What does it mean?(Ni)

[aipsylon]

Gadeon took some time to look up a fair number of things before heading out to find Ni.  "Ni, can we have one of those talks you don't like?" He frowned as he asked, but it was something he needed to talk with her about.

[Gar]

Ni had been idly playing with the little prize she had won from Admiral Tarkin. The whimsical device whirled and buzzed between her fingers. When Gadeon approached, the Zeltron eagerly perked up and greeted him with her usual bright smile. It was short lived, thanks to what he said next.

Ni's cheerful expression melted into a pouty face. "But Gaddy Daddy, I thought I was really good this time!!" she protested pitifully, her shoulders drooping, "I did everything you said! And I asked permission!"

[aipsylon]

Gadeon knew that face was coming, but was still disheartened to see it. "You were really good this time Ni, but we need you to be better than really good. When I first met you I saw your connection with the force, through working with you I had hoped to give you some training in its control, but I saw that you had some already, the longer we worked together I saw that you had definite formal training. I saw who you could be if you chose to be that person. I want you to always be who you chose to be, not someone that someone else thinks you should be. The longer I considered the group dynamics, the more I realized that... I realized the potential you have. Because of where you have ended up you have the potential to do what no Zeltron has ever done before."

[Gar]

A speechless Zeltron was a rare sight indeed, although Gadeon had a knack for invoking this state in Ni on multiple occasions, including now. A doubtful expression shadowed her face as she processed his words and struggled for a response. After a moment of pensive silence she finally recovered and replied softly, "I don't understand, Gaddy...you mean an experience that no other Zeltron has experienced? Because its really hard to find something like that..."

[aipsylon]

"I know, but you are in the position for it. I thought of it when I watched Tarkin, I have heard over and over in my time with you the words Oh, a Zeltron, in many faces excitement annoyance, disdain, interest, but when people see members of your species they have a perception of what comes to mind. You could be the first Zeltron to ever change that perception." He looked to her gaging her reception to the general idea of it.

[Gar]

Ni wasn't sure how to react. Her expression ranged from hopeful to doubtful. After another long, pensive silence she said quietly, "Oh Gaddy... it is too late to change that...and I don't think something like this can ever really be changed..." She frowned and slipped the gadget into her pocket, "Besides, in many ways these people aren't so wrong about me or my race...but I've been able to use their perceptions and prejudice to my advantage." She knelt down so that she could be at eye level with him. "I'm the distraction, remember?" Ni said optimistically, with a weak smile, "I've accepted that. It is what I'm good at. And if it helps you, then that's all that matters to me, Gaddy."

[aipsylon]

Gadeon nodded to her, he was nodding to himself as well. If she did not believe it possible then maybe it wouldn't be for her. She was right, she had accepted that she was the distraction, that was something he had seen her being for a long time. She was very good at it, but he knew there was something more to her, that she had it there somewhere. "If it is not for you I would understand, it is a lot of work, and honestly there is a good chance that we will fail in changing that, but I disagree that it cannot be changed. In many ways they are right, but that is like saying that the justice system is mostly right, they have the right crimes proper punishments, good enforcement, but never mind they lack a way of truly determining a man's guilt innocence they had things mostly right. Besides, I used that once to have an innocent man that was in my way convicted of assault, it worked out well for me." Gadeon had been more thoughtful along the journey back when he stopped thinking about whatever it was his frustration was imminent. "Why is helping me all that matters to you Ni?" There was a little tinge of anger at the edge of his voice. Anger that had been there, suppressed and controlled or at least mostly controlled ever since he had learned of Auro's death.

[Gar]

The Zeltron winced when she heard his angry tone, her shoulders slumping like a scolded child. She was surprised by this side of him peeking out, having never seen it so exposed before. Ni blinked and struggled for words again, eventually stuttering, "Y-your...confidence...in me is very...f-flattering...b-but...it is misplaced..." she averted her gaze and fidgeted with a leather strap on her outfit, "My Master believed in me..." Ni shyly glanced up to meet Gadeon's eyes, "that is why he is dead now..."

Ni had to look away again to muster the courage to say the rest. "I...don't know if you would understand...if I told you why helping you is so important... but what I really need you to know, Gaddy, is that...you shouldn't think of me as anyone special...everyone else can think that way if they want to--if it makes them feel good--but I can't let you think that way..." her brows furrowed, frustration increasing as she tried in vain to explain herself. "Did you hear Bay mention that Cox abandoned me, that he said I wasn't important? Do you know why this did not upset me?" her voice grew hoarse with each syllable, breaking as she admitted, "Because that is how it should be, Gaddy. If my Master had the good judgement to do what Cox did, he would be alive today..."

The Zeltron sighed, "We've been through a lot, so I understand why you might think of me as more than what I really am, but at the end of the day I'm really just one of many. And you are not. You are set apart from the rest and I don't even think you realize it. You deserve happiness, the kind of happiness that was denied of my Master because he had the same problem that you do, the problem that set him apart and also condemned him...His ideals sent him to an early grave, and there was nothing I could do to stop it because I was so oblivious at the time..." Ni closed her eyes tight and rose to her feet, turning away.

[aipsylon]

Gadeon gave a little frown as he listened to what she was saying. He knew he was not the kind to inspire others really, he felt darkness everywhere he looked he searched for allies that could match the position of his enemies and could find none in position. "Ni, I have traveled with you for a long time, and I have seen what he saw in you. He died as a result of something he did to benefit you then how can you simply accept that you are not worth what he chose to give up. Ni, this is an opportunity to do him proud, to be the person he knew you to be. " He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Ni, you said twice I was different, I do not think that you really should think that. I am a person just like anyone else you say you don't think. I see why you think that, but you said yourself what you think the difference is. We are all people just doing the best that we can. That is what you need to be, the best person that you can be. I gave a suggestion, but only you can decide what is best for you. I know from how you have acted that you do not think that what you are now is the best that you can be you know you are settling."

A few blinks as his eyes opened and he looked to Ni. "Your master sacrificed for you, do not leave behind that sacrifice."

[Gar]

Ni quietly reflected on this, unable to face him as she listened. The silence that followed seemed to be endless, finally broken by a soft, timid reply, "Gaddy...sometimes I feel...his sacrifice is the only thing I can pay forward..." with her back still turned to him, she explained meekly, "Master Henoch was more of a Jedi than I could ever hope to be...the least I could do is use the life he gave back to me to help someone more deserving, and maybe even save them from the tragic ending that he suffered..." her voice grew quieter as she confessed, "You are that person, Gaddy...at first I was just curious about you, then you reminded me so much of him, and then I was inspired toward a new purpose..." she stared down at her fists as her cheeks darkened in color, "You say you aren't any different, but I disagree. You are different the same way that Master Henoch was different. And the world we live in will punish you heavily for this difference, if you aren't careful..."