Mess Hall Mayhem 6/5/22

[Anatketani]

TheTraveler — 06/05/2022
Tesara and CA were still talking at the Central Table when Durro turned the corner and nearly tripped over an unconscious Haj laying at the entrance to the kitchen.

Astra leaped from her chair and rushed to his side giving him a hug. "Master, that is one of them," she said with dread in her voice as she pointed to Haj. "She attacked me for no reason then attacked Tesara!"

Without even taking a breath she continued, "I was hungry and Twilight and I were getting something to eat when  it walked in and started shooting! I had to save Tesara or else it could've hurt really hurt her!"

She pulled herself back from him with a bit of mental will as she tried to compose herself, "I'm sorry," she said using a conjunction in her statement. "I guess old habits can slip back," she said with a frown.

@Durro Thel-Tanis @Tesara Anerin

(OOC: can one of you please sync this thread with the category?)
Tesara Anerin — 06/05/2022
((OOC I do not know what you mean sync the thread with the category))


The moment their second Astra's back is turned, Tesara gives Durro a pained look, praying he understands that she is doing everything in her power to keep this new Astra as calm and...welll...not activated as possible.  "Yes that and none of us were aware you'd left Durro's quarters.  As I said, I had been on my way here to the kitchen to get you something to eat when this all happened."

@Durro Thel-Tanis @TheTraveler
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/05/2022
Immediately, Durro knelt at Haj's side and placed a hand gently on her forehead, feeling the Force flowing between them, 'reading' it to assess her medical needs. Astra's hug is around his kneeling form, and he does not look at her as he replies:

"I'm sorry, I didn't mention her in the tunnels; I didn't want to cause added stress. She was one of the Crusade's weapons, but she's free of them now and is a valued member of our crew and our family."

Content that Haj just needs to be awakened, he stands and fixes Astra with a hard look.

"For all your ability to see the threads of the Force and of time, you're certainly easy to surprise. We'll discuss this incident later. For now, catch up with Tesara. I'm going to get Haj settled and make sure she's OK."

As gently as he can, Durro lifts Haj and prepares to take her to her quarters.
@Tesara Anerin
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/05/2022
His words stung and she didn't make any attempt to hide. She rose from with him and took a few steps back.

"I...." she whispered softly then paused. She obviously changed up what she had intended to say, "i was defending myself...."

She turned and looked at Tesara. Her face was covered with confusion and pain. The two people she loved as much as her own daughter seemed so different towards her.

Her shoulders slumped as she, "i'll go back to the room," she said in defeat.

@Tesara Anerin @Durro Thel-Tanis
Tesara Anerin — 06/05/2022
Tesara reaches out and touches Astra’s shoulder gently.  “No, love.”  She says quietly. “Please…Sit back down.  A huge amount of things have happened to us while you were away.”  Her voice is gentle.  “I want to hear the rest of your story. Then I promise I’ll tell you everything that has happened to us. Including Haj.”  She adds.  She feels guilt and shame roaring inside her gut for more reasons than she cares to admit.  But now is the time to do what she does best.  Listen and be a good friend.  “Please.”  She says softly.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/05/2022
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/05/2022
Knowing that Astra is in good hands and that he will have to follow up on this later, Durro exits the mess and carries Haj to her room.
@TheTraveler
@Tesara Anerin
TheTraveler — 06/05/2022
(OOC: @Durro Thel-Tanis @Haj you two can open up a new IB at anytime you leave this scene. Haj can easily be woken up.)

CA frowned watching her Master, trusted friend walk away with that killing machine. The ship that was her heart continued to sink in to the depths of despair.

She turned to Tesara with a long sad face. She walked over on weaken legs. She slumped in to the chair as Twilight moved over to comfort her.

Trying to hide her tears CA whispered, "I saw Roza," she sobbed. "She is so much bigger, and," she whimpered. "She is starting to walk," CA cried.

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/05/2022
Tesara sits down next to who she knows to be a clone, but this person feels like Astra even though Tesara knows she isn't.  Not really...but...she still feels compassion.  She reaches out and hugs the person she doesn't really know.  Somewhere in her mind she wonders how she would react if she were to walk in and see Astra hugging a clone of herself and knows she would feel betrayed and hurt.  Still, Durro's warning was clear.  Don't say or do anything to activate the programming.  "I know."  She says.  "That must have been incredibly difficult.  We've been out here so long, I forget how much time has passed."  She says, her voice thick.  "I'm so sorry, Astra."
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/05/2022
She shifted slightly and brought her red eyes up so Tesara can see them, "she is so happy, Tesara. Her room looks like a fairy tale haven complete with holograms and dancing lights across the ceiling."

She looked down, "i had to walk away from her Tesara. I touched her little hand, she giggled at me and," her voice breaks with pain, "i had to walk away from her."

"All I wanted to do was come home, home to my family," she dropped her face in to her hands. "And everyone is so different towards me."

She looked back up towards Tesara, "its me Tesara. The girl you found with the baby! I," she shuttered as she spoke, "just wanted to come home and save Master."

@Tesara Anerin
TheTraveler — 06/05/2022
(OOC: @Tesara Anerin please give me a spot check)
Tesara Anerin — 06/05/2022
Image
TheTraveler — 06/05/2022
(OOC: CA has a blaster burn on the left side of her torso)
Tesara Anerin — 06/05/2022
Tesara frowns and leans in to get a better look.  "Astra, how old is this?"  She points to the burn.  "Would you like me to try to heal it?"
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/05/2022
CA moved slightly and looked at the wound, "ouch," she said softly as she touched the wound. "um, I think when that monster hit the frig door, I guess the door wasn't thick enough."

"Could you please," she said softly.
The wound is still warm from where the blaster energy burned through the frig door and its remaining heat burned the flight suite and flesh under it.
Tesara Anerin — 06/05/2022
Tesara was frowning.  How on earth could she not have felt this and been wincing?  She realized it was likely because Astra had become accustomed to ignoring her own pain in favor of just...surviving.  She closes her mind and centers herself with the Force., then reaches out her hand over the burn.

((OOC Taking 10, I have three ranks in heal another so that is a total of 13))

As soon as the burn looks less angry and painful, she sits back.  "I'm sorry if we all seem so strange and unlike the...."  She frowns, trying to think of a way to word it without it sounding bizarre.  "The us that you knew before Raxus Prime.  I'm sorry you had to struggle to survive and leave Roza behind.  I didn't know Nova was dead.  That makes...no sense."  She sighs.  "We've been to distant planets searching for a way to stop the swarm.  It's been difficult for all of us, but we were together where you were alone.  So I am truly sorry for being different than the Tesara you remember.  I'm still her, just...tired."  She smiles but it is pained.  "Did you finish eating?  If so I can take you to my room and give you some clothing so you can take a shower."

@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/05/2022
CA looked at the wound, "you know, back on Lanus i never thanked you for saving my live." She laughed slightly, "well for all the times you put yourself out there to save me."

Looking around she sighed, "all of this is so new and strange for me. I expect to find you guys traveling with Ryan on the Jupiter One."

"The Hardest was leaving Roza. I never reallt wondered where Kiki got her voice from," CA explained. "I later learned that it was because i never really truly forgave my mother for leaving me."

She sighed deeply, "when i left Roza behind, i realized why my mother did it and how much it killed her inside to do it."

Wiping the tears from her eyes, "i knew if i took Roza, i would be placing her in so much danger. Everyone is hunting me." She teared up to cry again, "what kind of world is that for Roza. I mean she has her own room snd nany driods and servants who care for her every need."

The look on her face showed the depth of her pains, "i missed you the most."

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/05/2022
Tesara swallows hard.  “I swore an oath to protect you.  I didn’t know what had happened.”  She says quietly.  “The Astra I know has also been through unimaginable pain and trauma.  I cannot split myself in two to protect you both. If I had known there were two of you I would likely have tried, though.”  She smiles sadly. “I know it was painful and difficult leaving Roza behind, but the choice you made was the right one. Where she is, she is safe.”
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/06/2022
CA paused a moment as she thought. There was a time when Tesara’s oath to protect her meant so much. But today, that oath was tested and she watched first Tesara fail.

There was some anger and lile always she heard Ashanti demanding an over the top kind of reaction. She was hurt by Durro’s words. Betrayed by Tesara’s actions.

She wiped her tears and drew in a deep breath. Slowly letting it out, she knew what she had to do.

"Tesara," she said calmly. "I love you like a sister. But your oath to me is wrong. You can’t split yourself in two, three or more ways. And," she reached out with her hand and rested it on Tesara’s, "it would be incredibly selfish of me to demand so much of you."

She tried to smile through the sadness, "all I ask, is to protect those who are innocent and helpless."

She paused for a long moment before adding, "just be that beautiful selfless woman you have always been."

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/06/2022
Astra does not miss the tiniest of flinch at her words.  "You really have been away for a while."  She says, and it is the first time Astra has heard any bitterness in Tesara's voice.  "Thank you for your words about my vow.  I know it was naive of me to even make it, but I really did want to uphold it.  But as I've done with other things, I failed.  I've learned that the universe I desperately wanted to leave Lanus to see and experience was far harder than I was ready for.  I'm still making mistakes and learning from them."  She suddenly looks tired and weighed down, and it is obvious she is going through some stuff.  "But enough about me.  What can I do to help you, Astra?"  She asks, and she is being completely honest.

@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/06/2022
CA smiled softly as she gently squeezed Tesara’s hand lovingly. "Oh, you have never failed me," she said with gratitude in her voice. "Tesara, you have been and will always be the best Sister anyone could possibly have."

Her face saddened a bit, "and yes. The Galaxy is a far harder place than we both imagined."

She laughed a bit, "I appreciate the healing, but i really want to make sure to get this," she said motioning to the blaster wound, "looked at. Please tell me you guys have a doctor on this large ship."

She thought for a moment, "and then," there was excitement in her voice, "that hot shower."

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/06/2022
Tesara nodded.  "Yes, we have a med bay but believe me you are going to want to shower and get dressed in something clean and comfortable before going there as our medical droid is...a force to be reckoned with."  She chuckles a little, but it is obvious that even that is forced.  "Come on, I'll get you some clothes from my room and clean towels so you can take a shower.  Everyone else is occupied so you should have privacy."  She pauses in rising from the chair.  "One more thing, we do have a gaggle of blue skinned, red eyed little girls aboard.  They're ALSO a force to be reckoned with but generally adorable and hilarious.  Just a warning if you see them you have some warning - they can be a bit rambunctious."  She stands and motions to the door.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/06/2022
CA smiled and accepted the advice of her sister, "you know, I really would love a hot shower."

She leaned forward, "Tesara, can you please do me a favor. Can i please borrow some Jedi Robes."

She sighed softly, "it has been so long since i have worn them. It would mean so much to me."

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/06/2022
Tesara blinks, caught completely off guard.  "Umm...I can see if I can find some that will fit you."  She says.  "If not, will you be all right just wearing clothing I can give you?"  She is trying to remember if she had already removed herself from the Jedi path when this Astra was split from the other.  From the question, it seems like she doesn't know.  Now is not the time to tell her.  She leads CA to the showers and gives her a clean towel, then proceeds to go digging in her things to find if she still has a robe to give CA.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/06/2022
So much unlike Astra, shs stood in one of Tesara’s dull green dresses. It was a sharp contrast to her bright eyes and hair.

She moved her hands up and down the simple dress as she remembered her time back on Baklid. Her eyes welled up with tears.

"There were days where i never thought i would see you guys again," she said softly.

She laughed as her memories continued to unfold, "and i still think you have horrible taste in dresses." She said with tears of love and happiness in streaming down her face.

She turned to Tesara, "i was so immature back then." She shook her head, "i am sure you wanted to strangle me on more than one occasion." She said laughing as she wipped the tears.

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/06/2022
Tesara hugs Astra.  "No, I never wanted to strangle you, Astra.  And I am sorry it is quite drab, but it's better than the flight suit you've been forced to wear.  I think I'll just burn that, shall I?"  She smiles.  "And my taste in dresses has changed.  Come take a look."  She pulls open the tiny closet in her room and pulls out the green dress she had been given by the Professor to wear at a dinner party.  "This one is my favorite."  She smiles again, but once more there is a sadness to it.  Something has definitely changed between the cheerful, bright woman that this Astra once knew and the one standing before her.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/06/2022
CA looked at the dress, "oh my.....Tesara its so beautiful!"

Taking a step, "you know, it reminds me of the dresses we saw across Candyland."

She looked at Tesara, "what's wrong." She suddenly felt worried that Master had told Tesara about what she had seen in the Force.

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/06/2022
Tesara cringed.  "Ugh I had forgotten I had boldly taken you with me to Candyland."  She grimaces.  "Apparently I wasn't thinking clearly THEN either."  She runs her fingers along the fabric.  "Would you like to try it on?  I'm a little taller than you but you can if you wish."  She says softly.  "It just hangs in this closet day in and day out.  I'm not sure I'll ever have cause to wear it again."  She admits.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/06/2022
CA brightened up with a smile, "i would be honored to wear this." CA started to get undressed as she prepared to get dressed.

She laughed, "i wouldn't beat yourself up too much. There were long nights I used to dream of those adventures and their memories would warm my heart."

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/06/2022
Tesara smiles, but her heart hurts.  She both knows this Astra and doesn’t all at the same time.  “Do you remember the gardens at the summer palace?  They were so beautiful.  Everything seemed easier then.”  She steps back.  “You look lovely.  You’ll have to pick up the front when you walk but you look lovely.”  She turns and offers a hair clip.  “Here.”  She smiles.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
CA smiled but there was a hint of sadness in her smile and eyes. "Ava has turned the gardens into a tourist attraction. The place of my birth," she trailed off.

She drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out, and with it any emotions attached to the memories. "I didn't realize how much old habits would try to push themselves back in to my life when I returned to you guys."

She smiled looking at herself in the mirror, "it is lovely, but its not really who i am anymore."

She turned back to Tesara, "i guess we both have changed during my absence."
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
Tesara nods.  "It's so strange."  She murmurs.  "I'm looking at you and I know it's you but at the same time, it's not you.  You've changed so much.  What you had to do to survive made you stronger.  Your parents would be so proud, Astra.  And so would Sol.  When we get back to the outer rim, we'll set everything right again.  We'll see Roza and we can go back to finding a future for ourselves."    She says the words and feels a bitterness at the back of her tongue at saying this to someone she has been told isn't the real Astra.  She honestly doesn't know what the future holds. "Sometimes I think there was a spark in all of us that somehow got extinguished with so much uncertainty, fear and never-ending fights...sometimes against the same enemy and sometimes new ones.  Say nothing about the battles we fight against each other.  It's so very exhausting to never seem to win or really succeed at things we try.  At least, it feels that way.  I know we've had successes, but they are never absolute.  There's always some kind of consequence that comes around and bites us even when we do have a success."  She looks at the tiny closet full of uniforms and runs a hand over the sturdy fabric.  "The professor bought us these.  It's what we wear now.  I never thought I would become a soldier. I didn't want to be a soldier.  I wanted to be a healer and have adventures.  I wanted to be a Jedi and help people."  Her voice is starting to shake.  "Why am I finding it so hard to just simply do that?  Help people?  I just want to do the right thing and I can't seem to ever get it right.  I keep failing.  I keep letting fear and doubt cloud me.  I'm supposed to be teaching Haj the ways of the Force. How can I do that when I can't even get out of my own way?"  Tears are slipping down her face now and she cannot seem to stop.  She brushes her hand roughly over her face.  "I'm sorry."  She swallows, but the tears keep coming.  "That came out of nowhere."

@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
CA reached out with both hands and tenderness pulled Tesara in to a hug. As she held her, CA whispered, "i have watched you from a far Tesara. I saw you standing before men who doubt you. I watched you stand strong and proud."

She pulled back, "let me show you something."

And before Tesara could speak CA's eyes glowed blue and the room came alive with the movement of the Force. It was so powerful that most would be hard pressed or distracted to miss it.

The illusion formed before Tesara’s eyes as she saw Origin. But not the village in the desert she just left.

Instead that village had become green and filled with life. The people were happy and prosperous.

"Tesara, death and struggle are all natural parts of the force," CA said softly.

"We celebrate those who have passed on. But we don't celebrate their deaths, but their life and how they have touched others."

"Tesara," she said softly as she brought the vision to a moment. A moment of a woman standing proud and sure. Tesara could see her likeness in the moment and the words rang clear. 'To the woman who helped free us'

CA allowed the vision to fade, "you are a strong woman who has helped and has had lasting effects on the world around you."

"You seek outside vindication for what you already know in your heart Tesara," CA said as she guided both of them to sit on the bed.

"I have found that i was wrong in seeking guidance from the Force," she explained.

"It has been my personal experience that you will not find guidance from the Force like that," she said softly

"Instead," she smiled. "When we are calm in both mind and heart. A path will appear. Right or wrong isn't what life is about. Its having clarity in that moment to see that path."

She motioned around the room, "you can't see the road around the bend. But I can. And i have seen your successes and failures. And they are not as bad as you think. And some of them set up other paths where success flourishes like the village in the desert."

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
Tesara stares in stunned silence at Astra as what she has just seen bounces around inside her brain.  She is shaking without realizing it.  She is not afraid, she is simply stunned.  The Astra she knows has not yet been able to tap into her Seer capabilities and it's obvious the one in front of her has done that very thing.  But there is one thing that is clanging inside her like a klaxon alarm.  "Not seek guidance from the Force?"  She says, her voice just a tiny whisper.  "But that is what Durro taught me.  To not seek the will or guidance of the Force goes against all of my teachings."  She is confused.  "To remain calm in mind and heart, yes...that is crucial.  But..."  She frowns.  "I don't understand...wouldn't the path appearing BE the Will of the Force?"  She sinks down onto her cot and feels the room spinning.  Her stomach is doing something similar.  When had she eaten last?  She grips the side of the cot and breathes, allowing the shock of what she had seen and Astra's words to settle within her.  She looks up at Astra.  "Durro plans on going to meet the Sith Queen.  I should have left earlier when we had even the ghost of a chance but I didn't.  I let my attachments get in the way of my judgment.  I know the moment Durro leaves, I am in charge again.  I don't want to make another mistake.  Please...will you give me some insights on what my options are?  I know you likely won't tell me what to do directly, but....I need help."  She hears her own voice, and it sounds small and scared.  She swallows again and stands.  "Astra, I put everyone's lives in danger if I make another mistake that gets us caught.  I can't let the girls and the others be enslaved by Quinn and the Sith Queen.  Will you help me?"  Tesara has never before asked Astra for help or advice.  The irony is not lost on her.

@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
CA felt her guilt slowly grow. She couldn't tell Tesara what she told Durro. She knew she couldn't let Durro die here on this world. Even if it meant her own life. She knew that Durro would speak to the Sith Queen and a pack would be formed. It was up to her, to protect Durro from the Sith Queen betraying that pack. And even Durro had sensed it when he told her that this was going to be her final, and ultimate test. Could shenlet go of everyone she cared about to save the one being who could save them all. The knife was already deep in her heart, but she knew the answer.

"Tesara, what happened on Lanus wasn't a mistake. Even though it cauaed me a lot of suffering, it was the will of the Force. The same with Raxus."

She smiled but she wasn't sure the fake smile was convincing enough (OOC: sense motive check). "The Will of the Force is all around us. We need not seek it. Juat be calm and do what our hearts are telling us to do. Rarely does a kind and caring heart wonder from the Will of the Force."

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
Image
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
(OOC: she can sense that there is more to that smile than CA is letting on)
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
Tesara's shoulders slump a little.  "I am pretty sure that means 'I can't tell you what you're asking me.'  She says quietly.  "I understand.  I am accustomed to riddles and vagueness when it comes to the Jedi."  She sighs.  "I've managed to stay alive this long without knowing the future.  But those little girls...they rely on us for their safety.  I can't let any of us get caught...we'd become slaves to the Sith Queen and Quinn.  I already made that mistake once when I chose to stay here instead of leave."  She wipes her face, a little surprised to find it is still wet from her tears.  She inhales deeply, feeling a hardness settle around her like a cloak.  The time for being emotional is over.  The time for letting her feelings get in the way of hard choices and painful outcomes is over.  Time to be the soldier again.  She swallows, closes her eyes and breathes deeply.  "Be calm."  She says.  There is the slightest hint of bitterness there.  "It sounds so very easy to be calm in the face of all of this."  She gathers her braids and puts them atop her head with a clip.  "I wish I was as strong as you."  She looks at Astra once more, realizing she is still wearing the green gown.  "You can wear the dress out if you want but you don't have to.  I found some Jedi robes from when I used to be Durro's padawan.  They're old but they are clean and will fit you."  She says.  There is a hollowness in her voice.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
She reached over and took Tesara’s hand once more, "when we are facing the worst and the chaos around us is so unbearable, that is where we can find strength in the Force."

She tilted her head and smiled, "don't expect some ancient Jedi Master to touch your forehead and suddenly your calm. It comes from here Tesara," she said touching the center of Tesara's chest.

She stodd up, "its a lovely dress and it fits who you are. Bright, full of love and life." She shook her head, "its just not who i am." She started to remove it, "if you don't mind, i will take those old robes."

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
"Yes but when your heart has revealed it's weaknesses, you also have to be aware of them.  You understand that to be in charge while Durro is away means I have to listen to my heart and my mind and not be overwhelmed by both.  Right now I am feeling anything but bright and full of love and life.  I feel that the future you showed me is a dream I can reach for but it also feels thousands of years away."  She sighs, handing the robes to Astra and taking the dress from her.  She hangs it in the closet once more.  "Now all we need to do is wait for Durro to come fetch us.  Shall we sit and meditate?"  She asks.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
Standing there holding Tesara’s dress folded over her arm, CA watched and listened to Tesara speak. Her heart cried and ached. CA stood there feeling the cold air against her exposed belly and legs, goosebumps formed along her pale skin.

The words, 'right now i am feeling anything but bright and full of love and life.' Echoed in her mind.

Without thinking, CA reached out as Tesara was just about to offer up the Jedi Robes to her.

CA pulled Tesara lovingly in to an embrace and pressed her lips against Tesara’s. It wasn’t the kind of kiss friends share. It was a kiss that only loves shared.

CA didn't care of the consequences of her actions, she wanted this moment and prayed against all hope that so would Tesara.

She wouldn't hold her friend there. Instead she hoped Tesara would want to remain in their rare moment of intimacy.

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
Stunned once again, Tesara stood there like she'd been frozen.  If Astra had told her that the Sith Queen was a droid she would have been equally astounded.  She was no Seer but she had NOT seen that coming!  There was panic followed by a wave of sorrow.  She broke the kiss as gently as possible and put her arms around Astra, hugging her.  She didn't say anything for a moment, trying desperately to come up with something to say that wouldn't hurt her.  Yet everything that came to mind would lead to inevitable hurt.  So she said the only thing she could think of.
"I'm sorry."  She whispers.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
CA smiled softly and placed her hand, tenderly on Tesara’s cheek, "don't be," she said softly. Then added, "I'm not."

"I loved Sol and lost him. I loved Quinn and lost him. I love Roza and had to walk away from her."

She tilted her head slightly as she continued, "you are one of two of the last things in this Galaxy I truly love. And it breaks my heart to see you filled with self doubt."

She paused and moved in such a way to not make her friend feel crowded, "Tesara you are stronger than you realize. Braver than you want to accept. You don't need anyone's validation."

"Trust in your heart and silence all the rest. You will make the right choices. And when, because we all make mistakes, you make a mistake, learn from it and move on. Don't let it become an anchor and drown you."

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
"Thank you."  She says, swamped with relief that her actions (or inaction) didn't seem to have hurt Astra so badly that it was obvious.  Tesara liked to think she was astute in that way.  Astra didn't look hurt, she just looked like herself.  Whether she WAS hurt or not, Tesara would never know.  But there was no outward sign of pain of rejection.  It was enough.  "The decisions I make can have such huge consequences.  I would never forgive myself if anyone under my protection were to die or be enslaved.  I think I need to meditate on my greatest fear and find a way through it to the other side."  She says quietly.  "But what you showed me does help.  It tells me that I at least survive this.  Whether or not the others do is to be seen.  I hope so."  She sighs and sits back down, but this time on the floor.  "You're so different from the Astra we've been traveling with, sometimes it is a little shocking."  She admits.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
CA listen carefully and finally nodded, "I have seen some pretty horrible things linked with the clone of me. But i am starting to think my own baggage might be clouding my own vision with her."

"Different yes," CA said softly, "but as Master has recently taught me," she blushed a bit, "to my own embarrassment. She is a lifeform who deserves to live."

She carefully took the robes that a stunned Tesara had dropped and picked them up. She slowly started to get dressed, "I think we all have our own baggage that we have to deal with."

Shaking her head as she looked up to the ceiling she continued, "I was so jealous of her."

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
Tesara's forehead creases as she thinks.  "Of course she deserves to live.  It doesn't matter if someone is a clone or not, they deserve to be able to live their lives as they see fit.  Even droids who have developed programming that allows them to be free thinkers deserve that.  You'll meet Handyman soon and understand what I mean."  She laughs a little, feeling a little less like the underside of someone's shoe.  "And as for being jealous...I get it.  She came with us when you did not.  You realize, I see you both as valid.  The only issue is, there are now two of you and I have no idea how to rectify that."  She admits.  "Again, you are both entirely different and yet you look so similar.  I cannot even imagine how I would feel if there was a clone out there of me living their own lives with my face and body.  I have no idea how I would act and yet I like to think I would find a way to be at peace with it.  After the initial shock, that is."  She says quietly.  "Whenever it is that you meet her, please give her a chance."
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
CA nodded, "I know she does. Its just bitter that the life she is living is mine."

Her lips frowned, "I promise you, you will not have to deal two of us for long." There was a sense of sadness in her voice as she spoke.

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
At that, Tesara's eyes widened.  "What?  What are you talking about?"
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
Pulling the last of the robe on, CA spoke in a very low tone, "i came here because i believed Master needed to be protected. And i still believed that. I was wrong in thinking he needed protecting from my clone."

CA moved over to the bed and set down once more, "this world, this life isn't mine anymore." Her eyes welled up with tears, "the Crusade took that from me too."

"This world, this life is her's. And i can see that now. I am an outsider among my own family," she said holding her voice and struggling not to cry.

"I don't have a right to take her from those who love her," CA confessed. "I would be as horrible as the Crusade was to me."

"I know this isn't my world anymore. I saw it when i watched Master pick up...." she thought hard but couldn't remember if anyone even game a name to the monster who had attacked her. "Her," she finally settled on.

"Even you pushed my hand aside to rush to her side," CA added. "No one even cared about me," she explained. "I am the intruder, the outsider."

"As i said, i came here believing that Master needs protecting. And Master told me what i must do. I must face the Sith Queen so he doesn't need to. Tesara, Durro must survive. I am unimportant."

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
Tesara is once again speechless.  “Astra, you are not unimportant!”  She stood up quickly.  “If you were unimportant then the Force would not have brought you here, but it did.  I have no idea what is going to happen and although you can see the future, Durro taught us that the future is always changing.  You’ve just admitted yourself that you thought one thing in coming here and now think something else.  No one knew about you until today. Please give us a little grace and patience.”  She says.  “I just remembered that Durro instructed us to make sure you went to the med bay.  Let’s go now as I feel like fairly soon we’ll be contacted to meet on the bridge and I don’t want to appear as if we didn’t follow orders.”  She says, opening the door to her room.  “Are you okay to meet everyone?”  She asks, a little worried.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
"I know why the Force brought me here," she said sure of herself. "Master explained it to me. I have to face the Queen." She smiled, "its my final test."

CA shrugged, "Ryan and Ava are not here. Nova is dead." She looked profoundly sad, "you and Master were the only to I really cared about out  here."

She rose to follow Tesara, "but as long as i don't get shot at again, i guess its okay."

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
/end & move to mess hall revisited
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
/end