Breakfast for Dinner 4/3/22

[Anatketani]

Haj — 04/03/2022
Despite all that Durro did to make it comfortable for her, the hover chair chafed. Not her body, though that hurt as well. It was the weakness, the confinement. For one who was constantly in motion, the stillness vexed her.

She knew that the conversation had the potential to be more uncomfortable. But it didn't need to be so. She was alive. And she was here with her Beloved. She wanted to bring a lightness to the table, even, and especially, if, as she suspected, the topics were likely to get heavy.

She had been maudlin upon waking, and there would likely be moments in the coming days when her inner demons would get the better of her. Right now, she wanted to revel in the sweetness of syrup and her companion.

"@Durro Thel-Tanis," he can hear the smile in her voice, "if you wanted to race to see who will be making breakfast, I'm pretty sure that I could see my way to let you have a head start."
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/03/2022
"I expected to make the pancakes." Durro says lightly. "Though it's not a dish I've made before; so I may need some guidance."

They arrive at the galley and, with direction, Durro starts gathering the ingredients and utensils and dishes need to begin the cooking process. As he puts a mixing bowl and the counter and finds a skillet he says;

"At least I'm not trying to make fish this time. This seems a much simpler endeavor."
@Haj
Haj — 04/03/2022
She chuckles at the memory. "Considerably, though it can be made more complicated if you like."

She finds a way to situate herself close enough to stir the liquor that is reducing down to a thick syrup so that it doens't burn. The heat on her new skin turns her a brighter shade of pink.

She manuevers her way to the batter bowl, poking a finger in to steal a taste. "Mmmmm," she says with a smile around the finger still in her mouth. "Success. You may have found your true calling, Durro. How do you think Astra would feel about her Master hanging up his lightsaber in favor of a frypan?"
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/03/2022
"I almost hung it up in favor of a spoon; a frying pan wouldn't be that much a stretch." He says with a grin.

As he rummages around for a measuring cup he adds;

"Though I'm still 50/50 on hanging up the lightsaber anyway. I've been told by a few Jedi here that violence isn't the Jedi way. We use the Force, for knowledge and defense, no mention of a lightsaber. In fact, Master Palpatine of the Olivan order reminded me that the Jedi Order is much older than the invention of the lightsaber; it wasn't always a key feature of being a Jedi."

He pours two cakes into the frypan and watches them, spatula in hand.

"It's funny; I was a soldier, and wholly sold on our cause. I had a genuine passion for bladework and was damn good at it. While I still love the art as an expression of mastery over one's body; I feel it's antithetical to the Jedi philosophy to wield one. A maddening contradiction."

He flips the cakes and silently watches them, his brow furrowed in concentration.
@Haj
Haj — 04/03/2022
"Kjære, if you continue to scowl at them like that, they are going to wither in the pan and will end up flat as a, well, um .. hmmm. Somehow that analogy is too on the mark to make my point."

She returns to the pot with the simmering syrup. "You know as well as I do that what we have to face will not be vanquished with lightsaber. Perhaps it is time to find a different way. Which," she adds quickly, "is not to say that you should allow your lightsaber skills to diminsh! I will be the first one to say that it is a pleasure to not only watch you practice, but to benefit from your skills as a teacher, even if you do put my on my heels more often than not. I look forward to the day when I can finally best you. You wouldn't deny me the spoils of that well earned victory, would you?"

Her tone turns more serious. She positions herself beside him. "The lightsaber may not have always been a key feature of being a Jedi, Durro, " she says looking up at him. "But it is a key feature of being you, and that matters as much as, if not more than, someone else's philosophy, no matter how old it is."

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/04/2022
"That's the problem; both ideas are mine." Durro says, taking the first pair off the frypan and pouring two more on.

"Swordplay is my passion; has been since I first held a blade. Starting on Lanus though; my saber never really left my hut. I had no need to wear it and did not. I learned in my limited dealing with neighboring villages that going unarmed sets people at ease. When we left Lanus, I carried my saber in my bag as a compromise; I appeared unarmed but it was nearby if needed. As my knowledge of the Force has increased, I wonder if I've outgrown the need for a lightsaber, and if it should be relegated to the training field in keeping with the Jedi philosophy of knowledge and defense. It's a question I still don't have an answer to."
@Haj
Haj — 04/04/2022
Haj sits quietly, holding space as she watches the coflict filter through Durro's countenance.

This is part of why she fell in love with him, this complexity & contradiction. He is able to plumb the depths of a man's struggle to make peace with himself while effortlessly engaging in the lightness of the lovingly domestic act of making breakfast with her.

"Please forgive my impertinence, Master Thel-Tanis," says softly, "but you sound as though you are discussing attachment. Perhaps you have, how did you say it, outgrown the need for it? Perhaps you are, simply put, afraid to put it down because to do so means you feel somehow dimished when you don't have it nearby. Would it, then, be less a weapon at that point & more a security bunny?"

She checks the sweet liquid to ensure it hasn't burned, removing it from the heat just in the nick of time.

"If you feel that you are not competent, capable, or complete without it, then you should stop carrying it. It should be an accessory, not an extension. But I believe that you know that already. So you are left with your attachement to it."

She pours the contents of the pot into a pitcher, bringing it & the utensils to the table before returning to finish her thought.

"There is an old phrase that says 'If you have it it and don't need it, you have lost nothing. If you need it and don't have it, you could lose everything'. Your lightsaber may or may not have saved you against Quinn. It may or may not save you against the Sith Queen when we find her. It definitely didn't save you against that storm. And it most certainly won't save you against Malora. Circumstance has shown you that even if you have it, you could lose everything."

She shivers lightly, shaking the dark thoughts from her spirit.

"There are weapons aplenty among our number, Durro. Keep your passion for yourself. Let it fill you, feed you, so that you can feed those around you. And trust that you will know when it is time to carry it in battle once more."
Haj — 04/04/2022
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/04/2022
"An interesting choice of words; 'an accessory and not an extension'." Durro says, starting the next round of pancakes, this time adding a few links of ewok sausage to the frypan.

"The Jedi teach that your lightsaber is an extension of yourself, that you and your blade are one and act as one. That it's your most valuable possession and should be protected with your life, as it protects yours and others."

"You're also right in everything else you said." He adds. "Which leads me to the conclusion that the Jedi are simply wrong."

He grins at her.

"It does happen from time to time, believe it or not."

After a moment of silence, he adds with a mischievous smile;

"It's funny to imagine my lightsaber filling the same role for me as Rancor Pateesa does for you..."
@Haj
Haj — 04/04/2022
She flushes deeply, dropping her head slightly and looking away. "Indeed", she murmurs with a small, self-conscious, half smile. "And while I'm sure your lightsaber would best him in a fight, I'm equally sure the rabbit is more comfortable to snuggle up with at night," she adds with a wink, her smile matching his for mischief.

She needed this, this simple ease. Her thoughts had been too dark of late. Embers ignite  in her mind, casting shadows. She pushes them away, refusing to give them what they need to become fully formed flames. "Great Mother Goddess, but I'm starving. The sausage  was a brilliant idea. I believe I'll need the protein more than the sugar if I'm to heal in enough time to keep the girls from becoming rabbits themselves. Speaking of which, where were you planning on taking them for their outting? I mean, there isn't much here to see, unless you plan on digging in the sand."

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/04/2022
"Into the village." He answers simply. "I promised Cheerie we would go exploring. Between myself, Handyman, Tesara, and Astra; we should be able to keep a handle on nine little girls."

He removes the pancakes and pours the last of the batter into the frypan with the sausage, which is starting to smell very tempting. While they cook, he cracks two eggs into a bowl and stirs them.

"Do you want eggs?" He asks, glancing over at her. "If so, how?"

He turns back and flips the last two pancakes.
@Haj
Haj — 04/04/2022
"Two, please. Sunny side up," she replied blithely, trying to mask her disappointment at not being able to join them for the excursion

She reaches forward, snatches a hot flapjack from the stack, and starts munching. Falling back into her chair with a grimace, she says "Mmm! These are good! I do believe you have redeemed yourself from the fish."

"And as for the girls, you will have very little choice but to keep a handle on them without me. I'll be in that bacta tank til I'm old and grey." She pulls at her locks and notices that there are white streaks mixed in the dark curls now. "Seems I'm ahead of schedule .. or I've been in there longer than I thought," she ends with a wry smirk.

"Speaking of old and grey, when last I saw you, you were with the Professor. How is he? His time with the Judges seem to have revealed some painful truths to him, as they did with us all. But to discover that you had a child that passed from this world before ever even knowing it existed."

She sighs and continues to nibble on the pilfered cake. "The Judges were not kind to him, not that I think they were kind to any of us, " she trails off. "Or maybe its not that. Maybe its that they were not civilized as we understand it, but, by their own standards, kinder ... in the grander scheme of things at any rate."
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/04/2022
"Last I saw the Professor, he was talking to Falynn. She had just given him something of Rose's I believe. That was when I saw you and I took off. I don't know anything after that."

The scrambled eggs do not take long, only a couple of minutes, they are finished before Durro, looking thoughtful, continues his answer.

"From how he sounded with Falynn and with us, I'm not sure what to think. I want to talk to him about it, but I just haven't had the time yet."

He slides his eggs onto a plate and starts two cooking, sunny-side up.
@Haj
Haj — 04/04/2022
"As do I. He seemed ... distraught. And that is distinclty out of character for what I know of him, thought I can't say I'm surprised given the revelation."

She eyes a sausage, but decides to wait. She worries her nail instead. It was no coincidence to her that Durro didn't comment further on the Judges and, as she has told him, she would not pry into what he is not willing to offer freely.  He will tell her if and when he is ever ready to do so.

Refusing to allow this moment to be derailed, she finishes preparing his plate for him in comfortable silence. Then something dawns on her. Her eyes widen as she notices something missing from their repast. She moves away to the pantry, from which he hears, "What kind of tea did you want with breakfast?"
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/04/2022
"Ooh. I hadn't actually considered. Surprise me." His voice drifts over to her. As she returns to start the water, he answers her thought;

"As you said, the judges showed us all things we didn't necessarily want to see. Maybe we saw them already, and chose not to acknowledge them. Either way, it wasn't a pleasant experience."

The last eggs finished in tandem with the tea, which Durro transfers into his teapot. Taking his plate, Hadaza's (which he had prepared), and their teacups and the teapot; he trays it all up and carries it to one of the tables in the mess.

Once there, he slides her plate in front of her. A cheerful breakfast greets her; a stack of pancakes atop which sits her two sunny-side up eggs. Beneath them are three sausage links; arranged around the edge of the pancake like a smile. A thick pat of butter makes a nice, semi-melted nose.

"Look, it's happy to see you." Durro says with a grin, taking his own plate and pouring them both steaming cups of tea.

(((Like this, but with sausage instead of bacon. ? )))
Image
@Haj
Haj — 04/04/2022
She dissolves into laughter at the presentation. "Ow," she says, clasping her ribs, but still chortling. "Don't make me laugh," she says with a playful swat at his robes. She catches them in her fingers and holds. Looking up at him, eyes soft, she says quietly, "They suit you, Kjære. Not that I did like the casual look. But these, most definitely, suit you."

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/04/2022
"I'm glad you think so." He says, as he starts to eat his breakfast.

"To answer the question you didn't ask; yes. I have finally figured out where I stand on the Jedi issue. For now, at least."

He pauses and closes his eyes, slowly savoring the bite he just took. Once he swallows he adds.

"It wasn't even the judges' doing; clarity came from an unexpected source."

"What about you? You asked if I dreamed while in the bacta tank. Did you?"
@Haj
Haj — 04/04/2022
Her stomach drops. Where she was once ravenous, she now picks listlessly at her breakfast. Setting her fork down, she picks up her teacup, sipping the brew slowly to buy herself some time.

"An unexpected source?," she says with a light chuckle. "I think it's safe to say that everything we've experienced thus far on this planet is unexpected." Her hand goes to her throat, where the pendant once hung ... and will again as soon as she can stand it against her body.

"I'm happy you found yourself here, Durro." she says faintly, looking into her cup.

She sets her tea down, picking up her utensil once more to pluck at her eggs."You commented earlier that the judges showed us all things we didn't necessarily want to see, though maybe we had seen them already and chosen not to acknowledge them. That's not the first time you have said those words, or something akin to them, to me. How many times do you figure we will have to be shown the same things before we finally open our eyes? The reason I ask is because, yes, I did dream while I was in the tank." She puts a small piece of sausage in her mouth, chewing the morsel dully.

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/04/2022
"As many times as it takes until the lesson sticks." He chuckles. "Even I, who consider myself open minded, have been shown the same thing multiple times in succession. Sophant beings are stubborn and bull-headed; humans especially so."

He takes another bite and then a sip of tea.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to; I want this breakfast to be a respite from our recent endeavors. There'll be time enough to discuss our journeys later, while we're traveling."

"I wouldn't go so far as to say I found myself; there is still a lot of questions and I find myself short on answers. However, I finally feel I'm on the path and pointed in the right direction."

"This sauce is really good. We make a good team." He smiles and takes another sip of tea.
@Haj
Haj — 04/04/2022
"Humans especially so, indeed," she reiterates with a sardonic smile and a tip of her cup. "You lot seem to be rubbing off on me, though I have very little on which to base comparisons of long term exposure." She stretchs out her arm, rolling her wrist over and over. "I partly think it's why Handyman did what he did, though I would likely have asked him to remove them in any case. History has shown that they attracted unwanted attention. Besides, I have to imagine they were ruined beyond repair regardless."

She rubs her fingertip along the rim of her cup. "I wonder who I would be were I to stay here, as the Professor seemed to indicate would be his preference," she muses. "I'm sure what the Judges showed me would both come to pass ... and not. Does that make them, then , fallible, do you think? Like divination with the Sabacc cards, or any other seer's prophesy ... only accurate in the moment they are laid bare, but made irrelevent if one but turns a different corner?"

She smiles at him as she swirls the dregs of her tea. "We do, don't we. I'm glad you like it. Its something I found at the market. Doesn't quite match the Acamel brandy for richness, but it makes a good pancake topping."

Sitting back in her chair, she says "I'm not going to pretend I'm not curious about what answers you are still seeking about yourself. This place ... " she looks around, clearly indicating what is outside the hull, "I think we will all leave here with some answers, but more questions. I know I will."

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/04/2022
"That seems to be the case with any journey of self-reflection. The journey never stops until we shuffle off this mortal coil and embark on the voyage to the beyond."

He eats a few bites and finishes his first cup of tea in silence.

"The questions I'm still asking, only time will answer. Some may never be."

He pours himself more tea.

"So what about you? Do you have any plans for after we leave here? The Professor seems to think we should live our lives as we wish before facing Malora. That we aren't likely to come back from it, so no rush to face it. What do you wish to accomplish in the meantime?"
@Haj
Haj — 04/04/2022
She leans forward as much as the pain will allow, wrapping her arms around her middle. She's getting tired, & it shows. But in that place, unguarded truth slips from her like water.

"Me? I've not thought much about it. Although ..." she trails off with a wistful smile. Her gaze shifts to a far away place.

"You asked me about my dreams. I dreamed of a girl child with auburn locks, violet eyes, & a single braid displaying her status as a Padawan. I asked her if she was a manifestation of faith or hope, or merely fantasy. She told me that faith & hope require a trust I don't yet possess; that for now, she was merely a fantasy."

A shadow of sadness passes briefly through eyes still focused on distant things. "Would it surprise you to know that it was not the first time I had dreamed of children, Master Thel-Tanis? It does me. As I lay dying on the sand, I saw them, felt them in my heart as it broke for never being able to know them. So, I suppose, some part of me wants a home and children before I go on to whatever lies beyond Malora's tender mercies."

She blinks slowly, returning to the present and to Durro. "Outside of that, I have no expectations or wishes. I don't know what the galaxy holds, so exploration & experience of a less dramatic & traumatic mien would be nice. Joy comes far too infrequently for my liking, though I own my very large part in its absence to my inabitlity to get out of my own way. I think that's why Rancor Pateesa is so important to me. He reminds me that softness, innocence, & vulnerabilty is to be cherished, that one is loved for those qualities more easily than if one is hard & cold as chaos metal. Though the latter is often coveted greater, it is valued less."

She looks at him solemnly. "I guess, after all that, the short answer is that, in my inner most heart of hearts, I wish only for simple things, Durro, not that I believe there will be time to achieve them."

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/05/2022
"Your desire sounds very much like mine." He takes another sip of tea before continuing.

"The girls have shown me that the ideas I have had and shared with Astra and Tesara have merit. Did I ever share them with you?"

"Regardless, as you know I've struggled with whether I can call myself "Jedi" or not. Truth is it doesn't matter; what does matter is that my own beliefs as I've come to recognize them are worth passing on. The Jedi started out as monks, operating out of self-sustaining monasteries and serving their local communities. It was only much later that they became guardians and servants of the galactic government, primarily the Republic. I think it's time the Jedi, or at my students, return to those roots. I want a school, more a monastery, where we simply live. We study the Force, we meditate, we train, and we help those who come to us asking for it. We will teach them meditation, emotional control, and the basics of Jedi philosophy. Most will take what they've learned, defeat their inner demons, and go home. A rare few will see value in the Jedi path and stay, learning everything they can and becoming Jedi themselves; continuing the tradition of selfless service and guardianship against the Dark Side. That's what I want; to return the Jedi to their roots."

He takes his last couple of bites, and with tea cup in hand his face becomes more solemn.

"There's only one problem. Dubrillion has already been destroyed. The Swarm... Malora... is already on the move. The next genocide is upon us. We don't have a lifetime to wait before facing her, and we've all felt that it's our place, the Will of the Force for us to face her. To end her threat once and for all. As much as I want a life for myself and this family it would be selfish of us, of me, to allow us to enjoy ourselves and possibly die while the universe suffers. In my heart, I know its the right thing to do for the greater good to continue our quest now, and face Malora as soon as we can. Some of us will die, all of us will be irreversibly changed, but we all pledged ourselves to this quest and we must see it through."

He holds her gaze, searching her face for her reaction.
@Haj
Haj — 04/05/2022
"You never told me, though I can see your love for the girls, for teaching them, in every moment you are with them. So I can't say I'm surprised. And given that you've chosen to wear your robes one more, I can't say that I'm surpised by your choice to return to monastic life either."

She leans her head back on her chair & closes her eyes. She sits like this for so long that Durro is afraid she may have fallen unconscious.

"You asked me about my dreams, what I wished to accomplish before we faced Malora," she says finally. "You didn't ask me what I believe or what I will do."

She doesn't move, save to pull her arms tighter around herself. "The Seer called me a bridge between this world & whatever one Malora occupies. She said that Malora is trying to gain control of the bridge so she can come into this world, our world. Something in me believes the Seer is right. And today I find out that I'm a genetic manipulation engineered by an organization who's sole purpose is to hunt down & kill people like you, Tesara, & Astra."

Tears slips from her closed eyes. "You said to me once that If I still feel that I'm strong enough, then you'd love to share this journey with me, wherever it leads. It leads to my death, Kjære. One way or another, I believe that it leads to my death. I will never see that home or those children. I will never see you create your new Order of Jedi. I will never see Astra's Roza grow up or meet Tesara family. I will die,  & though the how & why of it eludes me, I believe it will be in service to this crew. This is why I crave simple pleasures. Because I will never know these things, not fully. I was designed, whether by nature or nurture, or both, to be an instrument of death without a thought for my own."

She brushes her cheek. "The Crusade created me. Malora has claimed me. I believe I am Death. And because I am stong enough, I will see it through ... just not in a way either of them expects," she ends with a defiant twist to her lips.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/05/2022
Durro is silent for a long moment, the pain obvious on his face. Finally, he reaches over the table and gently but firmly takes her hand (or arm).

"Of course it ends in your death; we all die eventually. I know what you meant though, and I'm telling you no. The Seer was wrong, and The Judges were wrong. That may be why you were made, but that's not who you are now."

He squeezes her gently and takes a deep breath before continuing.

"I won't let this be the end. I love you; the storm forced me to face that and admit the truth to myself. I want you by my side on this journey, just as I want to be by your side on yours. So if this journey does end in your death, then it'll end with both our deaths. Because I'll not leave your side."
@Haj
Haj — 04/05/2022
Her head drops; tears now flowing down her face in rivulets. She takes his hand in her own. "It is who I am. I've heard it enough times and I accept it. Light and Shadow are both part of the Flame, are they not? Its how you tend the flame that determines whether it heats a home, or destroys it. The paradox is that it's capable of both at the same time ... so am I."

She takes calming breath, trying to stop herself from quivering. "You told me that someone said your spirit is that of the storm. 'Restless, wandering, bringer of life but also of terrible destruction'," she recites. "That knowledge informs how you walk in the world, the choices you make, however subtly. So, too, does what I know and accept about myself. It isn't the whole story, but it is a part of it. It shapes who I am, to a greater or lesser degree as I choose, and my journey ... our journey."

She looks up at him, naked adulation in her face, reflecting what has been burning in her for weeks.

"For I love you as well, Durro Thel-Tanis, "she whispers. "I don't know when it happened, and I most certainly wasn't expecting it," she says with a suprised smile, "but somewhere along this strange adventure, you stole my heart. We know where the journey ultimately leads. It's how we walk it from here on out that matters. And I want to walk it with you, Kjære. I want you by my side, as I want to be by yours. In joy. In tumult. In love."

The admission said aloud, not only to him but to herself,  has sapped the last of her reserves. Her spirit feels as though it could fly. Her body is not as accommodating,.Overwhelmed by the rush of emotion, her eyes close once more as she slumps lightly against the side of the chair. Her hand rests lightly on his, unwilling to let go. The smile on her face lets him know that she is still with him.

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/05/2022
Durro half slides himself, half pulls the hoverchair around the small table and very gently takes her face in his hands. Carefully, mindful of the tender new skin, he kisses her, a long passionate kiss.

"Here's hoping the journey will be long and fulfilling, Pariibo." He says softly. "Though no matter how long or short, I'll be glad to have walked it with you. If the destination is set, then let's make the journey there one hell of a ride."
@Haj
Haj — 04/05/2022
She smiles at him, thoroughly twitterpated. "So long as we find heaven along the way."

She shifts a little and gives a small, throaty chuckle of delight. "A few more of those, Kjære, and I'll be out of that bacta tank before you know it. Just don't tell Handyman that its a miracle cure. I shudder to think of what he might do with that information."

Laying her head back down on the side of the chair, she says. "Speaking of which, I think I need to rest. Breakfast was delicious. You can make pancakes for me anytime. I'll bring the syrup."

@Durro Thel-Tanis
((end?))
Durro Thel-Tanis — 04/05/2022
Durro chuckles and rises to help her with the chair.

"Get better soon, I expect an honest challenge when we next make planetfall."

He escorts her to the Medical Bay and to her next session in the bacta tank.
@Haj
/end