Mess Hall Revisited 6/7/22

[Anatketani]

Haj — 06/07/2022
Haj wakes lightly. She's roused by a need to visit the refresher, though she is loathe to leave her lover's side. Climbing gently from the bed so as not to wake him, she sets her hand on the table for balance. That's when she sees it.

Her data pad is on, open to her journal. Someone had been here, and they had been prying into her personal thoughts. But who? She had not been in her quarters since the morning. Who would have, could have, gotten in to read her journal? She knows of only one person ... and he's dozing in her bed.

She kneels down beside his languid form. "Durro," she whispers, touching his shoulder. "Durro."

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/07/2022
Durro snaps awake, instantly alert, though he does not move.

"What? What is it?"
@Haj
Haj — 06/07/2022
"Someone was in my quarters, Durro. They took out my data pad. Look." She points to the device on the table.

"I haven't been here since early this morning, and I didn't leave my pad out. I never leave my pad out. Who else has access to our private quarters besides you?"

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/07/2022
"Handyman, I assume. Likely Gungnir as well. I can head to the bridge and check the security footage."

"Though there is only one new person on board who was not here before. Though I am hesitant to make an actual accusation without evidence."
@Haj
Haj — 06/07/2022
Haj frowns. "There's one way to find out for sure," she says rising to grab a robe. "Let's go look check that footage."
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/07/2022
Durro rises and dresses quickly. They make their way to the bridge, and Durro sits at the security console and accesses the ship's security system.
@Haj
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
Che'ri turned from her station with a surprise in her eyes, "Master," she said then added, "Haj"

"We heard the blaster fire," there was concern in her voice. "It was the clone, wasn't it. Did you kill it?"

@Haj
@Durro Thel-Tanis
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 06/07/2022
" hi Master, Haj I set you a text but you never responded" Astra said.
@Durro Thel-Tanis @Haj @TheTraveler
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/07/2022
"Nobody is dead." Durro says simply. "Though Che'ri, I would like you to give the other Astra a tour of the ship. Astra, if you would message Tesara and ask her to come to the bridge with some tea and other refreshments."

He peruses the security footage, looking for Haj's intruder.
@Haj
@Princess Astra Korraay
@TheTraveler
Haj — 06/07/2022
Haj dismisses the two girls. She has a look of concentration and concern on her face as places a hand on Durro's shoulder and peers around him.to watch the footage as well.

@TheTraveler
@Princess Astra Korraay
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Princess Astra Korraay — 06/07/2022
Astra nodes and sends Tesara a text message. " Tesara can you come to the bridge with Tea and snacks. Durro apparently wants to speak to us he's planning to have chre'ie show the Clone around the ship"
@Tesara Anerin
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
There was a noticeable sign of disappointment on Che'ri face,  "Yes Master," she said. Though her eyes said, do i have too.

She got up from her station and slowly and calmly walked towards the exit. She left every possible moment for her Master to change his mind. Then she was gone through the door.

@Tesara Anerin @Haj @Princess Astra Korraay @Durro Thel-Tanis
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
Tesara receives the text message halfway to the medbay.  She frowns and turns to Astra. “Change of plans.”  She says.  “Durro is asking me to go to the kitchen to grab tea and snacks.  We can get them together and go to the bridge.”  She says, still looking a little confused.  “Something might have happened.  I’ll let him know you still need to go to the medbay though.”  She heads for the kitchen with CA.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
Che'ri finds Tesara and CA on their way to the kitchen. "Hello other Astra," she said with a slight bow. "Master wants me to show you around the ship."

CA frowned then turned to Tesara, "i did want to have the medical droid, um, Handyman right."

Che'ri nodded, "he is at med bay," Che'ri motioned in the direction of medical.

CA painted a smile on, "i will be a good girl." She touched the side of Tesara’s face. "I regret nothing," she added with a soft smile.

@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
(((Sorry time continuity has become a nightmare)))
Tesara watches and listens.  She smiles a little sadly at CA.  “I know.”  She says softly.  “Keep your wits about you with Handyman.”  She smiles, then turns to Che’ri.  “Thank you, Che’ri.  You’ve been helpful today.”  She gives CA another long, hopefully encouraging look then turns to make the food that Durro had requested.
@Durro Thel-Tanis @TheTraveler
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/07/2022
(((Hey, this was not my idea. lol)))
(((Durro is still looking at the cameras.)))
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
(What is Durro looking at?)
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/07/2022
(Looking for who entered Haj's room and when.)
Haj — 06/07/2022
(Same for Haj)
TheTraveler — 06/07/2022
Throughout the day, no one entered Haj's room. She woke, went to work out, and returned. Then she returned to change for her mission. Sometime later she returned wearing Tesara's cloak. She removed it and her torn and ripped clothing. Alone, she broken down in the middle of the floor crying. After a few moments, she forced herself to stop and rose back to her feet. She pulled some clothes on and left. She returned sometime later in the afternoon and set down at her desk. She pulled out her pad and opened it up. She then froze at her desk as her limbs fell to her side. She remained that way for about fifteen minutes before getting up again. Her motion and actions were sharp and direct. She drew her blaster and headed for the door. She walked down towards the bridge then turned and headed directly for the kitchen without even pausing or missing a step.

@Tesara Anerin @Durro Thel-Tanis @Princess Astra Korraay @Haj
Haj — 06/07/2022
Haj pulls back from the screen, eyes widening slightly, filing with with confusion. "I ... I don't understand. I didn't go to my room. I was headed there when I left the bridge while you all were talking, but I heard a noise in the kitchen and veered off. That's when I found the other Astra hiding there."

@Durro Thel-Tanis @Princess Astra Korraay @TheTraveler @Tesara Anerin
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/07/2022
Durro closes down the display without a word, a blank look and a furrowed brow on his face.

"A mystery for another time. As soon as Tesara gets here we'll begin."

He sits back in the chair and turns to face the room.
@Haj
@Princess Astra Korraay
@Tesara Anerin
@TheTraveler
Haj — 06/07/2022
Haj stares at him, a shocked look on her face. "Another time? Kjære, do you think that's wise? What if it's Tesara on the other side of the blaster next time? Or Che'ri?"

@Durro Thel-Tanis @Princess Astra Korraay @Tesara Anerin @TheTraveler
Princess Astra Korraay — 06/07/2022
" I don't know what you and Haj are talking about but I know you way to well master" she said then looed at Haj. " if it's a clone of me I don't believe she would hurt anyone" Astra said
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
Tesara enters, holding a tray of tea, mugs, spoons and finger sandwiches.  There is a bowl of little cookies she had found as well.  “All right, food is served.”  She sets down the tray and looks around.  Instantly she knows something is wrong.  Now what?. She thinks, then asks.  “What’s going on?”
@Durro Thel-Tanis @Haj @Princess Astra Korraay @TheTraveler
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/07/2022
"Another. Time." Durro says with finality.

As Tesara enters with the food, he silently observes. To her question he answers,

"I thought a frank conversation was in order. Please, everyone, sit. Make yourselves comfortable."
@Haj
@Princess Astra Korraay
@Tesara Anerin
Tesara Anerin — 06/07/2022
Tesara feels her stomach lurch but takes a long, deep breath and sits.
Princess Astra Korraay — 06/07/2022
Astra stars at Durro.
Haj — 06/07/2022
Haj leans back against the console opposite Durro, wrapping her arms around her middle. The thin, thigh-lengthed, lavender robe she's wearing isn't keeping her warm and it shows. Her eyes flit between the screen behind him, as if she could get answers to the questions that are flooding her mind, and the hard look on his face.

A mere few moments ago, he was her Kjære. Now he was Master Thel-Tanis, captain of the Gungnir and former Clone War soldier, whatever that meant. The change was her fault. She shouldn't have said anything. It was just a data pad after all. She had ripped away his peace, their moment of happiness, for nothing more than a forgotten action.

He had never spoken to her like that though she had heard it often enough from him to directed towards others. For him to have done so means whatever discussion he was about to have with them, it was likely to be one of the most important they would ever have.

She observes through veiled violet irises, paying close attention to what is both said and unsaid, taking it all in for later.

Then she noticed one member of the party was missing - well, two, if she were honest. But that one had removed himself, so he no longer mattered to her ... much. No,  though it pained her to even think it, she believed Ashanti should be here. After her actions earlier, the Helvete deserved her place at the table.

Her eyes rove back to the security screen behind Durro once more and it hits her - The security camera in my room is recording? I thought those had been disabled. Someone is watching me ... ... ... why?

@Durro Thel-Tanis @TheTraveler @Tesara Anerin @Princess Astra Korraay
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/08/2022
(((NFN, but Durro's firmer statement was said while looking at Astra, in response to her saying she knows him too well.)))

Durro gathers himself, standing in front of his chair.

"I've sensed something for several weeks now, though I've been too busy to address it properly. That itself is part of the problem I sensed. I wish Che'ri and even the other Astra could be here, but this is going to be heavy and it's best that they're not involved just yet."

"This crew is fractured. Divided. We've lost the cohesion that our little family used to have and as an old teacher of mine once said; 'Once divided a house is, stand tall it cannot.' ...he had an odd way of speaking; which means he was a very wise Jedi Master." he grins, but then gets serious and continues. "Part of our loss has been an inward focus, by all of us, on ourselves. Our wants, our goals, our feelings. I want to take this time to clear the air, to unburden ourselves and to help each other deal with burdens we should not be handling alone. I intend to go around the room and each of us pour the contents of our hearts and souls into the room. Do not use the time to address or reply to anyone else's statements. Say only what is already in your head and heart. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, then we will work through the baggage pile together."

"To demonstrate I'm serious, I'll start." He takes a deep breath, focusing his thoughts. "Some of this is repeating, but I am following my own instructions. Speak from the heart."

"This crew is divided. We've lost focus, we've forgotten why we're out here, and we fight amongst ourselves more than we fight those arrayed against us. I've been dismissive, not wanting to get sucked into drama and debate, because there is a lot of drama and debate. The girls have shown me the benefit of military discipline, because despite their grumblings they accomplish a lot; they work as a team. I have been loath to 'take charge', as that has been the Professor's role, but he is not here and has left that burden to me. I need to step up, and make the changes I feel are necessary. That means laying down the law sometimes. That means sometimes I will not be liked, my decisions will be disagreed with. Feelings will be hurt, and while I do not want to be at odds with anyone here I am here to lead. A leader must do what he feels is right, even if everyone hates him for it. Especially if it is for the good of the company."

Durro's face falls slightly as he continues, with great effort.

"I don't like talking about myself or my feelings. I was bullied as a youngling for 'wearing my heart on my sleeve' and it's made me jaded and I keep things close to my chest. A leader cannot and should not share everything, but I do err on the side of not sharing enough. That said, we are unburdening. I do not feel adequate to be your leader. I was not a great commander in the Clone Wars and I lost a lot of good men. I have been content to follow; follow Ava, follow the Professor, follow the Will of the Force. I hate being the one in charge. I see the group fracturing and I want to run from the conflict. I'm tired of fighting what feels like a losing battle against chaos, against corruption, against the Dark Side itself. I want to retire to an uncharted planet and just teach those who come to me for help and training. To sit out the coming darkness while living a simple life with those... with those I love."

"That isn't who I am, though. I am a Jedi, and I will fight the coming chaos. To rid the universe of the cancer that threatens to consume it. I can't do it alone, though. I need support, I need a family. Mine is broken, and I'm not up to the task of fixing it. I'm not a leader, and I'm tired of being the rock on which everyone anchors their boats. I do it because I must, because I am a Jedi, but I don't want to anymore. That is my burden."

He takes his seat and sighs.

"You can decide amongst yourselves who goes next."
@Haj
@Princess Astra Korraay
@Tesara Anerin
TheTraveler — 06/08/2022
Ashanti shows herself in the center of the group, "i am not one of you. None of you look upon me as sister, family or even friend. And I don't care."

"My intentions and membership of this Grand Crusade," there was dripping contemptment in her voice, "are for purely selfish reasons."

"I don't care for the weak beyond this ship, or helping the innocent. Let the weak parish for all I care. MY ONLY Interest is to survive this fight. And I know I won't survive unless I choose to fight along your side."

She grinned with a dark sense of humor, "because I am honest, you hate me. You hate me, because of who and what I am. I am Sith and proud of it. You look at me and you see what you will become if you give in to your inner demons. I am the very representation of the worse within each of you. I am unashamed of this truth, and so you hate me for it."

"You are not my allies or family. Just those who I have chosen to fight along side because my own survival is at stake."

"But I look around and see the very cracks Master speaks of. You don't want to see the world as i do. I see a strike against the weakest of us," she said looking at Haj, "as a strike at us all. Worse, none of you have the courage to stand up and strike back."

She draws in a deep breath, "I do, and I am not ashamed of my violent nature. It is who i am and why you need me."

She frowns, "and why I need you. Without the whole even the strongest of us can't survive. I hate admitting this, but I need even the weakest of us, for she has a role to play in this band of warriors."

"And this is what I fear the most," she said softlt. She walked across the deck and stood directly infront of Durro. She then purposely turned around and spoke to the others. "I fear that in placing my very existence in your hands, you will betray me, again. You will try to murder me, again. Yet despite my fears and lack of trust in any of you, I don't have a choice. If I don't do this than Astea and I will parish."

She fell silent for a moment before adding, "I can't allow that. All I can do is hope you each will raise to the challenge before us," Ashanti said then added, "I will tell you the truth, we need each other."

She moved back to allow someone else to talk.

@Durro Thel-Tanis @Princess Astra Korraay @Haj @Tesara Anerin
Princess Astra Korraay — 06/08/2022
Astra remains silent, but nodes her understanding to Ashanti. She is completely unwilling to speak.
@Durro Thel-Tanis @Haj @Tesara Anerin @TheTraveler
Tesara Anerin — 06/08/2022
Tesara shudders a little at the cold enveloping the room.  It's not a temperature, it's a feeling.  When Ashanti is done, all she does is nod her head heavily.  She glances at Astra and sees that Astra may not yet be ready to speak.  Haj has not either.  She sighs.  It's time to step up.  She looks at Durro.

"I'm humbled by you, Durro, for admitting what you did.  It's how I am feeling in so many similar ways.  To hear you say you don't want to lead, that you have been content to follow, is exactly how I am feeling.  I'm also painfully aware that we cannot continue the way we've been going.  When you were gone I realized that left me in charge, and I utterly panicked. It was made worse at the idea that if you really were dead, as Ashanti continued to insist, that meant I was not only in charge right now but also going forward.  It was…utterly terrifying.  I made a decision I thought was the right one, but the moment I was presented with the possibility that I wouldn't have to lead if you were still alive, I jumped at it.  I allowed my fear and my heart to overrule my mind. I knew what the right choice was, and I went against it because of those fears.  I also want to run away and hide but I know that I cannot, because there IS nowhere to hide.  Malora and the swarm are coming for us in every part of the galaxy. To believe I can hide is foolish and childish.  I am afraid that I cannot control my own fears and doubts and in doing so, I put everyone in danger.  I question everything I do of late.  My faith in myself has been shaken and I find myself second guessing everything...even including my training of Haj."  She turns and gives Haj a pained, apologetic look.
"I may need to put a pause on our training until I can pull myself back together again to a place where I feel confident enough not only to teach you, but to be Durro's second in command.  It’s unfair of me to teach you how to use the Force when I can barely hold myself together.  Worse, there isn’t any TIME right now and there isn't anywhere to hide, not out there, not on this ship.  I miss my family, I miss Jack, and I miss when life was more simple.  But it's not simple anymore."  There are tears again, but she brushes them aside almost angrily.  Finally, she looks at Ashanti.  "Everything you said is right. I am afraid of becoming you. You represent everything I dislike about the Dark Side and the Sith.  Yes, there is a mirror there.  I hate looking into it.  I was angry when you directly refused an order I gave you but you gave me no valid reason why.  You demanded I allow Haj to be put in danger.  I still don't know why, but it's not up to me right now to find out."  She looks at Astra.  "I've just spent an hour with your clone.  She's undeniably incredibly powerful and astute.  She is a version of you I have never seen and having said that, it does not mean that I don't believe you're the real Astra.  But there are things she can do with her Seer capabilities that are mindblowing and possibly crucial in our fight against Malora.  If there is anything I’d ask of you it’s to learn from her and find a way to strengthen your own Seer abilities.”  She sighs heavily.  “I never wanted to be a soldier, and yet here I am.
The professor has left us to fend for ourselves and here we are.  I’ll be one because it’s being required of me to survive and protect those I love and care about. But when this is all over, all I want to do is go home, marry Jack and have children and live the rest of my life in peace.”  She swallows and closes her eyes.  “Lastly, I feel as if Fear itself has a grip on all of us, and THAT is at the core of the fracture we’re meeting about. The only way to fight it is to go through it.”  She sits back down, feeling hollow.
@Durro Thel-Tanis @Haj @Princess Astra Korraay@TheTraveler
Haj — 06/08/2022
((OOC to @Durro Thel-Tanis be that as it may, but his reply was a direct echo of what Haj asked him, which is why she took it as hard as she did))

Haj uncurls from the console against which she had been leaning. "I am the weakest among you, as Ashanti so astutely, & continuously, points out. I came to you as nothing, no one, not even a name. Every move I make, every decision,"-  she looks at Durro, "no, not every decision," she says softly - "but most," she resumes in a normal tone of voice, "since I have joined you is based on my pride. I strive to be more than I am, trying to prove my value to this team & my worth in your eyes ... for you to see me as your equal. Sadly, the result has been quite the opposite. I have sewn discord as well as a lack of faith in my abilities & my judgement, not only in you, but in myself."

She straightens her shoulders before continuing. "I owe you my life, many times over. And I have been ungrateful for it, even as I tried to repay the debt. You have given of yourselves to me in so many ways, all of you," she says looking directly at Ashanti. "I have been petty, small, thoughtless, reckless, reclusive, irksome, & burdensome."

She takes a breath & closes her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of it." Tears slip from under her lashes. "I have no excuse for my behaviour. I would stay, if you will have me. But I will understand should you choose to leave me here because my unpredictability makes me a liability." She holds up a hand. "No decisions right now. We are speaking plain truths here, hard truths. This is one of mine."

*
She walks to Durro, placing a hand on his bicep. "Min kjærlighet, you are the light in my world, not the rock to which I anchor my boat. You fill me, heart & soul. I mourned our children as I lay dying in the sands of Origin. I mourn them still, knowing they are not our destiny. I would live out our days together, however many there are in whatever way they come. If that is to fight til our last breath, then so be it. I would be there to share yours, and beyond. If that means that I have to let you go, then know that I will see you again. But I pray, each night, to the All Father that it does not. I pray that one day there will be peace and that we will be happy, surrounded by little hearts and minds for you to mold with laughter and wisdom. I love you with all that I am & will love you til all the stars are still."

Now she turns to Tesara specifically. "Lærer, had you not said that you felt as though you could not longer teach me, I would have said that the time had come for us to talk long & hard about what's next. I have been concentrating on a skill set that does not serve me or this team in the best way I can. Between you all, there are Force Users aplenty with more in the wings. Its time for me to take a different role; one that you cannot teach me."

"You, however," she says looking at Ashanti, "are ruthless enough, cunning enough, to show me what no one else on board can. You see what I do not, no matter how observant I am. You assess situations in the blink of an eye and act, not react, accordingly." Haj takes a breath before continuing. What she is about to say will stun them. "We do not like each other, Ashanti. That is no secret. But there has been a connection between us since we first laid eyes on one another. If you will have me, I would be your student, to learn what you will teach me ... with one caveat. I am not, nor will I ever be, drawn to the Dark Side as you are. I do not ask to  be your apprentice, merely your student."
Haj — 06/08/2022
To Astra, she says simply, "I have no words for you that you have not already heard. Whether you choose to believe them or not is up to you. I bear you no malice. I never did. There is work still to be done between us. I love you. I always have. And, at first, I respected you more than  you will ever know. I set you up as someone I aspired to be." She looks around. "I did that to you all. Heroes. Gods. Months ago, a lifetime ago, I awoke into the company of gods." Her face glows with the makahu of that moment.

"But you are not." She looks around at each face. "And I love you all the more for it."

She returns to her place against the console. "I am tired and I am scared. I don't know if we will win. I don't know know if we can. Everything seems so big, and I am but a little person trying to find my way. Beyond anything, I want to be happy. I want joy and love and to live out my days never worrying for one more moment whether I will lose my heart, my body, or my mind. I'm sick to death of being a taut as a bowstring, wondering when I will be fired into the Darkness never to return. And the Darkness looms always, just beyond the horizon. It's gotten so that I can barely see the sun anymore. But I believe it's still there. I have to," she concludes, a hollowness to her voice that belies a hope she clings to like a gossamer thread.

@Princess Astra Korraay @Durro Thel-Tanis @Tesara Anerin @TheTraveler
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/08/2022
"Astra?" Durro asks after a long moment of silence. "I know you have a burden, we all do. Will you share it?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 06/08/2022
Astra is silent as she lessons to the others speak. A war rages in her mind. As the storm clouds thereon come to the surface. She tries desperately to force them down and away. She has her issues too but sharing them could send everyone over the age. She doesn't want to do that.

" I ummm" she mutters breaking off. She is silent again. And just looks at them she is tired of trying to be perfect of pretending she is fine when she is no. She is tired of her master barely trusting her after having knighted her. Of pretending she is ok that Tesaraa Betrayed her. Most of all walking on eggshells around Haj.

" I ummm... I know I should not as a Jedi Knight I should deal with which problems myself. But I don't have the time. I'm been forcing such things to the background so I can appear to be the jedi Knight you all expect. The truth is im, not ok." She said. Tears threatened to fall. She shut her eyes trying to force them away. She was not going to cry.

" I miss my baby, I know it was the best choice to leave her behind it was for her safety. My current situation is a reflection of that. But it doesn't mean I don't miss her. There was the incident with Quinn I was barely a knight when he captured us. And ummm..." Her words failed she looked at Durro hoping he may fill in the even she could not bring herself to tell Tesara or Haj.

" That night still bothers me. The confusing thing is I still love him. Despite what he has done it makes no sense to me" She said finishing that thought. She shut her eyes again needed a moment to keep herself from crying.
" Master you knighted me and despite my efforts to live up to it you still do not trust me I my as well be a Padawan. You trust and respect Haj far more then you will ever respect me." She looks to tesara " I love you Tesara but I have been struggling to trust you. I'm too afraid you will be manipulated again like you were by Sol's Uncle," she said pointedly refusing to call the man professor.

She then looks to Haj. " as for you Haj. I am tired of having to walk on eggshells around you because I fear that you will break again and it will be my falt." She said simply.
@Durro Thel-Tanis @Haj @Tesara Anerin @TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/08/2022
Ashanti holds up a hand, "Master if you will allow me. I have one thing to add to this, um, baggage."
TheTraveler — 06/08/2022
Ashanti walks over to the holo table, its a place most have seen her occupy when she is on the bridge. And even during their latest conflict over dealing with the Sith.

She turns to them and smiles as they watch her draw a glass dagger from a hiding spot underneath.

She winks at Tesara, "i said I don't trust."

Taking the glass dagger with her, she walks towards Haj. "Everything you have said about us is true. And still, you fail to see what I see. Maybe this will help you," her words are harsh but direct.

"This is a Shikkar," she explained. "It is made of glass by my own hands," she said softly. "It is not as strong as a lightsaber, nor has the range of a blaster. But it is no less deadly in the right hands. In fact it was my first dagger I made."

She turns and looks to Durro as she continues to speak to Haj, "if i teach you anything, your loyalty to them will be cast in to doubt."

She shrugged and turned back to Haj, "so I leave you with this lesson. One need not be powerful or strong to be deadly."

She hands Haj the beautiful designed glass dagger. "Don't be the blaster or saber. Be the dagger from the shadows."

@Tesara Anerin @Haj @Princess Astra Korraay @Durro Thel-Tanis
Haj — 06/08/2022
Haj accepts the Shikkar from Ashanti and bows her head silently. It's the first sign of respect she has ever shown the Sith woman.
"Thank you Ashanti," she says finally, her voice so low as to almost be unheard. "I will treasure it, and the lesson, and strive to be worthy of both."
((OOC - @TheTraveler, I need the deets on this)))
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/08/2022
"It seems that Tesara, once again, has a good handle on the heart. Fear lies at the root of our burdens."

"What I find interesting is the idea of our chain of command. I never appointed anyone or even hinted at the idea. Who picked up the slack interests me. That's something we'll have to discuss later; the chain of command should be clear, and expectations should be set."

"Astra, I knighted you because I felt you are ready. That you'd learned all you could from me. I didn't knight you because you're the perfect Jedi or because I thought you had nothing left to learn. The Knight who admits their ignorance, who doesn't hide their flaws, who asks for help when needed no matter how humiliating: they are wiser and more mature than a knight who pretends to have it all together and who ceases to learn and to grow. As for trust; you were the first person with whom I shared my vision for a different kind of Jedi. You were the first one I told anything about my old masters. If it feels like I trust and respect Haj more than you, ask yourself why. What is the difference? Is it in the way you both carry yourselves?" He looks at her for a moment, then his gaze shifts.

"Haj, Paribo, Ashanti is right in her own crude way. While I believe you could be as physically strong or 'powerful' as any one of us, that will be after decades of training. Decades we have all had. In the meantime, you've had a positive effect on this crew. Even in the military, not everyone is a fighter or a marksman. Some are healers, councilors, support. Leaders. I can only speak for myself, but you reminded me of why we're out here. What we're protecting. You give me something to fight for, a hope for happiness on the other side of this bitter conflict. The value of that can never be overstated."

"Tesara. I never wanted you to be a soldier. I still don't want you to carry that burden. I'm sorry I dragged you into this. I'm sorry I push you into things that frustrate you and make you uncomfortable. I'll do better going forward, and I encourage you to talk to me if I'm pushing too hard or asking too much."

"Ashanti. You may not have physical form, and we may be at odds most of the time, but you are also a valuable member of this team. It's why I've said nothing about your violation of our agreement, or your willingness to lie to my face. As long as you see us as a means to an end, we'll likely see you the same way."
@Haj
@Princess Astra Korraay
@Tesara Anerin
@TheTraveler
Haj — 06/08/2022
"There it is then," Haj says, her voice still soft. "Our fears divide is when they should be uniting us, for they are the same for us all, ultimately - that we are not equal to the task before us."

She gives Astra a side glance from under her curls. "Except for you. Yours is not fear, though you name it so. Its trust. You don't trust that Durro was right in knighting you. You don't trust that Tesara won't betray you. And you don't trust yourself not to, how did you phrase it, 'break me'. Please allow me to allay your fears on that front. I am a resilient creature.  Even in these past few weeks, I have survived far worse than you could ever do to me and I expect I will soon have to be prepared to survive worse still. So please don't hold yourself to a standard of behaviour that is causing you pain on my account."

She slumps to the floor, ankles crossed, arms curled around her knees. "We are stripped bare before one another, but we are still divided. We are all still in separate corners of our minds, curled up with all those fears we just pulled from the shadows, only now we are on full display to one another as we do so."

She takes a deep breath, wishing she had her little bunny here to curl up with instead of all these demons. "How do we come back to us ... to family?"
@Tesara Anerin @Princess Astra Korraay @TheTraveler @Durro Thel-Tanis
Tesara Anerin — 06/08/2022
"That is exactly what I was thinking."  Tesara murmurs.  She's heard things that have rocked her to her core in the last 15 minutes, and she is feeling the same way Haj must have felt out in the desert - stripped down to raw skin.  Except it's her heart that's crushed. She closes her eyes and takes a few long, deep breaths.  "Our internal issues are deep and varied, but yes, it all comes down to fear.  I can think of things we can do to work on that, but our issue is that we are currently sitting ducks here on Warkinles.  We have the girls to think of as well as Durro and Astra's invitations. Not to mention a clone of Astra capable of wielding shocking amounts of Seer abilities and a hesitation to share what she sees."  She says.  "So while this meeting was necessary to get it all out in the open, there is also a certain sense of urgency when it comes to the world outside the Gungnir."  She looks at Durro.  "I firmly believe we can work through our fears and find how to move forward through them as a team...a family. But if you walk out to meet with the Sith Queen, you may not return.  You must put a chain of command in place.  I do trust you to return, but a solid plan would make things easier.  Also there is Quinn to think of.  What's to stop him from boarding the ship while you are meeting with her and kidnap Astra and the girls...and likely us as well? These are hard questions.  I may not want to be a soldier but the choice is not available at the moment. I will do what I have to do, but we need to figure out a plan.  Even when we make plans, all we seem to do is argue."  She looks down at her hands.  Everything feels horrible and all she wants to do is run and dive into the sea and swim away.  But she can't.  "I'm sorry to put you in a position you also do not want to be in, Durro.  But the Professor left us to lock himself away for goodness knows what reason, and you are all we have left.  Has the time come to interrupt him?"  She bites her lip at the idea.
@Durro Thel-Tanis @Princess Astra Korraay @Haj @TheTraveler
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/08/2022
"No. Not yet. Frankly, he may've died in there. I've not even seen the scant signs of his presence lately."

"I feel the best way to move forward is to be aware. Aware of our shortcomings, and the shortcomings of the others. To help and support where we can. Nothing will be solved right here or now, but knowing is half the battle."

"I'll have a chain of command decided by dinner time. Then it will be time to accept the Sith Queen's invitation. You don't have to leave, but you're all free to do so."

Durro pours himself a cup of tea, grabs a few snacks, and returns to the security console.
@Haj
@Princess Astra Korraay
@Tesara Anerin
@TheTraveler
Tesara Anerin — 06/08/2022
Tesara blinks.  Did he mean leave the bridge, leave the Gungnir or leave the planet?  She glances around at everyone else to see what they're thinking.  She avoids looking at Astra.  It hurts too much right now to look at her.
Princess Astra Korraay — 06/08/2022
" Master Cherie said something Shocking to me a few moments ago. She said her mother told her that the darkness doesn't swallow everything and that light will always be there you just need to remember. " To look. She said then shook her head. " I may not have gotten it correct but she is right. And im sorry for failing to Trust you all." Astra said.  She was silent a moment longer.

" Master I do believe you should go alone to see the Queen she wants a deal of some kind right. Some sort of true. If I went with you Quinn would have no reason to board the ship. It may also be a good show of ummm..." she trailed off having lost the word she was looking for.

" Think about it if they were truly after us they would have simply taken us prisoner again they have not they sit outside waghting for us and they have asked for nogoteations. " Astra said.
@Durro Thel-Tanis @Haj @Tesara Anerin @TheTraveler
Haj — 06/08/2022
Haj rises from the floor as Astra is speaking. Without a word, she walks past Durro with a brush of her hand across his shoulder and through the hair at the nape of his neck, her eyes first holding his profile and then flicking to the security screen before him.

She leaves the bridge with her Shikkar and returns to her room. She has nothing to add to that conversation.

@Durro Thel-Tanis @Princess Astra Korraay @Tesara Anerin @TheTraveler
Tesara Anerin — 06/08/2022
Frowning, Tesara also stands and heads out of the room, only a moment or so after Haj.  She begins to wander ever upwards, coming closer and closer to the Professor's private rooms.  She stands there, looking at the door, straining to hear any sound or sense any movement within.  She knows he's not dead.  But he obviously doesn't care what is happening to them, preferring to squirrel himself away in his room and avoid everything.  She knows she is bitter, but she cannot help it.  She wonders if they're captured if the Sith would interrupt him and drag him out, likely surprised and flailing.  Serves him right.  She thinks.  He gave express instructions not to be disturbed, but where is the line?  She frowns at the door.

@TheTraveler - Can I take ten on LIsten and ten on Sense?
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/09/2022
Durro closes his eyes for a moment.

"I don't think it's a good idea, but perhaps it wasn't other Astra's test I was sensing."

"If you want to face your fears, you may come with. If you can't, then stay here."
@Princess Astra Korraay
TheTraveler — 06/09/2022
@Players of New Horizons  FYI the time at the end of this scene is 1630
Princess Astra Korraay — 06/09/2022
Astra looks at Durro. " It's not the Sith or their Queen im afraid of master, I just need to face him again. Not to mention the Queen doesn't know about the other one and if her abilitys are what you all say they are. She can not fall into the Queen's hands. I don't yet know how to use that ability so if she does double-cross us and I am taken, prisoner there is time for me to either free myself or you guys to come help me" She said. She wanted Durro to understand at least part of her thinking.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/09/2022
"I understood, and I expected as much."

"Ready whatever you need to. We go together, Knight and Master."

"You may want to prepare, I can keep an eye on the bridge."

He smiles and takes a few more snacks.
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 06/09/2022
"I think I'll remain here to meditate and prepare master, I promised Haj I would try no to be alone. In that vision the other Astra attacked me. I did tell her about it. She asked that I avoid being alone if that makes sense to you master. We may want to keep the exact time of our departure to meet the Queen from the other ummm...master having two Astra's is confusing as hell" Astra said.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/09/2022
"Why would the other Astra attack you?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 06/09/2022
" I did tell you about the vision right. The other one attacked me with a needle and then turned herself over to the sith queen Asking that she spare your life. Master we can't let that happen" she said.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/09/2022
"Ah. Yes."

He looks thoughtful.

"We can stay on the bridge for now. Just let me work at this console. I have a command chain to craft."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 06/09/2022
" of course just just don't let the other one near me so I and meditate. Please" She said finding a place to sit in the floor. She will take her light saber and remove the crystal using it as a focus for her meditation.

( unless Durro is going to get her attention for something other then Dinner then we can probably call here)
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Princess Astra Korraay — 06/10/2022
Astra will turn to Durro after some time meditation. " Master I need to speak to Tesara and Haj before we leave. I'll be back as soon as im done there's something important I need to do.
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/10/2022
Durro simply nods, and watches her leave.
TheTraveler — 06/10/2022
As Durro finds himself nearly alone on the Bridge, with only Gungnir tending to her duties on the lower bridge, Ashanti finally speaks up once more.

"You know taking her is a big mistake," Ashanti states flatly. "You of all people know how deep her weakness runs."

She frowns deeply, "what if she breaks, can you protect her? Or are you expecting me to do so, alone?"

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/10/2022
"You know I'll do what I can to protect her. To protect any of them."

He sighs.

"I know taking her is a bad idea. Intellectually, on paper. I sensed something though; I thought facing the Queen may be other Astra's final test. Now I wonder if our Astra needs to face Quinn. To understand what he has become, to gain closure. I trust her and in the Force; she'll come through it stronger."

"Or, as you said, be broken in the attempt." He smiles at Ashanti and adds "But with both of us looking out for her, how can she possibly fail?"
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/10/2022
Ashanti frowns at his statement, "you and Astra are of the same reckless cloth. There are three other lives within Astra that you are risking on the slightest of hope that she will somehow stop being who and what she is."

She takes a deep breath trying to calm her anger, "and for what, so she can have closure. Quinn turned, that is the truth. he has betrayed all that he once held dear to. If she can't accept that truth, all this does is places her and the others in harms way."

She crosses her arms as if wanting to say something but then held back. It was an uncharacteristic move for the young Sith, but she appeared unwilling to put her final thought in to words.

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/10/2022
"Oh no, go on. Tell us how you really feel." Durro says with a slight smile. "You certainly don't care what I think of you. Tell it like it is."
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/10/2022
Her eyes narrowed with anger, "if I didn't care how you think, I wouldn't be here."

She drew in a deep breath and let out a long sigh. "this area is recorded, can you make this conversation private for us?"

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/10/2022
With the stroke of a few keys, Durro does as requested.

"The recording is off."
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/10/2022
Ashanti turned to the droid everyone seemed to had forgotten about, "leave us, Droid."

Gungnir turned and assisted the situation, "rude" she said then walked off the bridge.

Ashanti stood there in silence watching Durro till she heard the hatch closing behind the droid. Only then did she continue.

"You to know the times I have been forced forward to save Astra," she said then added, "correct?"

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/10/2022
"I've seen many of them, yes." Durro says.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/10/2022
Ashanti moved slightly as she pulled her hands up and crossed her body with her arms.

She pulled them in tightly, "On the Crusade ship, Astra left me nearly helpless before I could step and save her. I was forced to draw upon the darkside just to keep fighting and even than that wasn't enough." Her voice was low and humbled as she spoke. Gone was the anger and extreme confidence.

She frowned, "in the prison on Raxus, the same thing. She left me helpless to save her without drawing upon the darkside. I was lucky because they didn't fully understand what they were dealing with at the time. Still, I was forced to draw upon the darkside just to keep her alive."

"I can feel the darkside's pull upon me. More and more, I can sense my own self being drawn deeper. I have been trying to keep this side of the light, Master. But I fear I won't be able hold myself to the light. I fear of what might happen with the others and Astra if I fall.

The emotions running through the young Sith were so strong that she struggled to keep her illusion up. A slight tremor in the Force that Durro could feel.

Durro could see her dig her fingers in to her forearms, "today, I had Haj beside me. I didn't have to draw upon the darkside, but I only barely was able to hold my form through the battle. And that was largely due to my ability to control the battle and with the element of surprise. If any of these things had changed, I wouldn't have been able to remain."

"You are taking us to the lair of the beast, and there is no assurances that Astra will keep her head together. I will protect her, but I can't promise I will be able to do it for long."

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/10/2022
"Noted. What's your suggestion, then?"
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/10/2022
She frowned, "she is too weak to face the any of the Sith. They will eat her alive. And we both know this."

She dropped her hands, "I don't know what is the right path is. But I know that this is the wrong one."

@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/10/2022
"Then you should tell her this. For the record, I agree taking her is a bad idea. I also know what I sensed, and I understand her desire. If you can convince her to stay, by her own will and of her own choice, then I will go alone. If not, I will not order her to stay."

Durro presses another button on the security console.

"The security suite has been restored. Please send Gungnir back in when you leave; I don't want to leave the bridge unattended."
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 06/10/2022
The fire returned to her eyes as Durro seemingly shut down further conversation. "Yes Master," she said and spun on her heels. She took a step and vanished from sight.

Within moments Gungnir returned to her post on the bridge. She returns to her tasks without a word or comment.

/End?
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 06/10/2022
/end