|
After the life and death experience 11/25/2021
TheTraveler — 11/25/2021
It has been only moments after Tesara had left Ava's room and Ryan playfully leaped on Mishka, tickling her. Ryan was filled with both excitement and pure terror from his near fatal stand off with Durro Thel-Tanis.
He had never been more scared in his lift! Durro wasn’t just anyone, he was an extremely deadly and violent Jedi Master! It had taken all of Ryan’s will not to wet himself in front of every one! And when Durro switched from his lightsaber to his ‘Force Powers' Ryan almost fainted!
He couldn’t have been more proud of himself for the way he stood up for himself and Mishka. Ryan felt invincible after the near death stand off. He never felt more alive!
And now, he looked down in to her eyes and knew it was all worth it. “Thanks for all you have done for me,” he said looking down in to her eyes.
@Mishka Winlat @Durro Thel-Tanis
Mishka Winlat — 11/25/2021
Mishka met Ryan’s gaze, her face flushed from laughing so much. She smiled up at him as her ears perked up. “You don’t need to thank me.” Raising one of her hands, she gently touched his face, thumb stroking his cheek as she thought of what all would happen next. “I’m just happy to be here to help. I want to get to know you more…let you know who I am.”
Using her other hand, she touched her necklace. “Besides, I should be thanking you, Ryan. You helped me get through Aneta’s death and have been so kind to me…” She explained.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 11/25/2021
Ryan smiled sheepishly at her words, "its what anyone would have done for you."
He leaned back, at the same time helping her to sit up. He shrugged, "so what do you want to know."
He laughed looking around, "I would say I am an open book, but I am not that interesting." He smiled slightly as he watched her.
Mishka Winlat — 11/25/2021
Mishka sat up with him, adjusting the collar of her kimono since it started to part during the tickling. “Well, what exactly got you into smuggling?” She asked.
TheTraveler — 11/25/2021
Ryan moved his legs together and bent them to the side of himself, "well, when I ran away from home to become a merchant, I can say I didn't really plan everything out well." He paused a moment to think, then added, "well anything for that matter."
He laughed a bit, "well I got hooked up with a gang who worked the Inner Rim running Spice up and down the local space lanes. The Imperials never really bothered us, as we were just too small to waste the effort on. So we could operate with pretty much free abandonment."
@Mishka Winlat @Durro Thel-Tanis
Mishka Winlat — 11/25/2021
Brushing a lot of her hair back, Mishka tilted her head to the side. “That all? You’re very good at this, though, aren’t you? Just like you’re considered the best pilot by everyone here…how did you learn that, by the way?” Her mind went off to other things, her concerns about the future that is to come.
TheTraveler — 11/25/2021
He moved slightly and smiled with pride, "well I did have a great bunch of great teachers."
He laughed again, "you have to remember back then I was just some snot nosed punk who was more confident than actually skilled."
"They were a family, my adaptive family. They took me in when I had no where to turn and they taught me everything I know."
@Mishka Winlat @Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 11/25/2021
The door chimes, indicating someone is outside wanting in.
@TheTraveler
@Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/25/2021
Before Mishka can say anything she hears the door and blinks before slipping off the bed and heading toward it. Letting the door open, she see Durro and smiles slightly. “Oh, hello, sir…” She said in her shy way. “Is there something you need?”
Durro Thel-Tanis — 11/25/2021
(((I will wait for Traveler to respond.)))
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 11/25/2021
((OOC: sorry for the delay, there is one less pig in the world today....and I am a few pounds heavier lol))
Ryan's eyes go wide with horror and fear as he sees Durros form in the doorway. Without thinking, he reached for his pistol, half mentally kicking himself for not loading it. He should have expected a second round of hostilities from the Jedi Master. His heart was racing then everything changed.
He saw Mishka's kind blue eyes. The kind of blue that colored he seas that he used to dream of as a child. She gave him a slight hand motion, that told him to ease. Her smile reached out and lifted his heart the same why Amy's had.
His hand slipped from the unloaded weapon and fell down to his side. His racing heart calmed as his breathing slowed just a hair. He didn't realize it right away but he matched her soft smile before turning back to Durro.
"Master Jedi," Ryan said. While much more at ease, it didn't change the distain in his voice. And it dripped from every word as he continued, "can I help you?"
((OOC: @Durro Thel-Tanis @Mishka Winlat Remember that this takes place prior to the events of last night's game.))
Durro Thel-Tanis — 11/25/2021
(((Fortunately, I have not had a chance to listen to it yet. lol)))
Durro takes in the room; feels the current of the Force flowing through it, through Ryan and Mishka, and through him. He feels Ryan's fear, then feels it ebb when Mishka smiles at him.
"Master Jedi. Can I help you?" Ryan asks.
"I'd like to speak with you, if I may." Durro says calmly. "May I come in?"
@TheTraveler
@Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/25/2021
Mishka nodded and stepped aside so Durro could walk in before she returned to the bed, sitting back down next to Ryan. “It’s nice to see you’ve calmed down as well since all the chaos happened.” She said with a kind smile to Durro. Settling her hand on Ryan's, she gently pulled it further away from where his pistol was. "What did you wish to speak about, sir?"
@TheTraveler @Durro Thel-Tanis
TheTraveler — 11/25/2021
Ryan let out a sigh of relief at her touch. "Please Durro," he said trying his hardest to conceal his anger and outrage over the actions of Astra and Durro. He failed at this monumental task.
He opened his mouth to add something else but realized that he would only worsen the situation. Instead he just gave a nod and motioned Durro to a nearby area close to the door.
@Durro Thel-Tanis @Mishka Winlat
Durro Thel-Tanis — 11/25/2021
Durro nods and takes a seat. He has changed out of his ORA uniform, wearing instead his simple non-Jedi outfit; comfortable, loose-fitting pants and a shirt, with a multi-pocket vest.
"First and foremost I want to apologize. What transpired on the bridge never should've happened. Astra and I should have respected your privacy. She thought the case contained Kyber crystals; Quinn's Kyber crystal to be exact, but we should have asked you about the case instead of sneaking around. I'm sorry, and I won't let it happen again."
@TheTraveler
@Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/25/2021
Gently nudging Ryan, Mishka nods toward Durro. "It's very kind of you to apologize for that." She replied softly. "I hope Astra is doing better, though. She seemed rather distressed when we stepped into the room at the time."
@TheTraveler @Durro Thel-Tanis
TheTraveler — 11/25/2021
Feeling her gentle nudge, "I" he said softly, "I guess I should have poke you two so much about it."
He felt uncomfortable with Durro, but he anger was fading fast. "I thought it would be funny to watch you two poke around and get frustrated. I just never thought you two would hack up Ava's ship like that."
@Mishka Winlat @Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 11/25/2021
"I shouldn't have finished Astra's hack job." Durro says with a slight smile. "I am willing to repair the damage; I can replace the wall panel if another can be acquired."
He takes a deep breath and continues.
"I know you don't trust the Jedi; believe them to be dangerous. When I left Lanus and was catching up on 19 years of news, I did see two holodramas, one of which was The Wizard of Menzaline. I understand what the Empire says about Jedi, and you've grown up with these ghost stories. I knew this even when we met, and I hoped that by being ourselves, Tesara and I would show you that the Empire was wrong about the Jedi. I'm sorry that hasn't been the case."
"That said, Astra has... a lot of problems. She's been through a lot, and it's had an effect on her. It's a lot like you and your spice; sometimes she does things that everyone regrets. I'm doing my best to help her, just like Mishka seems to be helping you. I can't promise she'll never be a problem, but I can promise I'll do my best to keep her 'in check', so to speak."
@TheTraveler
@Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/25/2021
Mishka could not help the smile that crossed her face as she gently squeezed Ryan's hand. "Does this help you better understand things, Ryan?" She asked softly. "We can all get this to work if we just...communicate with each other. That's something my father used to say a lot. Communication is key to any relationship, whether they be friend or lover, or even someone you don't really get along with..."
@TheTraveler @Durro Thel-Tanis
TheTraveler — 11/25/2021
Ryan looked down the think for a long moment. She felt her touch on his hand and knew what it meant. He wanted to be angry with them.
"You are wrong Durro....their not ghost stories," he said softly still looking down. The Imperials never really bothered us before. In fact, we knew a lot of them at the docks. Some of them were pretty funny at times. Sure they had a job to do. But they also had families and friends."
He drew in a deep breath as he turned to Mishka with a tear in his eye. "When I meet Ava and her family it was a short while after being on my own."
He turned to Durro, we worked out of the Corellian Sector. We were just finishing up a run on Jumus. I remember the spaceport that day was so busy. So many people coming and going. Then it happened. An explosion that ripped open an Imperial Fleet Support ship. But not one of those little one, one of those large refuelers."
Ryan drew in a deep breath, "so many people died that day. A man, claiming to be a Jedi survivor took credit for the bombing. I didn't know much of the rebels back then. But they were front page news for that day forward."
"The Imperials caught up with him and his rebels. Turns out he wasn't even sensitive to the Force. I remember at his trail he claimed that the bomb was never meant to go off when it did. That there was an accident and he lost three of his friend."
Ryan scoffed, "I lost my whole family, those who took me in when I was lost, because of them." He looked and searched for Durro's eyes, "The Empire wasn't prefect, I know this. And Ava's family was up there with the worst of them. But, they didn't go around blowing up entire spaceports filled with innocent people."
"So no, they're not ghost stories," Ryan tried to correct.
@Durro Thel-Tanis @Mishka Winlat
Durro Thel-Tanis — 11/25/2021
(((OOC: I am confused, this seems contradictory. I suspect a typo or two.)))
"No." Durro says softly. "They just blew up planets." He shakes his head and says; "Regardless of the reason; I don't want to argue semantics, The Empire hunted down and destroyed the Jedi Knights. Might I remind you, the Jedi train from infancy; the Empire slaughtered thousands of children in the purge; their only crime was belonging to the wrong social order. I lost everyone and everything I knew and cared about. The rebel you spoke of wasn't one of us, you admitted that; the Jedi weren't perfect but we did our best to maintain peace in the galaxy, even if we utterly failed at the end. In fairness, we succeeded for a thousand years before that."
He smiles slightly and says,
"It seems we have a lot in common. We've both lost everything and are trying to find our place in the aftermath. I'm not claiming we'll ever be friends, or even like each other but I want us to not hate each other. To not fear each other. To be able to function as a team, as a crew; with mutual respect if nothing else. We'll never see eye to eye, but we can at least respect each other as people."
"I like you Ryan, even if you drive me crazy sometimes. I don't want you to fear me; which reminds me, I did also want to apologize for my handling of the incident with the medical station. I never should've used the Force to intimidate you like that; I know it didn't make the Jedi look any better in your eyes. Going forward I hope we can respect each other as sentient beings who are on the same team."
@TheTraveler
@Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/25/2021
Mishka moved a little closer to Ryan and gently put one of her arms around him, her mind slowly taking in and contemplating everything he said. She was so happy that they were working past this, getting through everything. Durro's apology only made her feel they could get along even more. "Maybe now you two can work things out without risking violence?" She asked.
@TheTraveler @Durro Thel-Tanis
TheTraveler — 11/25/2021
Ryan seemed to melt in to her arms as she held him. 'What was I thinking,' he questioned himself then got back on track.
"You now you were cool when you first came aboard. I thought we could be bros. You seemed to have everything under control. Then I don't know what happened with you. Its like you got distracted with that or this," he said waving his hands. "Then the whole mess with Lysire happened and things just fell apart. I don't think Sinya ever forgave you guys for that."
He frowned, "then again she was always walking a dangerous line." He looked back to Durro, "we needed you bro and you just along for the ride. You spent so long meditating and when you were here, it was like you weren't.
There were tears in his eyes, "and you really fucking scared me bro....really fucking did. Over something that was gone months ago. Who does that..."
He looked down once more, "We needed you to bring us together. Tesara needed you. She did her best, but she wasn't you. And then the whole Kaleb and Reine thing and now crazy girl." He looked up once more, "we are going in to the fires of hell and..." he trailed off as he glanced to Mishka. He couldn't bring himself to saying out loud. If something happened to her, how could he want to live.
He turned back to Durro, "I know, I have always known you were like those bad Jedi....but you really did pull some shitty things. But I can put that behind us if you are willing to come home to us."
@Durro Thel-Tanis @Mishka Winlat
Durro Thel-Tanis — 11/25/2021
Durro is silent for a long moment. Finally, he says;
"I made the same mistake the Jedi did; I focused so much on the big picture that I failed to see the details. I looked away to the horizon, to the future, and missed what was happening around me. 'Head in the clouds' I think is the expression. I am sorry about that. I can't fix the past; I can't help Sinya or Lysire anymore, or Kaleb and Reine; but I can help you, my second family. I can be here, instead of in my own head all the time."
"If you can forgive me, and give me another chance, I am willing to 'come home' as you say."
"What do you need from me, right now?"
@TheTraveler
@Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/25/2021
Mishka smiled to Ryan and gave him a soft nudge as if telling him this was the chance he needed. "There's always a chance to make amends, Ryan." She said, looking to Durro and nodding to him. "So, tell him, okay?" The hand that was not around him gently grabbed his arm and rubbed it in a comforting manner. This was something she had seen her mother do for her father multiple times and hoped it helped.
@TheTraveler @Durro Thel-Tanis
TheTraveler — 11/25/2021
Ryan nodded, "okay, but bra...you need to take care of that Crazy girl. Did you know that she wonders the ship at night naked! Cleaner and rag in hand. I mean wow I thought spice was fucking me up until I saw her!"
Ryan got up and took a nervous step. Then another and another till he was at Durro, he held out his hand. There was fear, but a glance back to Mishka and he knew he was during the right thing. He turned back to Durro.
@Durro Thel-Tanis @Mishka Winlat
Durro Thel-Tanis — 11/25/2021
"I will certainly do my best." Durro says with a smile. "Though even Jedi have their limitations!"
He stands, holds out his hand and takes Ryan's in a firm handshake.
"Thank you. I'll not mess this up. Let me know if you or Mishka need anything."
Turning to leave, he pauses at the door and adds;
"The administrator has asked Astra and I to investigate something at the edge of the system. Our optimal time to leave is in eleven hours. Until then, I'm willing to assist with anything you need."
"Oh, and I did sense that Astra and those vials are connected, but I'm not sure how. Do you know anything about them?"
@TheTraveler
@Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/25/2021
An uncomfortable feeling swelled inside Mishka at the mention of the vials, the package she and Ryan were supposed to deliver. "Your guess is as good as ours, I think." She said softly, trying to remember what exactly the vials had looked like. In truth, she had paid very little attention to them since she was more concerned about Ryan at the time.
@TheTraveler @Durro Thel-Tanis
TheTraveler — 11/25/2021
((OOC: I am getting ready for bed...will reply in the AM))
TheTraveler — 11/26/2021
Ryan gave a genuine shrug, "before yesterday you guys opening it up, I didn't have a clue."
He turned back to Mishka, "but now I kind of do."
Turning back to Durro, "Tesara asked me about a injector. Its um, well think of it like Super Spice for you Jedi." He laughed slightly had if to lighten a somber subject. He moved so he could see Mishka and she could see him, as he continued to speak to Durro.
"There is this girl in Candyland. I am sure at one point she was pretty, but not any more. Everyone just calls her Hype, cause she is so hyper and bouncy. She would talk about how she was once a Jedi but had been tossed out. We all think that it was that stuff that ruined her," Ryan explained.
He rubbed the back of his head, "I can't think of any stories of her being violent or anything like that. Though Amy and I...." he trailed off and looked to Mishka in sadness. He didn't realize until after it happened that he had motioned to her when he spoke of his dead lover. "I'm sorry," he choked out.
Trying to reset himself, "Amy," he said without any indications this time. "And I had helped her get to a Street Doc. Stupid woman tried to claw her own eyes out."
He laughed again trying to shake off the memory of that night, "Spice never effected anyone like that."
He shrugged, "anyway, that suffer there can't be SS, cause you never see SS in that much quantity. If it were, that's like a hundred doses there with a street value of over a million credits if that is it."
@Mishka Winlat @Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 11/26/2021
Durro looks thoughtful.
"Where's it going?" He asks. "Do you know who's receiving it? I assumed Rusty the Hutt was sending it."
He looks up and adds;
"I also remember you mentioning to me before, when we ran that job together, that you never ask or find out what you're moving. I'm sorry we put you in this spot."
@TheTraveler
@Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/26/2021
Mishka’s ears twitched a little in agitation when Ryan gestured to her while using Amy’s name, but she kept quiet about it. There was no reason to get upset about it, especially at a time like this. Instead, she listened to Durro’s questions, her ears perking up. “It’s going to the Locillnds Sector if I remember correctly.” She chimed with a smile.
@TheTraveler @Durro Thel-Tanis
TheTraveler — 11/26/2021
Ryan looked down in shame and sadness as he noticed Mishka reaction to his mistake. He felt horrible about making it. He did everything in his power to conceal his emotions linked to it.
(OOC: Sense Motive Check, DC 15)
Ryan nodded, "yeah and before you suggest tagging along, don't. These guys really don't like Force Sensitives let alone Jedi."
@Durro Thel-Tanis @Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/26/2021
(OOC: Just to make sure [because I can be dumb and need to make sure] I need to do the Sense Motive, right? Or do both of us need to do it?)
Durro Thel-Tanis — 11/26/2021
(((Can you make the roll for me? I am out.)))
"I trust your judgment." Durro says. "Anything you can find out would be appreciated."
@TheTraveler
@Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/26/2021
Image
Mishka Winlat — 11/26/2021
Mishka noticed how Ryan responded to her ear twitches and started to fiddle with her necklace. She did realize something, felt something was missing as she watched Ryan and Durro talk. Something wasn’t right. Where was the feeling she kept getting from the night before? From this morning?
Biting down on her bottom lip, she gently settled a hand on his again, trying to comfort him. Her mind was trying to understand what was going on at the moment. “I’m sure we’ll figure it out…” She spoke so softly it was practically a whisper.
@TheTraveler @Durro Thel-Tanis
TheTraveler — 11/26/2021
Ryan nodded to Durro, "thanks, cause I really don't want to piss these people off. Already I've got to go back to Rusty and get the case resealed."
Ryan turns to Mishka as if to say something and tilted his head slightly while looking at her. There was concern on his face.
He turned back to Durro, "so um, there is one thing you keep getting wrong about Ava, Nova and I. We don't hate the Jedi. Well, maybe Ava, cause she knows the truth of what happened back then. But not Nova and I. Normally judge people on their own actions."
He thought for a moment as he walked Durro to the door. He rubbed the back of his head again, this time a bit guilty, "I said what I said cause I knew it would hurt you to think I don't like them. Because you believe you are them and they are you."
He paused a moment before continuing, "But you don't understand. Its our relationship," he said motioning between Durro and himself, "that defines who you are to me. Instead of trying to prove to me a bunch of dead guys were good people. Why don't you just prove to me, you are a good person by the way you treat those most loyal to you."
He smiled, "Like the way Ava does." He opened the door, "do this Durro and we'll be just fine." He smiled and gave Durro a reassuring nod as he waited for the Jedi Master to bid his finally words before departing.
@Durro Thel-Tanis @Mishka Winlat
Durro Thel-Tanis — 11/27/2021
"That's good advice; not just for us but for others in general. I'll keep in mind."
Durro smiles, nods, and leaves the quarters. He returns to his own quarters and settles down with a nice cup of tea. Not meditating per se, but mindfully embracing the moment. Feeling the Force flow through the Jupiter 1 and its occupants.
Mishka Winlat — 11/27/2021
Mishka calmly watched Durro leave before turning her attention back to Ryan. "Uhm...Ryan," She began, thumb rubbing circles on her necklace. "Can I ask you some questions?" She was obviously nervous, still not sure how to comprehend the emptiness hanging around her.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 11/27/2021
Ryan turned to her and gave her a nod, "yes" he asked nervously. His actions were clear to her that he kind of knew what she wanted to talk about. Hit the lock button on the door and walked back over to her, "you can ask me anything."
Mishka Winlat — 11/27/2021
Mishka twisted her fingers around the necklace pendant and bit at her lip. “I feel…empty. I could understand things a lot more last night…even this morning, but now I…I don’t get what’s going on. Am I just being overly emotional or…?” She let the words fade, gazing at Ryan with the hope that he would understand her meaning.
TheTraveler — 11/27/2021
Ryan set down next to her and nodded, "I know what you are talking about. A feeling of being alone in your own mind. Like those around you can't hear you, or you them."
He sighed, "I know, I have felt it too before. I don't know why it happens, but I know I hate it."
He looked at her, "think back to last night at the club. Do you remember the feelings of those around you. The pleasure and excitement they felt. Or how about how I felt about you." He smiled, "I could feel how you felt about me too. Because we were part of a larger mind in the galaxy."
He looked down and frowned, "I think I am fucking this up. Does that make sense?"
@Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/27/2021
Mishka tilted her head, ears rising and falling as she listened. “So…what? The Spice let me feel all of that or something?” She asked, hoping she had figured it out. “I haven’t had a chance to read the books since we had to deal with chaos before coming in here. Am I right?”
A blush crossed her face as she recalled how Ryan had felt for her, how all the people in that place had felt. It had felt amazing…
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 11/27/2021
Ryan tilted his head and nodded, "something like that." He smiled as he pulled a spice injector from his pocket, "when you are in a large crowd, it is just so amazing to feel them around you. To feel their happiness, their sorrow, their joy, their love. It is like another world that no one else knows expect for us."
He rested a hand on hers, "I still feel you," he said softly. He didn't offer her the injector, but he didn't hide it from her either. "I told you, that book wouldn't tell you anything useful," he said smiling.
Mishka Winlat — 11/27/2021
Mishka didn't move her hand away, but she didn't look to the injector either. The one thing she was focused on sat here in front of her, brought a surprising comfort she was sure would never return after what had happened to her. A part of her, that logical side always reading statistics from books, was still afraid, but she could not bring herself to fear Ryan.
She trusted him, despite the use of Spice.
"What else does it do?" She asked softly, meeting his gaze. "And do you intend to keep taking it?" In her mind, she had already decided not to judge him if he did choose to keep taking Spice. If it was what he wanted, who was she to ask him to stop?
TheTraveler — 11/27/2021
It was his time to look down at the injector as he let out a long sigh. "I truthfully don't know. I don't think I know how to be alone in my mind anymore. It terrifies me just thinking about it."
He smiled, more out of uncertainty, "I wanted to be clean for her. We were going to have a child. We were going to be a family, settle down." Still looking at the injector, "I know I would have killed myself that night you found me. I don't want that anymore."
He finally looked up to her, "your mind, your feelings are so beautiful to me. But the idea of..." a tear slips from his eye, "not ever being able to share with you, my mind, my feelings like that. It breaks my heart too."
He held her gaze for a long moment in silence before looking down, "That is what made Amy and I so special. No one else knew what we knew. We would share glances and just know."
He closed his eyes to wash the tears from them, "I don't want to be alone in my mind, but I don't want to be alone like I was before Amy either." He looked up to her with pain in his eyes, "I...." he stuttered, "I don't know what to do."
@Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/27/2021
Mishka hesitantly touched his face, wiping away the tear that had escaped. “You don’t have to decide right now.” She told him simply, glancing to arm band he had given her. “A lot of things are…new to me, Ryan. I never left home much before my parents died. Searching for Aneta is what got me…hurt.”
Her gaze fell to her lap as she pulled her hand back. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore…but I know fear and uncertainty are a part of life. We all have to face new things, right?” Her ears fell back, adjusting the skirt of her kimono. “If it helps, if it gives you some comfort, I’ll be here the entire time to help you. If you decide to get off Spice, I won’t ever let you feel alone…”
She knew loneliness, had felt it slam into her very soul when she had been attacked. That was something she never wished on anyone.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 11/27/2021
Ryan looked down, he still felt her. Which made it so much worse. He knew she felt him. He knew that she had reached in to his mind and touched him like only Amy had. And now the fate of never feeling her touch again like that was heartbreaking. It was like his heart was breaking all over again. He nodded slowly as he listened to her.
He wish he never decided to help her with her sister. Maybe if she still thought of him as a jerk who spoke of space dicks, it wouldn't be so hard right now. If only Amy hadn't died. If only he had just stayed on the Flight Deck. If only.....
The soft sound of hissing filled the silence between them. Ryan looked down at the injector, still in his hand, pressed up against his leg. Within moments, Ryan felt his mind start to wander from the moment, from the pain his heart was feeling. Two more tears finally made their lone trip down his face. He couldn't think of what had caused them.
He looked up and saw Mishka, and gave her a shaky smile. She was so beautiful. Her eyes reminded him of the seas back home. Vast, deep blue orbs filled with love and promise of a brighter tomorrow.
"I love your eyes," he said softly.
@Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/27/2021
She had heard the hiss and looked to see the injector pressed against his leg. A slight frown crossed her face, but she quickly shook it away, hoping Ryan did not see. He was soon gazing into her eyes, smiling in a shaky manner and his words sounded almost sensual.
“Thank you,” She practically whispered, keeping her eyes locked with his. One of her hands pressed down on the bed, gripping the sheets. She never knew what to do in moments like this and the lingering disappointment made her mentally kick herself. She should not be bothered by this, by what he had just done.
All she could do was look at him and wonder what he was going to do next.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 11/27/2021
Ryan leaned back as his eyes drifted down. He had displeased her. He wasn't sure why or how, but he knew he had. He looked at the empty Spice injector and remembered her words, 'If you decide to get off Spice, I won’t ever let you feel alone…'
He drew in a deep breath as his mind raced. He had wanted to get off of Spice for Amy. But that was because she was going to be having their child. They had spent weeks talking about it. Like him, Spice had been a dominating part of her life. She knew the fear of being along in her own mind.
He then thought of Mishka, she was sweet and innocent. He remembered her gentle touch and kindness as she held the torch against his own personal nightmare. He wanted so badly to be the man that she expected him to be.
He could have been, because Amy knew the road they both were about to walk. Than again, they had both realized that this road might be something neither of them could finish.
Mishka had faith in him to walk the path and even finish it. He so badly didn't want to let her down. But he had already done that, didn't he.
His heart hurt, Amy would have known his struggle and fears. Mishka would be there for him and trust him. But she wouldn't really know what it was like. Tears started to form in his eyes as he started to realize the only way this could end.
He would fail her despite all the faith and hope she placed him. He would break her heart and leave her each day with disappointment. With each passing moment, with each passing second he would cut her just a little bit. Till she was filled with wounds, some deep, some that would never heal.
He couldn't help the tears now, as his heart begged for mercy to this pain that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Never before had he ever felt like such a horrible person. He couldn't even look her in the eyes, or even at her. This kind, loving and wonderful being was going to trust him and in return, he would fail her.
He reached up with a hand and wiped the tears from his eyes with the palm of his hand. He couldn't allow her to suffer for his failures. He cursed himself for believing that he had any right to such a wonderful being.
Drawing in a deep breath, Ryan steadied himself as he fought back the tears and the pain that gripped the heart and twisted it. He pushed down the knot in his throat.
He brought his eyes to hers once more. The memory of that disappointment lingered. No longer did her eyes remind him of the beautiful seas of his homeworld. All he saw in them was the disappointment that he knew he would bring her. The horrible slow life of cut after cut he would inflict on her.
Closing his eyes once more he pushed back everything he could before he could face her once more. He smiled and gave her a nod, "I want to do this for you."
He lied to her. I knew he couldn't do it. He knew he would fail her over and over again. He knew that he would use her love, her kindness and like a letch, he would take all that made her beautiful and would ruin it. Like he ruined everything else in his life.
The smile on his face, nothing more than a mask he wore for her now. He was ugly and he was undeserving of her.
But there was light. She would never know his endless failures....not if he could help it. He would find a way to spare her, even if it killed him.
He held her hands and smiled softly to her. He couldn't bare to utter another word to her. He couldn't bare to face the ugly thing he had just become. He hated himself like never before. Now, all he could do was just protect her from what he had become.
@Mishka Winlat
Mishka Winlat — 11/27/2021
Mishka smiled softly back to him, gently taking Ryan's hand. "It'll be okay," She told him softly before adjusting her position on the bed. Her disappointment still lingered, still bit at her, but she stamped it down.
There was nothing she could do.
When there was a knock at the door, she looked toward it.
|
