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After Ashanti 2/20/22
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
As Ashanti fades, Astra collapses into Durro's arms.
"Astra, are you alright? What happened?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 02/20/2022
" m-master?" She said confused she blinked several times. " I don't what happened where are we?" She said confusion giving way an Anxiety and panic which she had been on the edge of since Durro had last seen her. She throws her arms around his shoulders hiding him tightly. " I-i don't understand what has happened what is going on. How did I get here" she muttered.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
Durro holds her tightly as well, comforting her until it passes.
"Ashanti came to see me." He explains. "You didn't concede control?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 02/20/2022
" I don't remember," she said quietly. This little storm of emotion did not and was not going to pass quickly. She did regain a bit of control. Her emotions are a bit too powerful at the moment for her to control. She was at least trying to control it.
She let go of Durro. "What did she come to speak to you about" her voice still shook.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
"Studying the holocron." He says evenly. "But that's a conversation for later, when you're not as rattled."
"Want to tell me why you're so on edge?"
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 02/20/2022
Astra just stared at Durro." I umm... T-the vision.What about the Holocron. If she came and spoke to me I don't remember. " Astra said. It was clear she was not totally willing to focus on what was driving her crazy at the moment.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
"Breath, Astra. There is no emotion, there is peace."
He waits for her to take calming, meditative breaths and to gain control over her overt anxiety.
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 02/20/2022
" but there is the emotion it is overwhelming" she muttered. She did try to do as she was told. Her breathing started too quick and shallow to be meditative. She felt as if a cage we settling around her. This did not help matters. Finally, after a few more minutes of struggling, she seemed to regain some more control.
After several proper meditative breaths she seamed to relax and calm a bit. She looked to durro as if expecting him to answer her question or continue his own questions.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
Durro has joined her in meditation.
"Now, what is troubling you about the vision?" He asks softly "Be honest with me, and yourself."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 02/20/2022
" it's happening I think. I-i don't know. It just hadazazs description of the ship the little girl offering her answers and lurking her to that ship" she said quietly.
Once again she felt as if the cage was closing around her. She held her breath for a moment. * you are a Jedi what ever this is can not control you.you can't let it hold power over you* she thinks. Finally taking another deep breath." I don't know why but my visions always seam to happen. Master will it hury when they... I'm afraid" she admitted. She was afraid and she had dam good reason to be.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
"Why are you afraid?" Durro asks, still speaking softly. "Clear your mind, view this circumstance as an outsider, without emotion. Be honest with yourself."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 02/20/2022
"I...you would be to if you know your life was likely to end vary soon. And without a chance to fix any of the damage you have caused" she said. She already know why she was afraid. Though looking at it from an outside persoective that she was not quite able to do at the moment. She had some control back but the emotion was still winning for now. She shut her eyes. " I don't want to die master. But if it's what the force will there's not much point in fighting." She said quietly.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
"Perhaps. But confronting fear is the duty of every Jedi." Durro says. "Bravery isn't the absence of fear, it's doing what you must I'm the face of it."
"So we've established you're afraid; fraid of death. Why are you afraid to die?"
He smiles, eyes still closed, projecting calm serenity.
"I promise this is going somewhere. Breath. Clear your mind. You are calm, at peace."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 02/20/2022
" i-im sorry I don't understand and I don't see where this is going, master. How can you be so calm" she said?
She took a few more deep breaths. Why? Was she so afraid. " im I..." She started trailing off. " what if becoming one with the force does not really happen what if we just disappear. And if I die then Ashinti would have saved my life for no reason and ill never be able to fix the damage iv done to Roza's life" she said
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Princess Astra Korraay — 02/20/2022
" master what would have happened if Ashinti had killed. What would have happened to Roza" she asked her voice trembled? She this was a problem one she heard she would fail to get past.
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
Durro's eyes flutter behind his closed lids. He wishes he was as calm as he seemed. It takes all his will to keep his voice soft and even. All his will to keep at bay the angry voice in his mind, very similar to his own, calling him a fraud, a false Jedi, a pretender. He is fortunate his former apprentice is too distraught to sense it.
"What does it matter?" He asks simply. "The past cannot be changed, so what ifs are pointless. If this is the end of your life, then that is the Will of the Force. What becomes of Roza shouldn't matter to you. That is the neccessary sense of detachment a Jedi must have. To be willing to let go, to trust others and the Force. To accept one's mistakes and learn from them."
"HYPOCRITE!" the angry voice shouts. Durro takes a deep, calming breath and pushes the ranting back into his subconscious.
"Roza's fate was never truly in your hands. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will be able to let go of the illusion of control."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 02/20/2022
Astra was silent. She started at durro her vision blurring without tears. She shut her eyes struggling desperately to talk calming deep breaths. " I was never meant to be a jedi. They said I was broken is this why?" She said her voice breaking as she tried to say it. She was silent again.
" They...there were going to strip me of the force before sending me to the jedi corps... Why why did they hate me why would they choose to do that to me. Is the force so dangerous. Is my canetcon to it a danger to everyone around me" she muttered. She did not understand. The emotion pain confusion becoming to much for Astra to handle. " I need Saba I need her help" she mutters a barely audible whisper.
Astra goes limp falling forward as if she is suddenly asleep or not there. She has retreated. She was unable to gane control of her emotion they finally won out and she could not handle it.
@Durro Thel-Tanis @TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 02/20/2022
There was a moment of stillness before Astra moved again. She lifted her self back up and looked around. Her eyes blinked in surprise as she was struggled to grasp what just happened.
"Master Thel-Tanis....." the confusion was clear in the voice that held the tone and inflection of Saba.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
"Saba. I'm having a very strange morning. I hope you're up to speed on what's happening?" He asks hopefully.
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 02/20/2022
(OOC: sorry for the delay, having lunch with Tesara and Ava)
Saba glanced around, "this one is unaware of what is going on."
She turned her eyes to Durro, "the imbalance within you is clear." She blinked and tilted her head, "it does seem like there is much going on."
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
"We're not here to talk about me." Durro says, a hint of frustration in his voice. "Astra shut down. Ashanti came to talk to me, and when she abruptly left Astra seemed unaware. She is afraid, though; afraid our shared vision is coming true. I thought I knew the root of her fear, and was helping her work it out, asking questions to prompt inward reflection. Instead she broke down and said she needs you, and now here you are."
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 02/20/2022
Saba listened with intent. Once he was finished speaking she slowly rose and readjusted herself and set in a very not Astra style. Her legs tucked tightly under her, her back rigid and head held high.
"Everyone seeks your guidance, your wisdom and strength. What happens when the pillar starts to crack and bend under the pressure. Where does the pillar turn to for help," she said softly.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
"Not a pillar, a tree." Durro says with a humorless smile. "And you have avoided the issue."
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 02/20/2022
Saba smiled, "Has this one avoided speaking of things we both are aware of. Or is this one speaking on something you need help on?"
she motioned with a hand, "during times like this, when Astra forces this one forward, it is because she doesn't want to deal with what is in front of her." Her smile held its soft glow, "you are out of balance, how do you avoid speaking about it?"
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
"Tesara then." Durro says. "To answer your previous question."
"Does this mean we're done here? You don't want to talk about Astra, and I don't want to talk about myself."
@TheTraveler
TheTraveler — 02/20/2022
Saba frowned, "this one can not force you to do what you do not wish to do."
She gave a nod, "you cannot find answers in avoiding the questions."
She lowered her head and forced Astra back.
@Princess Astra Korraay @Durro Thel-Tanis
Princess Astra Korraay — 02/20/2022
Astra blinked her eyes going wide as she realized where she was. " No Saba why did you do that" She whimpered. She looked up at Durro the distress evident on her face. "M-Master" She she barley whispers with a squeak.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
"I'm sorry, Astra. I don't have answers for you."
"I can't help you if you're running from the questions you want me to answer."
"I've told you all I know to say. The rest is up to you."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 02/20/2022
Astra stared at Durro. it was a long time before she spoke again " I know master I was overwhelmed." She said drooping her head. " Master Im sorry i just could not haldel it, seance the cave iv been bother Ashinti could have killed me i have the missing hand to prove that. I can not stand my ground against Ashinti so what happens when I face some one who actually dose want to kill me. now Hadaza is actively trying to kill me she know the warning and went onto that ship anyway, and if I die I'm afraid I will be able to fix the damage I did to Razo's futer, you know i was on one that changed the vision you the one who told me i did, and the fact that I was never suppose to be a Jedi or have this canton to the force only makes thins worse" She said finally putting to words everything that was racing throw her head. she drops her head.
"can you tell me that would not overwelm you make you want to run. has anything dose that to you ever" she asked.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
"We went to that planet knowing we could easily die." Durro says. "You weren't this afraid then. Something is different about this."
"Whether you live or die doesn't matter. What matters is that you leave Roza's fate to the Force. If you are supposed to undo what you did, the Force will guide you and show you how. You certainly have no idea now, any attempt you make could easily make it worse. It goes back to a desire to control, to dominate, and for selfish reasons at that. Attachments have their place and make us who we are. But a Jedi must be willing to let go of their attachments. If they can't, then they can't be a Jedi. There's no shame in that, the Jedi path is hard and isn't for everyone. We can't all live up to what we must to walk it."
"I didn't know the fact about the order wanting to strip you of the Force. I can't speak on that, as I didn't know."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 02/20/2022
Astra lesioned intently. " I am not giving up on being a Jedi, you yourself even said this was a struggle I would have to face for a long time master. I see what you are saying now I have been fixated on the damage iv cased her it's once again not healthy and I need to drop the issue leave it to the force to decide. I accept this now. i clearly need to spend more time meditating on the subject. " She said seaming to calm down a great deal.
She was quiet for a long time. An unvoiced question rattling in her mind. Was he going to kick her out of his order then one he was planning to start. She did not want that but it was not her choice to make and she had no control over it. "May I remain here to Meditate with you" she asked. she chose to drop the other question. there was no point in asking. Durro would tell her the answer to that on his own.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
"Indeed, you'll likely struggle with this the rest of your life." Durro says kindly. "Though it'll always be my duty to remind you of the truth when you begin to falter."
"Of course you may remain here. My door is always open to you."
@Princess Astra Korraay
Princess Astra Korraay — 02/20/2022
Astra smiled " A hope I can do the same for you master. Please remember I can not read minds I can not help you if you don't talk to me. I do know something is not right with you as well you have been acting a bit strange since that planet." She said. She shut her eyes and settled into her meditation. She was still a bit unbalanced but the storm that had taken over Astra momentarily was passing and she was slowly regaing the balance and control that Durro had taught her. Yes she had taken a step backwards but that was going to happen the path was not easy as Durro had said.
your going to struggle and that is ok its part of learning and moving forward she thought to herself. She allowed a brief moment of Disappointment in herself to hit her but it was brief and diapered quickly like a sudden cold breeze on an otherwise worm day.
@Durro Thel-Tanis
((balls in your court if Durro wants to speak to her about something else he can))
Durro Thel-Tanis — 02/20/2022
Durro does not respond.
The shared meditation serves to both calm and revitalize the participants; though there is still the unrest just below the surface. Like stormclouds on the horizon; a problem for tomorrow, it is sunny and calm right now. All is as the Force wills it, hopefully it wills they both live to continue on their shared journey.
/end
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