What did the communicator do to you?

[aipsylon]

Gadeon walked out of earshot a little ways, knowing he did not need to slow down at all for Ni to catch up, his legs having to move a good bit faster just to keep up. "Well I mean we can talk about that too, but as far as I knew you had walked away from the Jedi Order.  I don't see much of a reason to talk about that.  I do sense that you tried out something new while busy being a distraction, and I would like to hear about your experience with it."  

It was a spaceport, busy of course, but Gadeon always seemed to be able to find a little quiet area when he looked, this time it was between the loading area for the freighters and the private craft.  A nice area of crates stacked off to the side waiting to be loaded onto vessels that had not arrived yet.

[Gar]

Ni folded her arms and sighed. "How do you always know this stuff, Gaddy? Its not fair..." she thought and walked next to her short alien friend in silence for a moment. Then, after some hesitation, she finally blurted out, "Ok, so, I kinda... feel bad about something? And I mean I haven't felt this bad in years. Like the last time I felt this bad was when I had pity sex with this Ugnaught--" she shivers as she remembers, "that was the worst."

[aipsylon]

Gadeon gave a gentle smile.  I quiet my mind of my thoughts and listen to the force, I let it guide me along my path, part of the reason I am quiet so much.  I know some people can, but I find it difficult to listen while speaking."  He then once more settled into silence, letting her continue if she wanted.  I take it that you did not find an equally disturbing race to have relations with whilst in the middle of distracting a wookie.  "What happened?"  He looked up to her, careful now to match whatever pace she set.

[Gar]

Ni had to pause and lean against a stack of crates. She attempted to speak and simultaneously interrupted herself a few times, appearing as if she just entered a state of psychosis, before finally speaking coherently.

"Ok, so...first of all," sighed Ni, "I was just doing my job, ok? I didn't know what those two Jedi were capable of, and I heard light saber fighting, and I knew that I had to keep them separated from their friends or else something worse could happen!" she nervously chewed on her lower lip for a moment before continuing, "So I stood my ground and I got them to focus on me and then I try to get them to chase me but--" she points up at the ceiling, "I get thrown into the air by the brainy one so I--" she shrugs hopelessly, "I acted in self defense, really. Really, really." She glances at Gadeon anxiously.

[aipsylon]

Gadeon was patient as Ni had a rough time talking. For hands lifting him onto a crate that brought him to eye level with her as he sat down. He listened as she told her take, the took a deep breath in.

He kept the hurt look off his face as he took a few seconds to put his thoughts in order. "Ni, I have not judged your life choices why do you think that I would start doing so now? I just want to help you with what had come from you helping me. I know that you have put the Jedi way behind you sho I'll not give the typical talk you have doubtless heard before. I just want to talk, one friend to another.

[Gar]

Ni realized how she might sound and she deflated a little. "I'm sorry, Gaddy, I didn't mean to--" she couldn't find the words, "this last brush with death sorta--" then rerouting her verbalized thoughts again, "It got me just a little shaken up, that's all," she finally stated plainly, staring at the floor with what seemed to be her very first witnessed expression of embarrassment.

The flustered Zeltron shrugged it off and continued, "Its been a real blast running around doing quests with you, Gaddy, and no matter what happened--even if I almost died--I always felt great after the quest was completed. But this thing your friends are into?" she shook her head and laughed nervously, "Reeeaaaalllyyy messy, not an easy fix like our usual 'Save the Damsel in Distress' or 'Catch the Bad Guy' routines." She shook her head again, "But although that is part of why I'm upset, that's not why I feel bad.."

Ni winced as she finally uttered her confession. "I, uh, kinda sorta, uh..." she took a deep breath and babbled, "--inadvertently murdered one of the Jedi? That brainy one. Did you see those smeared brains decorating the corridor? Oh, yeah, you collected the bodies. Anyway, uh, that was because I tricked the Wooki into thinking she was his enemy."

Ni exhaled and cleared her throat, continuing to stare down the floor. "I mean, I've never had to--to--kill--anyone before. I could always talk myself out of any conflict, and if that didn't work--well, you know," she smiled in spite of herself, though it quickly dissipated into a very rare frown. Her eyes lit up with the epiphany. She reworded loudly, the realization sinking in, "I never killed anyone before! I mean, I know I didn't really do it--the Wooki did all the smashing--and the--" she opened up her hands to mimic the cerebral explosion, "but I still kinda feel responsible...you know?"

Ni looked up into Gadeon's eyes sheepishly. "Maybe I'd feel better if I could know she was a bad person, that she deserved to die. But I can't really convince myself of that. Trysta is a criminal, and it seems that that brainy Jedi was only doing her duty."

[aipsylon]

Gadeon stayed quiet, letting Ni work through her thoughts. He was not eager to be through with things even though he would be glad when they were settled. He nodded as she spoke relaxed and listening to what she was saying, careful to stay in the moment. "It's ok, everyone acts differently the first time they take a life. For me it was what set me on the path I walk now. Jarring and shuttering to any with a strong conscience. One of the downsides of trying out new experiences is that, at times, one experiences those they do not like. Now you know you do not like it. I can tell you from personal experience knowing they are evil only helps in the after. At the time it still feels just as wrong. Taking that first step onto that dark path."

He remembered his first steps and took a moment to compose himself. It did not take him long and he continued. "I have always respected how you have chosen your own path. It is a thing that many fail to do though they try. This was a cost of that choice and freedom. You were flustered and made a mistake, we all make them. As for the messy business that we face, I trust that things will only be getting messier as time goes on. I understand if this is no longer the path you wish to walk, and I am sure that it will only get to be more so. I would like for you to continue to walk this path with me, and should you I guarantee that the path will be one like you could never walk elsewhere. Beyond that I can promise you nothing about it, save my understanding should you wish to walk away from it."

Gadeon took another slow breath in letting it out just as slowly trying to think just how to say what came next. "Be careful of the pat that you have set yourself on with that last step. I have seen others start to walk it and it seems more often than not the further one walks it the easier it is to keep walking. I should not like to see what would become of you should you go that way." Seeming to think of something he added. "And I'd like to just hear about it even less."

[Gar]

Ni didn't like the serious tone that this conversation was taking. She preferred to maintain a cheerful, optimistic environment around her at all times. She almost wished she never went on that silly mission.

The Zeltron laughed awkwardly and waved her hand as if to wave away the problems. "Oh no, Gaddy Daddy, it's not like that!" she said through a giggle and a bright smile, reassuring him casually, "Everything is fine, really! No big deal! Just a little hangup over accidentally murdering someone." She shrugged and continued walking.

[aipsylon]

Gadeon was quiet for several long seconds as she spoke, he knew it was her way, but something about it worried him. Speaking of it would do him no good, not when she had decided that things did not matter. "Alright, well no more outbursts like that or I'll have to be more insistent, for now we'll just be glad you did not like it and trust that it will be an experience that you try not to have again."

[Gar]

Ni thought about this. "I mean, I think in some cases killing is necessary...if they are out to off me, then I'd need to off them first," she says matter-of-factly, adding with a flirtatious smile, "And of course I'd kill for you, Gaddy!" She playfully pats him on the head.