards the rest she so desperately needs.
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
Astra smiles and shakes her head "I know you weren't. But you were to stubborn to lisson come one lets get you to be" She said and helped Haj get back to her room.
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
Haj yawns and rubs her arm. "I know it too, Highness. Your teasing made me angry, and embarassed, and I let it get the better of me. It seems I still have lessons to learn about detachment before I can learn about anything else. I think I should stick to the promise I made to Master Anerin and work on a meditation practice based in stillness for a while."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
" I'm sorry if it was upseting you you should have told me. I never actually meant any harm just some fun. You know you can tease back right" she said gently.
" As for meditation yes your still a little while and undisplaced but that will take time and practice" She said.
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
"It didn't feel 'fun', Highness," she says quietly. "It felt hurtful and mocking. It felt like you were deriding me, and still are, because I don't have your lifetime of discipline and training to keep me from making rash, foolish, and stubborn mistakes that result in dire consequences."
The bags under her eyes are dark against the sheen of sweat on her new skin. She exhales, "And, as irony would have it, it seems you had good reason. If you will excuse me, please, Princess Astra. I have overdone it today and the combination of pain, tiredness, abashment, and confinement have resulted in my becoming ill-tempered. I'm grateful for your company and your tutelage, Lillesøster. But I think Rancor Pateesa and I are overdue for some much needed time alone."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
" Of course, also im vary sorry."She said. She would make sure Haj made it back to her room safely befor heading off to meditate.
@Haj (end?)
Haj — 04/12/2022
Haj stops moving, looks over at Astra, and bows her head. "Thank you, Highness. I truly mean it. You've shown me so much today. As I said, I'm grateful for everything."
She looks up to Astra's face. "And while I appreciate your attention, I think would really like to be alone right now."
She sets the chair in motion to continue up the hall.
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
" I understand," she said. She kept her distance but made sure Haj made it back to her room safely. Her passing out in the hall once was bad enough.
@Haj
Haj — 04/12/2022
Weary in body and spirit, Haj makes it back to her room without further incident. She curls up in bed with her bunny, pulls the blankets over her head, and is asleep before her eyes are actually closed.
@Princess Astra Korraay ((end?))
Princess Astra Korraay — 04/12/2022
End