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RE: Seeking a Master
She nodded as she thought of which statement to address first, "you make a good case. However you have missed the greater lesson. Your case about the capital city on Frey is a prefect example. There are things that are simply beyond our control. But this doesn't mean we shouldn't try to help. Which in whole doesn't have everything to do with effort. We shouldn't confuse the two issues."
She paused a moment before adding, "what I am saying about effort is. Who we choose to be, one that does good or one that does wrong has less to do with strength of character or force of will rather than a personal choice we each must make. I used to think that by doing good in public made me a good person. I would go to the places of suffering, I would show the entire Republic how good of a person I was. I would speak of how much strength I had to do the right thing."
She stopped in her stride and turned to face him, "so much effort was put forward to put this face on me. For Family glory, for self glorification. At one time I was ranked as one of the most sought after women to be wed because of this face I placed on my actions. Others would speak of my work and how much effort I gave to others. But this was so taxing upon me. Each day I found myself lost in a sea of lies. The wrist kind of lies. The lies we tell ourselves. All my hard work to do good hung upon my neck like a great weight."
She sighed heavily, "it all came crashing around me the night before my wedding. I found myself standing in the rain on a balcony. I was dressed in my wedding dress soaked by the lies of who I was. I lied to myself saying how strong I was for all the good I had done. But in the end, I was nothing more than a liar. I truly didn't care about those who suffered. I only cared about how my actions reflected upon my family and how it advanced their own influence."
"Then I was rescued by Master Tin'Abon. He heard the cries of my heart. Knew the struggle I was loosing. He saw the choice I had forced myself to make. I stood their lost and drowning on that balcony. I looked down in to the darkness and saw the path I was on. He told me that it would take far less effort to turn away from that darkness than to leap in to its grasps. He saved me that night."
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