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Hadaza First Blood 1/20/22
Durro Thel-Tanis — 01/20/2022
After ensuring his shuttle is undamaged and ready to fly if needed, he boards the Gungnir and looks for Hadaza.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/20/2022
Hadaza is in the training room. She is working off the myriad of emotions that built up in her blood during the last few hours. He will find her in the same clothes that she was wearing when she brought the professor on board, which are bloody and dirty. Her face is streaked with sweat and tears.
There is Dathomiri music playing loudly when he enters and she is clambering up the highest tower of crates, headed for the ropes that are now strung across the top of the cargo bay.
The blaster is still on her hip, which he has never seen while she is working out.
At the top of the crates, she starts a tumbling routine, with the blaster in her hand, mock firing at invisible opponents
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 01/20/2022
Durro takes a seat on a nearby crate; unused by the current training course. He watches the display of prowess, studying with undivided attention, waiting for her to finish and not wanting to distract her.
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/20/2022
From the top crate, she takes one last tumbling pass before leaping out to capture the nearest rope. As she reaches out for the next one, she sees Durro below.
Sliding down, she lands lightly and walks over to him, picking up a bottle on her way over. "Master Thel-Tanis", she says, as she takes a swig. "To what do I owe the honor? Don't you have a shuttle to prepare?" Her tone is light, but guarded. And she has not turned the music down to accommodate conversation.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 01/20/2022
Durro remains seated and projects an aura of calm; through voice, body language, and the Force.
"You've been in your first combat situation; I came to see how you're doing." He says kindly. "The shuttle is ready, everyone is simply finishing preparations. So, how are you doing?"
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/20/2022
"I'm fine," she replies shortly, and takes another long pull. The Professor's acamel brandy goes down like water.
"Thank you for checking on me. May your time with the injured go more smoothly ." She puts the bottle down and starts to walk away, to return to the training course, when she stops, an almost imperceptible waver in her motion.
Without turning around, moving her head only so that he can see her profile, she says, "And take care of the Princess. I feel that Ashanti knows more than she is letting on ... about all of us."
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 01/21/2022
"You're a runner." Durro says evenly. "I respect that. You can't run from this, though. The harder you try to bury these feelings; in training, loud music, substances... the harder they'll come hit you eventually. It's like holding an air sac underwater. It's a difficult struggle and one you'll always loose. The sac always comes popping to surface, sometimes with spectacular results."
Durro stands and turns towards the door.
"I'm heading to the galley for some supplies. If you want to talk, about anything at all, I'll always be there for you."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/21/2022
Durro's words land on her bruised and overtaxed system like the knife that should have killed her. First Ashanti, now Durro! When will they let me decide for myself!, she thinks.
She whips around, shame fueling her reaction, though it sounds, for all the world, like fury. "How dare you tell me who I am, Durro? I don't even have the answer to that, yet you ..." she points at him, "... all of you ... ", she says with a sweeping motion of her arm, "presume to make assumptions about not only who I am, but what I'm capable of! The only one who actually asks, who allows me the freedom to explore without prejudice, almost lost his life today in order to preserve that freedom!"
She stalks to him, close enough now that he can see her violet eyes are bloodshot, though whether from emotion, exertion, or the brandy he can't quite tell. Speaking to be heard over the music, though softer and more vulnerable than her initial outburst, she says. "I know you want to take care of me, that you are all just looking out for me. And I'm grateful. But until I can take care of myself, I am less to you than your fractured Padawan." Her bearing continues to deflate. "If today's events in any indication, I am potentially also more of a threat to you."
He can see the Jedi training that Tesara has given her flow over her as she fights with her demons for some semblance of control. She looks down at her hands, remnants of gore in the grooves of her knuckles and nailbeds, and puts them over the now crimson soaked shirt that covers her scarred midriff, scars that she and the Professor now share. Voice now barely audible over the cavernous din of the room, "Why did he do it, Durro? I ... we, ... " she amends quickly with a flush, "... almost lost him today. We were supposed to be there to protect him, not the other way around." The humilation of her missteps now evident as she does what he said and stops running.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 01/21/2022
Durro sits back down on the crate and takes a deep breath. Still projecting a sense of calm peace, he finally says:
"He's a soldier, and one of the marks of a soldier is a willingness to lay down your life for your brothers and sisters in arms. He was there to protect you, as much as you were there to protect him. We're a unit, a bond closer than blood and forged in battle. We've faced the swarm, now this, and soon we'll be tested beyond anything any of us have experienced before. The only way we'll survive is if we all know our abilities, our limits, and we all have each other's backs while trusting our comrades have ours."
"Understand this, and nothing will shake you. Because even if it does get to you, you'll know that your squad mates have your back. Supporting when you're weak and cheering when you're strong."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/21/2022
Haj sits down next to him, taking a moment to notice how loud her footsteps are now that the music has played itself out. "A soldier? Ben? He never mentioned. He only ever talks about his years of research" She files away the information for later.
"I owe him my life, Durro", she says softly. "I don't know how to make that right." She sighs. "I don't know how to make it right to any of you", she says with a small shake of her head.
"Ashanti said some horrible things to me, things that contradict what I told Tesara about who I ... ", she looks confused about how to explain what she's feeling - the tumult of having let go of her past only to have it thrust back under her nose, and into the Professor's gut, with dire consequences; the knowledge that there is a darkness inside her so powerful and profound - what did Ashanti call her? oh yes, 'a cold blooded killer' - that it haunts her and threatens the people around her; the light that she feels when she thinks of the precious gift that she has in front of her and how much she wants to revel in the warmth of it all with the people who have taken her in no questions asked and strive every day to bring out the best in her.
"I will own that, physically, I'm not humble about my prowess and grace as an athlete. But I am no warrior. You called me a runner. You aren't wrong. My body and mind are built not for war, but to explore, to hunt." She lifts the bottle to her mouth, but stops short of taking a drink.
"You have everything you need here, Durro - soldiers, scholars, and so much heart. Each of you explorers in your own way. I don't yet have a place among you, though it seems that I can walk with all of you equally well for a short time. How can you call me a comrade in arms when it seems that all I am good for is making your arms heavy with the weight of injured bodies?” She finishes her statement with another quaff of the decanter.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 01/21/2022
"I can't speak for the others, but I have a feeling they'd agree with me." Durro says, "The best way to make it right to me is to live. To not waste the new life you've been given; to be whoever you want to be. Of course your past, 'The Ancestor' is going to follow you. Things she did still have consequences; but good or bad, that's not who you are anymore. Even if she was a 'cold blooded killer' that's not you anymore. What you told Tesara is true, about you now."
"Just because you're not a warrior doesn't mean you don't belong." He continues after a moment. "To be brutally honest; Tesara's not a solider, and I hope she never will be. She doesn't know what it's like to have the world falling apart around her, that despite her best efforts those she loves..." He pauses for a moment, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths before continuing. "...those she loves keep dying, horribly, senselessly. Tesara's never experienced that and can't understand it. But she's still one of us and there's nobody I'd trust more to have my back. I know she's lay her life down for mine or anyone else's and I would do the same for any of you. You don't have to be a warrior to be part of our Family of Blood, to be a comrade at arms. Kenobi and I, we are warriors. We've fought, we've seen things, and it's made us both hard. You've seen how callus Kenobi can be and its only by willful effort that I'm not just as cold. We need an explorer's heart among us; those who remind us about the wonder and majesty of the galaxy, remind us about what we are fighting to protect. In the end, we'll all be stronger for our experiences out here, at the Far Side of the Galaxy; because we lift each other up when we are weak, just as we are lifted up when weak ourselves."
@Hadaza
Hadaza — 01/21/2022
She let his words wash over her, though her. This is not the first time the old campaigner had said this to her, though it may be the first time it seeped into all her parts. Must be the liquor, she thinks. Reminded she still has the bottle in her hand, she sets it down & reaches out to take his hands gently in her own. Or maybe it’s just that I'm ready to hear it now
"In those moments when the energy around Ashanti was so arctic as to freeze time, it was you ... and Tesara & Astra & even the Professor that warmed my soul. I reached out & wrapped myself in the memories that I have, that fill me with hope & the possibility of a future that you are helping to shape. The instant I saw Professor Kenobi drop, I felt that I was unworthy of that future. I had failed it, him, you, all of you," she pauses to take a deep breath, "and most of all myself."
She adjusts her position, touching his knees with her own. Connection is so important right now. She needs it to stay rooted in the moment. "Ben almost paid for the gift of my life with his own, just like Ryan and Mishka did when I was first rescued. I need to make it right. And you are saying that the best way, the only way, to do that is to live like I know the cost. I pay it back by moving forward. But walking, not running," she says with a smile, "so that I can enjoy each step and allow others to share the journey."
She can feel the light in her chest that Ashanti almost extinguished flare back to life. The air around her enkindles. Her eyes become luminous as she looks at him with affection. "You're a crafty old Jedi. I can see why you collect all the pretty, young girls." She leans in to kiss his cheek, a daughter honoring her father.
"I can't promise that I won't run sometimes, Durro. But I can promise that I'll always come back ... and I'll always make sure to share the journey" She stands, wrinkles her nose at her appearance, and smiles down at him. "You make sure to come back too."
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Hadaza — 01/21/2022
((OOC - Durro, unless you think there's anything else to say, you have last entry before end)))
Durro Thel-Tanis — 01/21/2022
Durro's face warms at the kiss on his cheek, and the comment that precedes it. He hopes to all the Force that his Jedi composure won out. He stands, gives a broad cocky grin, and says;
"For you, Hadaza, I'll always come back."
Hadaza — 01/22/2022
/end
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