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(5.7) Pains of Leadership
Pains of Leadership
The Stepped Plains
Democratic Republic of Fra
Mid Rim World of Fra
September 19th, 1936
Facing Visst was much harder than she had expected. Hearing him apologize for something she did was even worse. She knew in her heart what she did was wrong but she was between a rock and a hard place. The more she tried to rationalize it, the more she felt that she had made a huge mistake. She should have trusted him. She should have known that he would have agreed to her plan. The simple fact was that she didn't. There was no rationalization that could change this fact. She closed her eyes trying to clear her anger from her heart. She heard the footsteps behind her. They were heavy and sound. It was clearly one of the Warriors, and judging by the force behind each boot thrust in to the snow it had to be Birgr.
Birgr approaches Talon slowly as he saw her meditating. He had never seen her so mad as she was before. Noting her meditation state and not wanting to surprise her, he remained to the side. Thought, he expected that she was already fully aware that she most likely sensed him. He remained silent to allow her a chance to address him first.
She didn't even open her eyes as she softly said, “Yes, what is it Warrior?”
He stirred reluctantly as he tried to find the words of what must be discussed, he signed heavily as he finally gave up the internal struggle and just spoke frankly, “Angelique told me that we are going through with the infiltration plan...” he paused uncomfortably at the very thought of being in that position. “I need to know the precise plan.”
She looked up as she turned her head to face him, “The plan is simple, you and Angel will go back to the city and find a place to stay. Let the Field Marshal find you and he will. Let him bring you back in to the fold. Tell him what you must, but do not bring dishonor to yourself or to her. Take with you a single communicator. Do not loss it or have it discovered. Stay close to the Field Marshal and be ready to act. Once Visst gives the order, kill the Field Marshal. This is the plan.”
He heaved a discouraged sigh. “How soon before we need to leave?” His voice is very sullen, but he still is trying to get to the point.
She looked away and closed her eyes, “You will have to forgive me, I am not used to speaking in split conversations. Concealing what is in your heart is as much lying as speaking a lie. When you wish to treat me with the honor and respect I deserve, please do so. If not leave me be, I have more important things to do than cuddle your bruised ego.” It dawned on her in that moment what she did. It was always there but to hear her speak the action made it clear. It made her actions painfully clear to her.
He sighed heavily, “No. I mean no disrespect. I understand what needs to be done and that it truly is the best course of action...I just don't like it.”
She looked back at him and nodded, “Being a leader of warriors we must all do what we don't like to do. Last night, I betrayed the trust of a dear friend to save our sister. I don't regret doing it, but I hated the act. I didn't have to lie, cheat or even mislead. I simply kept my mouth shut and allowed him to think I would wait when I had no intention of waiting. What I did was wrong regardless of the reason.” There was a tear that dripped from her eye, “When everyone turned on me, and wanted me destroyed for being what I have become, he stood up for me. Kept my existence a secret to ensure I would not be destroyed under Republic Law. And I couldn't trust in him to accept my wishes.” she turned away from him and looked down in sadness, “I would have never asked anyone to do what I had to do. To betray a friend like I did.” she took a deep breath, “If you were Warlord of Azgard, to who would you give this mission to? Who would you ask to do something you were unwilling to do yourself?”
He stood briefly in thought. “I couldn't. It wouldn't feel right.” He paused again, trying to figure out how to say what he was trying to find out. He decided to just come out with it, “Do I have time to finish building a forge and working on my ax before I need to leave? I am drastically feeling the need to work on my craft.”
She shook her head, “It doesn't feel right, that's because Azgardian leaders never lead from the rear. We always lead from the front, in to the fires before the others. Which was why I had to go after Senni. I couldn't ask anyone else to go. And if you and Angel hadn't already made contact with the Field Marshal first, I would have gone on this mission.” she slowly stood up “As for your forge, I do not believe so. The longer you are available within the City for the Field Marshal's spies to observe. The easier for them to accept you, it will be.” She stepped forward and paused next to him while her hand found his shoulder, “I know what you mean. I too have the urge to focus on my art as well. How I want to fill the air about me with song. But I just can't. There is too much for us to do. To much for me to do.” She turned and sighed deeply as she started to move passed him, “There is a smith down in the city, I saw it last night. Angel should know where it is. Much better than what you could do here.” She continued to walk past him as she focused on what she had to do next, “Go and tend to this horrible mission. While I tend to my own.”
As he watched her walk off he paused for a moment before responding. “I will to the best of my ability and more.” He then turns to head back to where his forge is being constructed.
It didn't take her long to find who she was looking for. She knew where they were heading and how to intercept them. Jedi were after all predictable. She cut down the steps through the tree and cut them off as the small group worked their way towards the city. She addressed them shortly before asking to speak to Visst alone. Her tone told of the nature of the conversation coming. She led him till they were well out of ear shot and made sure no one followed. “Don't speak, you said enough. Its my turn.” she said spinning on her heels, “How dare you apologize.” she said with anger, “If you were Azgard I would have challenged you in that moment.” Her fist flung on either side of his head. Her anger was clear, “This was not your doing and my actions caused yours. It is not your place to apologize. IT is a show of weakness on both our parts. Yours for accepting something that is not yours to accept and mine for being too willful to see the painful truth.”
Getting out the anger was the easy part, now came the painful part. Her tone changed as did the emotions across her face, “I was wrong. I should have spoken with you about this before I acted. I should have trusted you and I DID.” she said glancing back at the others, “It was their influence over you that I didn't completely trust. Still it makes no difference, I was wrong. You trusted in me. Saved me from death, two times already. I gave an oath to serve you and now in this, I have failed that oath. Failed that trust and those acts of loyalty you have shown me. I am not sure how, but one day, this debt that I owe you will be repaid.” She stood for a moment collecting her thoughts. She was sure she said all that she meant to and not one word more, she nodded. With that she turned and walked away just like that.
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