Tesara Hadaza Force training 12/26/2021

[Anatketani]

Tesara Anerin — 12/26/2021
Tesara welcomes Haj into her small private room on the professor’s ship with a smile.  “Come in, sit and we’ll talk.”
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/27/2021
Hadaza enters Tesara's room. It's as sterile as her own, but somehow seems warmer. It must be the lady herself that is causing this space to feel so much less like the medlab she woke up in that her own quarters mirror.

"Thank you, Tesara." She looks around for somewhere to sit and decides to perch on the end of Tesara's bunk. She curls up and hugs her knees; the unisex boilersuit not making her feel any less vulnerable despite the fact that she is fully covered. Her instincts tell her that she can trust this woman, but they don't put her at ease. She trained with Durro, she remembers, and Durro doesn't trust me. That thought flitters through her head, and is quickly followed by the memory of Tesara and Professor Kenobi speaking, if not ill of the Jedi, at least not favorably. Its the reason she's here. Durro gave her knowledge. She's hoping that Tesara can give her wisdom ... and instruction.
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/27/2021
Tesara notes how Hadaza sits, as if protecting herself from everything and everyone.  She didn't blame her after all Hadaza had been through.  "I want to be honest with you right away.  I am not a Jedi master, nor even am I a Jedi any longer.  I was trained by Durro and was on that path until I decided it was not for me.  Therefore I technically did not complete my training and was not given the rank of Jedi Knight who could then take on what they call padawans.  When you asked me to help train you in the Force, it took me back as no one has asked it of me."  She smiles a little.  "It was a shock and a great honor to be asked."  She watches Hadaza to see if she will loosen any of her tightly held muscles.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/27/2021
Haj relaxes a bit at Tesara's admission. That sort of bald honesty & humility is an indication to her that she is right in trusting Tesara, even this much. That said, she has few options, as neither Durro nor Astra is present, not that she could or would turn to either of them. Astra is a padawan herself, so Haj would not ask for her help regardless. And Durro? She's not yet sure about him. They will need to build trust, though what his reaction will be to her now can only be speculated. Between the "infestation" accusation & now the discovery of her Sensitivity, which he could not detect despite being a Master, she can't imagine that he will look favorably on her for some time to come.

This brings her back to Tesara. The lady waits patiently, as appears to be her mein. Without changing her body posture, Haj looks scrupulously into Tesara's eyes. "You candor deserves the same in kind. You have an advantage over me in that you have discovered a piece of who I am that I have lost. In this, I am choosing to trust you to rouse that piece from whatever depths it currently hides."

She unfolds slightly, knowing instinctively that to receive, she has to be open. As she does so, she continues, "I have spoken a bit to Durro about the Force. He told me about - how did he phrase it? - ah yes (OOC, the next part is a direct quote from Durro & is uttered in a voice that is a recitation of the quote) "an energy field created by all living things. All things that live touch the Force, but only a gifted few can control its flow, to an extent. For those few, time & training will grant them the ability to quiet their mind & hear the whispers of the Force, to feel the subtle pulls of its currents & allow it to guide & influence their actions."

Haj shakes off the recountal. "You said that there may be a test to determine the m-level in my blood. Can we start there so that we know what direction & level of intensity to take the training?"
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/27/2021
Tesara gapes at Hadaza as she quotes Durro, and the moment she is done, Tesara laughs gaily.  "Oh my goodness you did that so well!  Even I can't remember what he says word for word!  Perhaps you have an eidetic memory?"  She is grinning, as that whole thing was highly amusing.  "I am sure that Handyman has a way of finding out your midichlorian count.  I didn't even know that such a thing had a name.  I was trained by my mother, my aunt and my grandmother as a child to connect with the spirits.  Honestly, I know I have them but my own count is unknown to me.  If you wish to wait to start learning we can do that.  But midichlorian count is a box with which to put you in, and I prefer relying on my senses and the Force rather than a number."  She is still smiling.  "However, I would be happy to ask Handyman if he has a way of testing your midichlorian levels."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/27/2021
Haj considers Tesara's words about the limitations of testing, but its something she needs to know in order to learn more about her own abilities and limits. She has to know how much of a danger she is to these people should the Swarm decide that she is a conduit. "You are quite right about the box, but the more information I have, the more I have to offer. Could you ask Handyman for the tests? Perhaps he can find out things other than just my m-count."

Haj loosens a bit more, curiosity overruling her trepidation.  "You said your family, your female family, taught you to use the Force to 'connect with the spirits'. Durro spoke of others who use the Force, but are not Jedi." Again, she repeats Durro's words," 'The Dagoyan Order or the Nightsisters who use the Force and are known to the Jedi. And of course, there's the Sith, ancient enemies of the Jedi.'  Are you one of these? Of what spirits do you speak? Are they indigenous to your home alone or are they galactic beings?"

As she speaks, she become more and more animated, leaning towards Tesara as though she could pluck answers from in front of the other woman.
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/27/2021
Tesara smiles.  "We'll go find Handyman after we're done chatting. If He cannot perform that kind of test, it may have to wait until we find someone who can, but Handyman is fairly....Handy?"  She laughs again. "Yes, I grew up on a jungle planet.  The village I lived in was very small, and everyone had their own places. My family taught me about the Spirits, which is what we called the Force.  However I was also trained to be the village Yilsaani, but that didn't end up becoming my path either."  She frowns, recalling that entire part of her life, then shakes it off to refocus.  "Yes, there are others that are Force sensitive that do not follow the path of the Jedi.  I know of the NightSisters but I don't know much about them.  And the Sith..." She sighs a little. "The Sith are powerful Force users, but they mostly work with the Dark Side.  That is what causes them to be forever at odds with the Jedi. I am not a Sith, no. If I were I certainly wouldn't be on this ship."  She smiles warmly.  "The Force....what I was taught to call the spirits, is exactly what Durro says it is. You cannot see it or touch it, as it is not a material object.  Rather it is the life force that makes up all things.  In some it is stronger than others. There are Force sensitives who spend their days happily connecting with the Force for one thing or another but do not tap into it at the level that others do.  The Jedi..." She frowns again. "The Jedi use the Force as a way to keep peace.  They are trained in battle tactics with special Force imbued swords called lightsabers. You may see one on our journey, as both Durro and Astra have them.  I know how to fight with one as Durro trained me to, but when I stepped back from following the path of the Jedi, I could no longer claim the lightsaber as a weapon.  But..."  She reaches into a little bag near her hip and withdraws a tiny crystal.  "This is my kyber crystal." She smiles at Hadaza.  "Somewhere out in the world, there is one for you too."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/27/2021
Hadaza takes a moment to let what Tesara has said settle into her gut. She sets her face in thoughtful contemplation as she tries to unravel the idea that the Force is seen by some as 'Spirits'. Does that mean that they, it, grants boons? Or is it the person who grants the desire of the petitioner, who is they themselves?

"Are you telling me that someone who is proficient using the Force can have their will done and affect the outside world. Jedi keep the peace using it. That is their will. The Sith use it to ... to... to what, other than thwart the Jedi?" Her words peter off, though her brow crinkles and her eyes shift quickly from side to side, as if reading something that Tesara cannot see. She curls back down, chewing on her lip; her hands moving of their own accord, fingers moving as though playing with rings that no longer adorn them.

"Tesara, tell me of the Light and the Dark."
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/27/2021
Tesara watches Hadaza's face as she contemplates all of this.  To not have any memories of who you were or what happened during your entire lifetime had to be horrible.  To know the Force and connect with it then lose all sense of self?  Tesara felt awful for her.  "Yes, the Force can be used if it is your will, but it is better to know what the Force itself wills.  An example of this..."  She sighs a little.  "I have someone I care about very much.  A decision I made led to him nearly dying.  If I listened to my own heart and mind, I would not be here at all, but by his side.  As that would be MY will.  However, the Force led me here instead, because I listened to its Will.  There is a difference.  The Sith use the Force to gain power to assert their Will over others.  The light and the dark...."  She frowns for a moment, thinking.  "The Force is what holds the universe together.  Take it down into a smaller example, YOU are made up of this same Force.  This is what we call the light side, although that is a little misleading as well.  It's the Force in it's pure form.  If you were to become ill, something that eats away at your body, then that then becomes a sort of cancer within you.  The Dark side is that cancer.  It is a poison that affects the Force.  And over millennia, people have discovered that using the Dark side is very tempting, because it's the easy path.  To give in to the whispers inside your mind, tempting you to take that easy way, that is the Dark Side."  She watches Hadaza.  "Does that help explain?"
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/27/2021
Hadaza looks confusedly at Tesara. "No, not really. You say I am the Force, but I need to not use this power to do my will. You make it sound like we are subject to some unseen, all-knowing, conscience that we need to trust, sometimes to the detriment of our own well-being or desires. Do I have the right of it?"

She continues to contemplate this as she waits for Tesara to speak again, to explain how the energy that makes up all things is sentient, as though it was a second self inside one's own mind. The very though of this, when she has no mind of her own, no original self, is terrifying to her and she curls up tightly once more.
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/27/2021
Tesara notices Hadaza tensing up.  "The short answer is yes, but the more in depth answer is that you DO have your own Will.  I listened to the Force and sought its Will, but it was my decision to follow it.  There have been many times in my life where I did not.  Again, I am not a master.  I am only telling you what I was taught.  My mother and my aunt told me how to listen to the spirits.  It takes concentration, but once you know and understand how to, you can connect to the Force more easily.  I suspect that in your life before this one, you knew how to do this.  I also suspect that because it is what we call 'cellular memory' it will come back to you quickly, even though you don't know how or why.  I will not stand in your way if you choose to move in the world of your own Will."  @Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/27/2021
Once again, Hadaza quotes Durro, " 'It's hard to say how you know it's the Force you're hearing, and not your own thoughts. Discerning the difference comes from intense training and is only possible when one is calm, at peace with themselves and the universe.' It seems that whether Jedi or no, the beginnings of how to know your will vs the will of the All comes with learning how to listen. OK, so let that be the first lesson. Teach me how to listen" @Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/27/2021
Tesara smiles.  "You really do remember everything he said.  That's really impressive, you know."  She lowers herself to the floor and sits down to make herself comfortable.  "Come, sit down here with me and find a comfortable position.  The first thing you need to learn is how to breathe in rhythm which will lead to meditation.  This is the best way to listen to the Force."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/27/2021
Haj uncoils her legs and rises to stand before Tesara. She takes a moment to stretch her athletic frame to its fullest. She twists her torso, cracking her back, hips, and shoulders before she sinks lithely to the floor beside Tesara. She mirrors the other woman's pose, takes a deep breath in, exhales, and waits for instruction.
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/27/2021
Tesara watches how she does this with interest.  Again she thinks of the cellular memory stored somewhere within Hadaza and smiles.  She waits until Hadaza has settled before speaking.  "Close your eyes.  Know that this room is a safe space.  Just breathe for a few minutes."  ((OOC she waits until they have both settled into breathing in rhythm together))    "Now, pay attention to the way your body receives the oxygen and exhales the carbon dioxide.  Without this simple thing that we do thousands of times a day, we would not live.  Air is life.  Pay attention to the way your body connects with the floor.  Feel the gravity module of the ship doing its job very efficiently, even though we are traveling in hyperspace.  Listen to the sounds you hear and the thoughts that enter your mind.  You may have several thoughts.  It's all right. We are intelligent beings with the ability to process many things at once.  What is your mind telling you now?"
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/27/2021
Haj breathes slowly in and out, listening to the rhythmic pattern of Tesara's words. She can feel herself contract and expand with each breath, faintly detecting the scent of metal and female alike as they tickle her nostrils and her mind. Even with her eyes closed, she can see Tesara sitting so close to her in the cramped space that Haj could describe Tesara's expressions as she speaks - the way her lips and throat move as she forms each syllable.

(OOC: Rolls 19 for "Force Sense" Feat)

"My mind is telling me that you are intrigued by me, that you want more for me than I think I am capable of ... and you think I am capable of quite a lot." She breathes again, deeply, in and out, returning to that pinpoint inside herself, behind her heart and between her shoulder blades. Her hands twitch. "Jeg kan føle bekymringen din, som om du ikke er verdig til å lære meg ...", she opens her eyes, "... but you are."
@Tesara Anerin
Image
Tesara Anerin — 12/27/2021
Tesara smiles yet again at what Hadaza has said, but is a little startled at the words in another language.  "You're absolutely correct.  You do have abilities that are being released from behind the wall of your memory loss.  Did you know you just spoke another language just now?  Breathing in and out, center yourself in the knowledge that whatever came before does not matter in this moment.  What matters is this moment.  The Force will welcome you with quiet peace if you let it."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/27/2021
From a place of meditative detachment, Haj replies quietly in Outer Rim Creole, "There's nothing behind the wall"

She closes her eyes once more and continues breathing as Tesara has instructed her. She can feel herself falling into herself, her consciousness dropping below her ribs to settle into her gut. She reaches out once more to feel the ship beneath her, the woman beside her, and searches for more.

(OOC: Rolls 4 for "Force Sense" Feat)

But she is blocked, distracted by what Tesara has told her about speaking another language. How is that possible? She doesn't know her own name, let alone a home world that would give her another language. But, she thinks, I understand, or understood, Wookie. I knew how to rig a commstation to send out a distress signal. I know things! Why don't I know this?!

Frustration visibly overtakes her calm as the fight she knows she cannot win starts to dribble from her eyes.
@Tesara Anerin
Image
Tesara Anerin — 12/27/2021
Tesara sees this.  "Hadaza."  She says very softly.  "No one can move a mountain on their first try.  That you could not hear the Force on your first try is normal.  I promise.  It takes a long time of breathing exercises and meditation to be able to do this.  So rather than push, just open your eyes and look at me."  She says kindly.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/27/2021
Trying not to be overwhelmed by the emotions swirling around in her body, she takes a few more breaths before she opens her eyes. As she wipes her face, she says, "I'm sorry, Tesara. I didn't mean to lose my temper. You can't imagine what it's like to not know; to realize that you can do something, something that is almost instinctual at the time, only to come back to a place that is empty and you have no ... no... context for how or why you know it."

(OOC: Rolls 9 for "Alter" Feat)

As Haj speaks, the pillowcase on the pillow near her head starts to ripple lightly, as though from an unseen wind.
@Tesara Anerin
Image
Tesara Anerin — 12/27/2021
"Hadaza no one is going to be upset with you for losing your temper, or feeling sad or frustrated.  Think for a moment of all you have endured only just recently.  The rescue and the subsequent time in the medical bay, the confusion, the physical pain, all of these things are really BIG.  Truly.  Give yourself some credit for what you have survived.  You succeeded against incredible odds to be here.  And you will learn and be able to do more.  You may not know who you were but you have to start somewhere with who you are now."  She glances at the pillowcase and takes note, but does not draw attention to it.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/27/2021
Hadaza nods slowly, deliberately, affirming to both Tesara and herself what her teacher, no, my friend, she thinks, has just told her. She exhales slowly, trying to calm her body and her mind. "Losing control of my emotions was what caused the nurses to sedate me to insensibility in the medlab. It's an experience I'd like not to repeat should someone be of a mind that I could try to do myself harm once more".

The stilted, formal cadence of Haj's words stands directly in contrast to the voice that uttered from her lips but moments ago. "Shall we try again?"
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/28/2021
Tesara frowns.  "I am very sorry they did that to you.  That must have been terrifying on top of what had already happened.  But I can see clearly now that whatever loss of control you had previously is in the past.  I think perhaps some kind of physical activity such as combat skills might help those emotions."  She grins.  "I know when I was mad as hell I punched a hole through a wall but WOW did it help!  Stung my knuckles like fury and the wall was only made of hardpacked mud but...it was a glorious feeling to get it OUT."  She shifts her position.  "We can try again, yes.  But after this we can go to the cargo area for physical exertion."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/28/2021
Haj's hands twitch at the memories of her helpless with both the Swarm and her own emotions. Tesara is offering to help her gain control of both. She sees the gift here and offers a gift in return.

"You know what? The metal is cold and I'm feeling a bit stiff. Let's go to the cargo area now. We can get back to meditation later, when we are both warmer." She leaps gracefully to her feet and puts a hand out to Tesara. "And please, call me Haj"
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/28/2021
Tesara is pleased, as this is what she was hoping Hadaza would do.  She beams at her, takes her hand and pulls herself to her feet.  "Excellent.  I could use with some practice with my bow.  I have dunium tipped arrows and it killed one of those bugs.  Until... it came back.  Problematic."  She shrugs, then smiles.  "Haj it is.  Come on."  She grabs her bow and quiver and opens the door to her room.  They arrive at the cargo area of the ship, which is perfect for their needs.  "What would you like to do first?"  Tesara asks her.
Hadaza — 12/28/2021
Haj looks around at the large area. She's not certain where to begin, having no clue what her skill may include, if any. Her agitation visible as she bounces lightly on the balls of her feet. "Part of me wants to see how well I can scale these walls and part of me wants you to fire those arrows at me to see if I can catch them", she says with a chuckle. She brandishes her hands as though shaking off invisible water. She is on the qui vive from the meditation and feeling the course of energy through her system has her ready to take on the Swarm single handedly.

She looks over puckishly at @Tesara Anerin . "Why don't we combine the two?"
Tesara Anerin — 12/28/2021
Tesara raises an eyebrow.  "Why don't we see how well you can scale the walls with the boxes in their current positions.  If you succeed we can move them into tougher positions and have you try that.  If that works I can consider firing arrows at you but I have to warn you, these are deadly and I have been doing this since I was five."  She grins a tiny grin.
@Hadaza
Image
Hadaza — 12/28/2021
Haj's preemptive smugness is rewarded with an unceremonious drop on her ass. "Ow"

She rises, rubbing her hopefully unbruised rump and chuckles to herself. The fretful look on Tesara's face makes her feel a bit chagrined. "I'm ok. The only thing I hurt was my pride." Haj looks at the boxes again and sighs. There's no reason I can't do this. It's not like I have to remember how to climb, she thinks. With that in her mind, she looks over again at Tesara  and sighs. She owes the other woman better than to treat her with disrespect.

"Let's leave that for now. Would you show me your archery skills?"
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/28/2021
Tesara shakes her head.  "Not yet.  Try again.  This time, focus.  Look at the boxes.  Determine which ones will help you get the highest the fastest.  What ones look unsteady or flimsy?  Then, close your eyes, breathe, center yourself within your body, and try again.  Absolutely zero judgment from me, ok?"
@Hadaza
Tesara Anerin — 12/28/2021
Image
Tesara Anerin — 12/28/2021
Image
Hadaza — 12/28/2021
Haj does as instructed and surveys the boxes with a keen eye. Her discernment, however, was for naught when, once again, she was dropped on her ass, this time from a slightly higher level. She rises indignantly to her feet, brushing off the knees of her pants and glowers at the dubious pile of crates.

Exasperation causes her temper to rise once more. She starts to pace. An errant lock has escaped her braids as a result of the tumbles. She exhales sharply, attempting, unsuccessfully, to blow it back into place. Eventually, she gives up and tucks it forcefully into another braid. All the feelings of helplessness return to her and she can't calm herself as adrenaline swamps her. She stalks over to her friend and teacher to look her defiantly right in the eye. "And just how do you propose I do that, @Tesara Anerin ?"
Tesara Anerin — 12/28/2021
Tesara can see the agitation, but she knows Hadaza's temper has flared but has not resulted in rudeness nor physical violence, so she gives her an appraising look.  "Come on, follow me then.  Go where I go."  Tesara removes the quiver and sets down her bow, then eyes the boxes, looking for a good starting point.  The second box she grabs shifts and sends her also crashing back to the floor.  She laughs right out loud.
Image
"Who knew a bunch of silly boxes would be this hard to climb?"  She is laughing as she stands, and then focuses, does what she asked Hadaza to do, and tries again.  She gets a few more boxes up and stops, standing on one and looking down.
Image
Image
Hadaza — 12/28/2021
Tesara's positive attitude and patient determination is infectious. Haj shakes her head ruefully at her own bad behaviour and scrambles, successfully this time, up after Tesara. Slightly winded from her exertions, and realizing that the doctor may have been right after all in that she was still weak from her injury, she takes a moment to stand on the boxes and look at the cargo area from a different angle.

"Tesara," she starts, "can you tell me more about the light that you need to fix in order to conquer the Swarm?"
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/28/2021
Tesara is pleased to see Haj following, and reaches tentatively for the next box, testing the placement and strength.  "Yes, it's called the Light of Elisium, or at least that was what Orchid called it.  But everywhere we turn there seems to be mentions of a light that has prevented the swarm from coming.  And somehow, it was put out.  We don't know by who, or why, or even where it is - although I suspect the Professor knows.  If we--" She pulls herself up and grunts a little to balance herself;  "if we can re-light it somehow, maybe that will stop them."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/28/2021
Haj follows Tesara easily up to the next box. She seems to have found her rhythm for the climb.  "Orchid? Who's Orchid? Durro didn't mention that name when he told me of your crew."

She sits down on the box and dangles her feet over the edge. Perspective is everything, she thinks as she takes in the higher location. While waiting for Tesara to answer, as she imagines there is a story behind this Orchid, she breathes deeply and reaching out with that part of herself that she doesn't yet completely understand.
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/28/2021
Tesara sits on a different box, glad to take a moment to breathe.  She's impressed with how far they got.  Now they would have to go down and that was equally as difficult.  When she heard Haj ask about Orchid, she sighed.  "It's such a long and complicated story.  Some day I promise I will tell you all of it, but I don't want to overwhelm you.  Orchid is not a member of our team.  She is a Sith.  And...." Tesara frowns, trying to come up with a way to explain.  "It is as if my mother has a twin, that's Orchid.  My mother is good, light side.  But Orchid is Dark Side.  She sees me as her daughter as well."  She cringes.  "I'm sorry, I know that is not making any sense.  The bottom line is that Orchid is a Sith, but she told me about the Light of Elisium."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/28/2021
Haj's awareness is both lulled and heightened by the sound of Tesara's voice. She doesn't understand everything that the other woman is saying, but she gets the gist. She starts to climb down, slowly at first to make sure she has her footing, and so that she can continue her conversation with Tesara. "The Light of Elisium ... it sounds like a faerie tale told to keep children from being frightened of the dark. How do you know its even real?"

She stops her descent and turns around to face Tesara, her face etched with the grief of her current situation. "Then again, if someone had told me about creatures like the Swarm, or that I would be like the princesses of old, waiting to be kissed in order to woken from a long sleep, I would have thought the same thing about those." @Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/28/2021
Tesara's face looks grim for a moment.  "I really don't know if it is a fairy tale, but I don't think so.  There are so many texts and visions and hints about it...there has to be something to it."  She gingerly climbs down after Haj.  It takes all of her concentration to do so, and when she lands, she is feeling better.  "How do you feel now?"  She asks, curious.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/28/2021
"I don't know if I feel better, but I am definitely calmer than I was." Hadaza walks over to the portal window to look out on the stars. The vast emptiness of space mirrors the emptiness she is feeling in her core right now. The echo of her last comments swirls around in her mind ... a mind, she thinks, that is as vast and vacuous as the expanse before me

She inhales deeply and sets her shoulders, resolved to leave those feelings here at the dormer. With a lightness that she is intentional, she turns towards Tesara.  "You were going to show me your skill with a bow, were you not? Perhaps maybe some tumbling as well, if you are of a mind. I feel like ... how did you phrase it? ... combat skills?"

As she says it, she reaches behind her and starts to walk her hands down the wall behind her, arching her body into a deep backbend until her hands touch the floor, forming a bridge.

She lets out a deep, satisfied exhalation from this position before flipping her feet over to land on the wall, ending in a handstand. Using only her hands to turn herself around, she lowers her feet to face the portal once more. With a last look out into space, she looks over her shoulder at Tesara with a wink, and grabs the other woman's bow and quiver as she strides toward her for a lesson in archery. @Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/29/2021
Tesara gapes in amazement as Haj bends over, contorting her body into a near perfect bridge, then continues with the handstand.  "You don't need any training in tumbling, that's for sure!  In fact I may ask you for help on learning that myself!  Maybe not the back-bend though.  That looked a little painful."  She laughs as Haj takes her bow.  "First we need to find a target that won't be destroyed by the arrows."  She looks around for a good option as a target but is having trouble finding anything that would survive the dunium tipped arrows, muttering to herself.  "Wish I had a bale of hay like I used to practice on at home..."
@Hadaza
Tesara Anerin — 12/29/2021
Image
Hadaza — 12/29/2021
Haj points at the boxes they were just climbing.  "What about those?", she says.

She takes one of the arrows out of the quiver. "What's so special about these arrows anyway?" She taps her fingers on the tip gently. "I heard them say something about ...", she trails off to remember the word they used, ".... dunium, but I don't know what it is, other than that it can break the carapace of the Swarm. What is it?"

As she's talking to Tesara, Haj begins twirling the arrow in her fingers like a baton. Then she stops and lays the arrow on the flat of her hand.  Breathing like Tesara had told her, she reaches out her awareness in an attempt to lift the arrow. It rises a few centimeters in the air, then falls without fanfare back to her palm. @Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/29/2021
Tesara does her best not to gape, open mouthed at Haj again.  "See!!!??"  She clapped her hands gleefully.  "I knew you'd tap into it!"  She is grinning.  "Yes, the arrows are tipped in dunium.  It is an extremely strong metal element that can penetrate pretty much anything.  And if I fired on one of those boxes, whatever is inside would be destroyed and possibly even the contents of the box on the other side as well."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/29/2021
Realizing what she has in her hand is too dangerous to play with should she lose control of herself, Haj gingerly puts the arrow back in the quiver and walks backward from Tesara's side.  "Are you sure its safe to fire one of those things while we are in flight? I mean, one hole in the hull and, well, you saw what happened to all those people on the derelict and then again on the venator.  Maybe we should start with hand to hand?" @Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 12/29/2021
Tesara nods.  "You had the same thought as I did.  Yes, hand to hand sounds good.  Remember what I said about the Force?  It helps the user be just a tiny step ahead of the other person.  So for instance, if I was centered within the force, I could close my eyes and still be able to dodge a blow."  She chuckled.  "Of course it's not foolproof.  And you look like you'd throw a wicked punch.  So let's start small."  She says, standing with her feet slightly apart, she closes her eyes and reaches out with the Force to feel it swirl around her.  When she opens her eyes, she nods.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 12/29/2021
Haj stands with her feet slightly apart, hands balled into loose fists. She lunges in with a quick right jab aimed squarely at @Tesara Anerin's jawline
Tesara Anerin — 12/29/2021
((OOC OK I think that we're going to have to use actual rolls and combat skills, etc here.  Since your character sheet is not available yet and you don't currently have access to Roll20, I think we should request @TheTraveler to assist.)))
Hadaza — 12/29/2021
(OOC - I have a sheet, but not here at work. Its at home. And it's only bare bones. So I concur about getting @TheTraveler involved.
Pausing til we get input from him)
TheTraveler — 12/29/2021
((OOC: @Hadaza @Tesara Anerin blinks Blinks I um...I agree, I say we gather up a virgin for the sacrificial summoning of TheTraveler....he dare not refuse such a gift! yells where is Astra! LOL

Okay what do you need from me?))
Hadaza — 12/30/2021
((OOC @TheTraveler If Astra is a virgin, I'm a pygmy marmoset.
@Tesara Anerin, let's do this over the NY break, when I have access to Roll 20. I will use my strength modifier, but no combat skills))
Tesara Anerin — 12/30/2021
((OOC Okay ??)))
Tesara Anerin — 01/01/2022
((I rolled a 22 and per the agreement Gisela and made for this, I will add 9 to all rolls for my current level, which makes this 31))

Tesara spins easily out of the way, whirling around so she is behind Haj now.  If she had not been prepared she is certain Haj might have broken her nose.  There was no doubt that her new friend was strong and quick.  But the force had aided her in that preemptive way which gave her the ability to see what would be coming at her seconds before it did.

@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/01/2022
Haj's swing didn't meet the resistance she was expecting. Not that she was swinging to hit the back wall, but not hitting anything at all caught her completely flatfooted.

Head on a swivel, she catches sight of Tesara out of the corner of her eye. She can't figure out how the other woman moved so fast, as though she were in front of Haj one moment and behind her the next.

Turning around, she says, "Tricksy. Tricksy. How did you do that?"
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 01/01/2022
Tesara smiles, but there is no smugness in it.  "I told you, I am in tune with the Force.  I trained with Durro for more than five years.  Truthfully most of that was lightsaber sparring, but I don't need a lightsaber to fight.  Try again, this time close your eyes and try to feel the Force.  Take a moment to center yourself.  Try to hear a whisper telling you right or left, or maybe not a whisper, but a gut instinct.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/01/2022
Haj takes a moment to follow Tesara's instruction.
((OOC rolled 17 for Force Sense)))

One breath, then two. By the fourth breath, she can almost feel Tesara's skin on her own.  She lashes out, fast ... too fast ... and misses again. ((OOC - rolled 7 for strength))
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 01/01/2022
Tesara sidesteps once more, having watched Haj closely.  "That was much better."  She smiles.  "Stand at the center of the room."
She waits until Haj has done so.  "Now close your eyes again.  I am going to move away from you, and I want you to spin a few times.  When you come to a stop, with your eyes closed, find me.  Use the Force to do so."

((I rolled a 9 on move silently, adding 9 makes 18))

Tesara moves away from Haj as quietly as possible, moving to the far left corner of the room.  She stands still, waiting until Haj stops spinning to hold her breath.

@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/01/2022
Haj does as she is told once more. Spinning and spinning, its waking up all over again ... the dark, the disorientation. Fear crawls up from her gut to her throat and threatens to come out as a scream.  She stops and kneels down, palms tight to the ground; her breath heavy in her own ears.

She slows her breathing as Tesara taught her. Inhale through the nose. Exhale through the mouth. Slowly. One at a time, she regains her focus. ((Sense Force = 12))

Calmer now, she steps blindly to her left, sure that Tesara is there somewhere, but unable to pinpoint her location. Eyes, still closed, she can feel the cold of the metal hull both physically and with the her "other senses", as she call them. Moving along the wall, she can feel herself getting closer to Tesara, but can't quite find her.
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 01/01/2022
"Stop."  Tesara says softly, bringing her location to Hadaza's ears.  "You are allowing fear to control you.  You are so much stronger than your fear, your past, your trauma.  You are strong, Haj.  Don't ever forget that you are stronger than your worst fear.  Listen to the sound of my voice and know that everything I am saying is true."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/01/2022
Haj pulls up short at Tesara's voice. She lets the sound wash over here, into her, lets the words fill in her the places that pulled away in terror.

She realizes that her heart hammers in her chest; her gut twisted. Tesara can see the struggle on Haj's face as she tries to compose herself with her breath once more, or maybe for the first time, since she stopped spinning.

Her eyes still closed, she feels swamped. She clings to the wall, her fingers seeking out crevasses she can clutch for security and grounding.

Panic fights with force of will to gain control. Breath in. Breath out. Strength in. Fear out. The rhythym slows.

Her eyes fly open suddenly. "Tesara, I can't. They always come in the dark."
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 01/01/2022
Tesara comes closer, kneeling down in front of Haj.  "I'm sorry, Haj.  I didn't know the spinning would bring this on.  Take my hand."  She says gently, holding it out.  "Just sit with me a while until the fear dissipates."  She is watching Haj, concerned.  She hasn't seen fear this powerful in a long time.  "We're alone, in the cargo bay on the professor's ship.  We're moving through hyperspace.  Your fear has a powerful grip on you right now, but it's weakening because there is no danger."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/01/2022
"NO!" We're never alone. They are watching me. I heard them! I need to run."
((roll for "climb" = 20))

She bolts up from the wall and across the cargo bay before Tesara can utter another word. With the speed and agility of a krishkneya, she ascends the same tower of boxes that gave her such difficulty earlier.
((roll for dex = 19))

From her place on the floor, Tesara can see the blind panic that has sent Hadaza to the highest point in the room. Its evident that Haj is seeing enemies that aren't there and is trying to find a way to evade them. With nothing but a split second, Hadaza bounds from the top of the cartons, does a flip in mid-air, and lands on her feet facing the door, half running even as she lands.
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 01/01/2022
Tesara stares in astonishment for a moment, then begins running to stop Haj from bolting out of the door.  She jumps wildly towards the door to stop Haj.
((I rolled a 12 on jump + 9 = 21)))
She lands in front of the door and pushes Haj back before she can slam into her.

((I rolled 24 on affect mind + 9 = 33))

"STOP."  She commands.

@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/01/2022
Haj slams into the invisible wall of Tesara's decree and crumples. A sheen of sweat and tears varnishes her cheeks as she looks up.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry.", she mumbles, "Please don't call the nurse"
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 01/01/2022
Tesara puts her arms around Haj and holds her as the woman trembles.  "Haj, there is no nurse on the ship, remember?  It's just you and me, the professor and Handyman right now.  Durro and Astra are on Durro's ship.  No one is going to do anything to you that you don't want."  She says gently.  "You had some kind of trauma get kicked up and you reacted, that's all.  It's all right."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/01/2022
For the first time since she awoke in the dark, in pain, confused and frightened, fighting for her life, Hadaza breaks down. Tesara's heartfelt compassion had devastated her resolve. Keening wails break from her throat, unbroken only by her inhale. She cries for all that she's lost. She cries in rage and in grief. She cries for herself, for her team, for Tesara and Astra and Mishka. She cries for strangers, since they are all strangers, because she can't cry for loved ones.
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 01/01/2022
Tesara knows this kind of grief.  She saw it in her village on Lanus as her mother and aunt tended to the widows of the men who never returned, to the mothers of the children that died before their time.  The keening is an age-old memory for her, and she does the only thing she can think of.  She sinks carefully to the cold steel floor of the cargo hold and keeps her arms around Haj as she sobs and keens and grieves for everything she has lost.  It has been a long time coming, and she is glad that she was here to catch her.  She merely holds her, rocking her ever so slightly until it passes and Haj is left shuddering in her arms, gasping for air.  She waits until there is quiet and the sagging of Haj's shoulders, signaling that it's done.  Still, she waits for Haj to decide when to pull away and regroup.
Thank you, mama, for teaching me how to midwife this grief.

@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/01/2022
Hadaza finally unfurls from Tesara's merciful, wiping her face as she comes up for air. Quietly, she says, "Thank you Tesara. And I'm sorry."

Tesara watches as the Zabrak woman's mask slips back into place, once again hiding her behind the façade of detachment that everyone is pretending isn't there.

"It seems the weight of it all finally took it's toll." She rises to her feet, brushing invisible crumbs from her pants. "Thank you for the lessons and for your kindness. Now if you will excuse me, I think I would like something to drink."

She starts to leave the cargo bay, stops, and turns her head slightly over her right shoulder. "I hope this incident doesn't stop our lessons, Master Anerin. As you have seen, I am clearly in need of your tutelage. Good afternoon." With that, she sweeps out of the cargo bay headed to the mess. @Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 01/01/2022
Tesara opens her mouth to say something but Haj is gone before she can speak.  It was astonishing how fast she went from open, raw, keening grief to cool and detached.  And 'Master Anerin'?  But she had told Haj she wasn't a master.  She was just...herself.  A part of her wants to go after Haj to make sure she is okay, and yet a little voice in her head tells her that Haj needs some space to process what just happened.  Whatever voices Haj heard in her mind were cruel and cutting, she could tell.  And it loved her fear.  For a brief moment the image of the Keeper came to her and she shuddered.  She was terrified of him, but it felt as if whatever terrified Haj was tenfold above that.  She gets up, surveys the cargo hold to make sure nothing had been broken or out of place, and returns to her room.  She needs to think, and to meditate.  And to allow Haj her personal space.

/end